drj

This is the second time I'm trying to write a journal entry. The first one was deleted when I clicked on spellcheck. No more spellcheck for me. Today, my husband told me that he was going to eat out after work, close to his work. That left me to fend for myself. As soon as he told me that, I decided to find a fast food place close to the house and buy something there. I ended up at Long John Silver's. I ordered two fish and its fixings: soda, fries, fritters, and lobster. When I got home, I could only eat half of one piece of the fish. I wonder why I eat fast food as a last resort. I could have come home and cooked for myslef, as I did all week long. Breakfast: one slice bacon, hot chocolate Lunch: two center slices sausage pizza, two school-size chocalate milk Snack: Venti Java Chip decaf Frapaccino I need to think about why I resort to fast food, instead of healthy choices. This is a sign I ned a fill. Also I need to think about why I let the band do my thinking for me instead of thinking for the band. If I can't eat it, I don't eat it. But if it'll go down, then I eat it. This is not healthy. I've lost weight because I can't eat much food, not because I've made healthier choices about my food. This is serious and something I need to pray and think about. Also, I keep saying that I'm going to start exercising at home. I've been doing physical therapy on my back and considering that my exercising. Now that my PT is on hold until after my heart procedures, I don't even do any exercise at all.

My hair is falling out too. I started taking a vitamin put out by Avon. My surgeon says keep taking the vitamins to ensure that it doesn't get worse.

I haven't lost any weight in over a month, even through a band adjustment. My husband just changed to first shift after working second shift for over eight years of marriage and ten years of knowing each other. Now that I see him every night, I asked him to walk with me. We've been walking 5-6 days/week ever since. Besides the great feeling I have that we get to see each other, we get to have private time during our walk where we can talk about personal issues that we used to save for the weekends. As far as weight loss speed, I haven't noticed any change in that area. What I have noticed is that my clothes fit better and my leg muscles are tone. Now I need to work on upper body tone. For that I plan to go back to Curves, where I have a medical hold. Plus I feel so much better. I can get from point A to point B so much more ease. I walk faster and have much more energy. I've been taking stairs when I can too. Though I haven't measured lately, I think I've lost more inches. I need to figure out what I'll do about saggy skin such as under my arms. As Oprah, my arms keep waving, even though my hand isn't anymore.

I just bought a 2 peice swim suit in regular sizes. I'm planning to sit out all summer and get a tan and read, read, read. I can't ait. I even freed my schedule so that I only have to teach summer school until 11:30 daily. Then home I will go to sit out with my novels. :shade: :shade:

PhotoNut, I'm still in the club. And, by the way, thanks so much for reminding that I haven't updated my info with the club. To date, there are no changes. If a period goes by again, please feel free to send me another message to update with you. God bless. Let go and let God.

I, too, have a fear of being thin. For me, it's because I was molested when I was young. I have put on "layers of protection" to protect myself from being attractive enough to be looked at. For years, I thought that if I was fat, no one would look at me in an unwanted sexual way. I got it in my head that if I was thin and attractive, men would try to attack me, rape me, or look sexually at me. I haven't thought about being looked at for a very long time. Now that I've lost a lot of weight, I notice about myself that I'm looking beautiful and sexy again. Those same fears are coming up now and I don't know how to handle them again. Just today, I wore a gorgeous skirt set. I looked fabulous. But I wondered if the few men we have at work would look at me from behind when I passed them or went up the stairs. I had to deal with it. And I figured that the power is really in my hands. I'm an adult now. I control the contacts that I have with others. If I am not interested, and I'm not-I'm happily married, then I don't have to reply to any comments or contacts they may try to make. I'll never allow myself to be abused. Though I didn't have control when I was young, I do now. I will never give away my power to others to do something to hurt me. I now know I have the power to say no and go away from the situation. I am a strong, intelligent, beautiful, and proud woman! And I'm loving it when I get complements from people.

:confused: Although I can't backtrack what I ate last week, I can backtrack my exercise plan and routine. I just started exercising again. I don't know what happened, but I asked T is he wanted to go with me to walk. He obliged. Monday-walked one hour, fell down, and walked even faster Tuesday-walked six blocks to/from UIC where I parked my car for class Wednesday-walked 45 minutes Friday-walked 30 minutes :girl_hug:

:confused: Although I can't backtrack what I ate last week, I can backtrack my exercise plan and routine. I just started exercising again. I don't know what happened, but I asked T is he wanted to go with me to walk. He obliged. Monday-walked one hour, fell down, and walked even faster Tuesday-walked six blocks to/from UIC where I parked my car for class Wednesday-walked 45 minutes Friday-walked 30 minutes :girl_hug:

I can tell now when my cycle is coming. I eat. and I can eat. It's like the band stretches to allow for more food intake. breakfast-one egg yolk, two slices bacon, no drink-I'm stuck snack-chocolate milk, strawberries with cottage cheese lunch-chips and salsa, veal soup, shrimp, nopalitos snack-chocolate milk, RC, strawberries with cottage cheese exercise-none :confused:

I can tell now when my cycle is coming. I eat. and I can eat. It's like the band stretches to allow for more food intake. breakfast-one egg yolk, two slices bacon, no drink-I'm stuck snack-chocolate milk, strawberries with cottage cheese lunch-chips and salsa, veal soup, shrimp, nopalitos snack-chocolate milk, RC, strawberries with cottage cheese exercise-none :confused:

Today, my husband worked. I'm usually not good when he works on the weekends. I am out of control with sleep and food. The same is true of today. I slept until 10:00. Then I realized I had to drive about 20 miles to pay a bill, so I made breakfast and ran out the door. Later I went out for lunch by myself and met up with him after that. breakfast-one egg yolk, two slices of bacon, no drink lunch-1/2 order nachos, one hotdog, no bread, w/ garnishes, 12 oz RC dinner-salsa, wine cooler, taste of soup that I just made-veal w/ tomato, onion, rice, corn exercise-walked for 50 minutes at Proksa Park in Berwyn :confused:

Today, my husband worked. I'm usually not good when he works on the weekends. I am out of control with sleep and food. The same is true of today. I slept until 10:00. Then I realized I had to drive about 20 miles to pay a bill, so I made breakfast and ran out the door. Later I went out for lunch by myself and met up with him after that. breakfast-one egg yolk, two slices of bacon, no drink lunch-1/2 order nachos, one hotdog, no bread, w/ garnishes, 12 oz RC dinner-salsa, wine cooler, taste of soup that I just made-veal w/ tomato, onion, rice, corn exercise-walked for 50 minutes at Proksa Park in Berwyn :confused:

This entry is an example of how my life is out of order. I'm entering Thursday after Friday. breakfast-cup Dunkin Donuts iced coffee I'm so proud of myself. I didn't get ANY breakfast at our LLT training. I didn't even go into the snack area to see what they had. lunch-mini bag cheetos, 1/4 chicken sandwich, can 7up dinner-ground beef with veges, wine cooler :confused:

This entry is an example of how my life is out of order. I'm entering Thursday after Friday. breakfast-cup Dunkin Donuts iced coffee I'm so proud of myself. I didn't get ANY breakfast at our LLT training. I didn't even go into the snack area to see what they had. lunch-mini bag cheetos, 1/4 chicken sandwich, can 7up dinner-ground beef with veges, wine cooler :confused:

What's for dinner this weekend? Friday, I had a doctor's appointment at the b clinic. I didn't go into work today. Stress is at a maximum. And so food intake is out the window. I'm definately a stress eater. breakfast-nothing-usually not hungry and can't get food down snack-venti java chip decaf frappiccino 650 calories lunch-1/4 chicken andwich w/o bread, slice lemon iced loaf dinner-pasta with homemade pasta sauce with chicken snack-wine cooler :confused:

What's for dinner this weekend? Friday, I had a doctor's appointment at the b clinic. I didn't go into work today. Stress is at a maximum. And so food intake is out the window. I'm definately a stress eater. breakfast-nothing-usually not hungry and can't get food down snack-venti java chip decaf frappiccino 650 calories lunch-1/4 chicken andwich w/o bread, slice lemon iced loaf dinner-pasta with homemade pasta sauce with chicken snack-wine cooler :confused:

:kiss Today I ate: breakfast: 2 slices bacon, 1 egg lunch: bite of pasta with ground beef, squash, poblano pepper dinner: poblano pepper in egg, 12 oz. RC snack: bite ice cream, 3 grahm crackers Still trying to add water or no calorie drinks to my diet. If I do, I think I may eat less. But I need to remember that I should drink before I eat or an hour after I eat, but not WITH my food. Dr. Shayani says that's why I haven't lost any weight recently. He thinks that I'm drinking the food down. I believe he's right. Plus I drink my calories!!! I nedd to stop that, but I crave caffiene or at least coffee-type drinks. Maybe the exercies, if I can get myself to do it everyday, will help me to get a few pounds off. That may be all I need to get going again. Tomorrow my husband if off work. I hope I will be in control of my intake. I hope I will think before I consume. We'll be in Pilsen where there are a lot of Mexican restaurants. I think he wants to eat out, his type of food. Think-meat, meat, meat. Think-no drink, no caffiene, no liquor. You can do it, with the Lord's prayers.

:kiss Today I ate: breakfast: 2 slices bacon, 1 egg lunch: bite of pasta with ground beef, squash, poblano pepper dinner: poblano pepper in egg, 12 oz. RC snack: bite ice cream, 3 grahm crackers Still trying to add water or no calorie drinks to my diet. If I do, I think I may eat less. But I need to remember that I should drink before I eat or an hour after I eat, but not WITH my food. Dr. Shayani says that's why I haven't lost any weight recently. He thinks that I'm drinking the food down. I believe he's right. Plus I drink my calories!!! I nedd to stop that, but I crave caffiene or at least coffee-type drinks. Maybe the exercies, if I can get myself to do it everyday, will help me to get a few pounds off. That may be all I need to get going again. Tomorrow my husband if off work. I hope I will be in control of my intake. I hope I will think before I consume. We'll be in Pilsen where there are a lot of Mexican restaurants. I think he wants to eat out, his type of food. Think-meat, meat, meat. Think-no drink, no caffiene, no liquor. You can do it, with the Lord's prayers.

HarleyNana, Do you know anyone else bnded in 2004? I'm wondering how they are doing. I was banded December 30, 2004 and I've lost 70 pounds. drj :Banane04: :mad:

I have one word too, Taylor.

Today, I went at 8:30 for my adjustment. I'm always nervous when I get a fill. I think he's going to put too much in. Now he's changing the way they do fills. If everything is ok with the band, the adjustments will be done at the Outpatient clinic rather than at the hospital. They will no longer use x-ray to find the port or to x-ray the liquid going down. The patient will drink water instead of barium and will tell the doc when she feels it going down. The doc will have already injected saline into the port and will reject some if the water does not go down right away. Today's fill was "just a little bit" so I couldn't tell how much he really filled it. When he told me to drink, I did, but it sat there. He decided to look on x-ray to see for himslef and sure enough, there was the water. Then I had to drink the barium to see how it was going down. He said that I didn't really need a fill. He suggested that I change my eating habits and behavioral habits. He's right. I drink with eating, and drink A LOT of calories. I need to cut out this behavior or I'll never lose the rest of my weight. I think it's getting down to crunch time. I'm nervous about losing more weight. People are definately noticing, and they're saying something. My family made comments this weekend. Although it felt great, I was still a little uncomfortable with the comments. How will I look when I lose even more weight? I only have 35 pounds left to lose. And I'm scared. I told Joey that we are in competition. He liked that, but I am serious. I'm not going to have him surpass me in weight loss when I still have pounds to lose. I also want to buy a bathing suit for the summer and for Mexico in December. I need to have more weight off before I do so. God, help me. menu: breakfast nothing lunch coffee, lemon loaf slice, 2 bites mexican steak, tomatillos salsa dinner bite squash, cup ice cream-coffee flavor, crystal lite iced tea :eek:

Today, I went at 8:30 for my adjustment. I'm always nervous when I get a fill. I think he's going to put too much in. Now he's changing the way they do fills. If everything is ok with the band, the adjustments will be done at the Outpatient clinic rather than at the hospital. They will no longer use x-ray to find the port or to x-ray the liquid going down. The patient will drink water instead of barium and will tell the doc when she feels it going down. The doc will have already injected saline into the port and will reject some if the water does not go down right away. Today's fill was "just a little bit" so I couldn't tell how much he really filled it. When he told me to drink, I did, but it sat there. He decided to look on x-ray to see for himslef and sure enough, there was the water. Then I had to drink the barium to see how it was going down. He said that I didn't really need a fill. He suggested that I change my eating habits and behavioral habits. He's right. I drink with eating, and drink A LOT of calories. I need to cut out this behavior or I'll never lose the rest of my weight. I think it's getting down to crunch time. I'm nervous about losing more weight. People are definately noticing, and they're saying something. My family made comments this weekend. Although it felt great, I was still a little uncomfortable with the comments. How will I look when I lose even more weight? I only have 35 pounds left to lose. And I'm scared. I told Joey that we are in competition. He liked that, but I am serious. I'm not going to have him surpass me in weight loss when I still have pounds to lose. I also want to buy a bathing suit for the summer and for Mexico in December. I need to have more weight off before I do so. God, help me. menu: breakfast nothing lunch coffee, lemon loaf slice, 2 bites mexican steak, tomatillos salsa dinner bite squash, cup ice cream-coffee flavor, crystal lite iced tea :girl_hug:

Today, I took Joey to see Dr. Shayani to see about him getting the LB. He seems tohave a negative attitude toward all this. I'm not really sure he's ready to follow through on all the appointments he needs for surgical clearance. My husband and I will not be able to follow him to the appointments: we will both be working at the times scheduled. I worry about him and his weight. He weighed in at 390 today. He thinks I don't know, but I do. He thinks he's hiding this information from us. Who is he kidding or tricking? Was I like this? I think I was more open about how heavy I was. I think he's much more self-conscious. Today's food choices: breakfast-nothing lunch-cappoccino w/ shiped cream 12 oz. dinner-spaghetti with ground beef and pablano pepper 8 oz. mountain dew snack-4 oz. chocolate milk, popcorn

Today, I took Joey to see Dr. Shayani to see about him getting the LB. He seems tohave a negative attitude toward all this. I'm not really sure he's ready to follow through on all the appointments he needs for surgical clearance. My husband and I will not be able to follow him to the appointments: we will both be working at the times scheduled. I worry about him and his weight. He weighed in at 390 today. He thinks I don't know, but I do. He thinks he's hiding this information from us. Who is he kidding or tricking? Was I like this? I think I was more open about how heavy I was. I think he's much more self-conscious. Today's food choices: breakfast-nothing lunch-cappoccino w/ shiped cream 12 oz. dinner-spaghetti with ground beef and pablano pepper 8 oz. mountain dew snack-4 oz. chocolate milk, popcorn

I'm on Spring Break this week. I have a lot of homework to catch up on. I hope to make time to attend to some projects left incomplete. Monday, April 10, 2006 meals: breakfast-nothing-stress test at hospital lunch-venti java chip decaf frappaccino, 2 oz. ground beef dinner-serving pasta w/ homemade meat sause, iced tea snack-2 cinnimon crackers, cup diet iced tea I would be very surprised if the stress test results don't show up as positive. I have so much stress due to the job and school. I have projects to turn in next week when school resumes. I should be spending this week off work to complete the paper I have to write. Plus I have my 2 credit course to start. I haven't done anything for it yet. And the semester ends in just a few weeks. Today Joey goes for his sleep study. Tomorrow he goes to see the gastric band doctor to determine if he qualifies for surgery. I hope he does. ut