Erin18

i will search for places online, what exactly do i search for? oh and i feel it believe me (sad/confused)

soo when i went shopping today, it made me feel better....untill a little while after i got home, came in my room to try things on(which were tight as hell and i know ive gained weight like 5-6 pounds since november), watched a little tv, started getting a little tired, my kitty was curled up next to me, i sort of fell asleep next to him, hugging him like, it was more probably resting my eyes type thing, i was told it was dinner time and and a little while after that i started to get some what thoughts like i have been(like i told you last night), this is soo annyoing and soo stressful, i HATE this! this is the worst month ever, and i kind think it was even worse than my 2 and a half months of nausea after surgery..WHAT?! this isnt fair, i feel like i am being punished or something...i wanna tell you, that my head feels really heavy if you know what i mean, like too full of too many thoughts and of things that are going on around me. do you think that knowing there is around 16 people pregnant at my school? and knowing that my friend was pregnant (not out of the 16) and lost her baby at 6 weeks could be another reason? but they werent really sure it was dead till wednesday tho. i wish i can unravel my head better and walk my way back to tuesday night and try to remember what i was really thinking that night, all i remember was a picture in my head of a disgustingly disturbing bloody picture of my cat laying next to me like he was shot? but it didnt look like me, and why would that thought still be in my head? but then as days went by it were thoughts that i was hurting him :'( which isNOT what i do to animals, i am NOT and animal abuser, i etremely LOVE animals and everbody i know, knows that!!! the thoughts are etremely bad like scissors, twisting the neck, hot Water, stuff like that....ugh makes me so sad, makes me cry everytime i think about it and when it pops in my head again. ughh i'm not that kind of person, nor will i be, i cant see why it is happening to me, i am not known to be like this, i hope you guys dont think i am an abuser cause i am not! don't accuse me please, i am sure that when people are upset or something, they get bad thoughts too...right? but i dunno if it would be about their loved pet :'( this isnt fair!! its ruining me. i hope these thoughts will go away and never come back!!! i did have another thought about him way back in dec or begining of jan it wasnt a bad one either but not really good either, it was like he had a face of john travolta lol but not even going there that thought stayed with me for a couple days and went away slowly, so will this? and im not sure if i was thinking of finding love like " i am never going to find love, i am a loner, nobody likes me or even would like to give me a chance" and it could even be about that i am stressed that i will gain all my weight back and feeling digusting in clothes, i always wear my hair down, making sure its not tucked behind me ears, i feel so disgusting.....sooo do you think if i keep my cat out of my room at night, the thoughts would go away and maybe better happier thoughts will start coming back because he hasnt been in my room at nights for awhile? it will be hard but if it helps i will do it, i love him so much, i love all his brothers (born on my bookshelf, june 27th 2007 took in a stray and had 5 babies and we took in another stray, nobody bothered to even look for her, we put her on lost and found, owell their loss R.I.P Grimlin[one of the brothers and Sam[hope youre still alive bud another brother]) they were the best things that happened to me after my grandpa died, i got to be with the kitties since they were born and it was awesome, and my two nieces are another best thing. so yeah, tell me what you think (: p.s if you guys dont mind, can i keep writing in here since it helps and you guys write back more?

thanks guys, that makes me feel better knowing i do have people out there, so i appreciate it mucho

thank you! (:

thanks, it really helped when i talked to my best friend last night and today was a pretty good day cause i went shopping which i havent done since the end august, it helped too

upstate new york

thank you so much (:♥

delfinajones-i dont know, for now yes, later, i dont know, i wanna get my head back on straight lamar44-what do you mean?. i know there are good places out there (: and thanks voodoo-he wasnt neccessarily an ex but someone i was highly interested in, and i mean very highly and was interested in for a year, i really dont know, i probably do feel helpless. no, i do not wish to hurt something weaker than me. i just hate that it had to be my kitty that came to mind =/ i dont hurt living things either, never have, never will no, im not angry i think ill talk and write about my feelings more, i will talk to my mom more about it tomorrow and talk to my besties as much as possible i know of a place that will do facials and manis/pedis for 10$ at a cosmetology place in which i am goin to in the fall thanks :sifone:

thanks guys, i know youre all like"oh thats nothing to be sad about" part about my cat makes me cry when i think about it but i will tell you, be aware you will be upset and shocked, but the thought of killing him came to mind :sifone::sad: why would it come to mind it makes me cry and very sad, i love him, so i dont know why it even bothered to come to me thoughts/mind i think that actually letting some tears out and talking to people is starting to help a bit im going clothes/accessories shopping tomorrow maybe it'll help too i know there should be nothing to be depressed about, and i know its stupid and i am sorry

i dont have a history of depression, i get sad but not like this , i think im just down in the dumps but why would i think like that? am i just going crazy? i can journal, it might help, i do have friends and family to talk to, why do i feel scared to? kay thanks for the med part if i need it, which i hope not. im not feeling suicidal, its more of the thought/feeling that came to my mind about my cat which is making me so upset, i love him so much, why am i thinking like that? i would NEVER! ): it keeps coming to mind, i thought that sleeping, it would go away but it didnt and im so upset about it, i dont know why it EVEN bother to come to my mind. I think its more because i just got my heart broken again, is that even a reason to be sad/deppressed over? i guess it really meant a lot and he doesnt even care, he stoped talking to me, i dont know why, but im done with him and it hurts, i thought i found somebody again but why would the part about my cat come to my mind ):sifone:: :sad:ugh, life

oh my god, i just had a huge problem like this a few mins ago, it was so painful, what you described sounded how i was, i couldnt stand straight either, i started getting weak, i thought i was going to pass out and vomit, it was so darn painful, so i worked my way to yell to my mom to get me something, the only thing we had was benefiber, it seemed to help in 5 mintues or less, so give that a try, try dulcolax if that dont work or try a colon cleanser?

i have no fills and ive felt it since i got the surgery (july 31st 2009)

i dont have my bellybutton pierced. i've been getting cramp like symptoms around my belly button since the last week of december, and the first week of january it started smelling really really bad (a deadly smell) and oozing puss/clear stuff and lots most of the time. i heard you can get it from being overweight/obese and i only had this one time before, but it went away within a week, i dont know why its staying this long, i clean it so im confused, i cant go to the dr cause i dont have insurance or money out of the pocket, ugh! and im pretty sure this is why my whole belly and back areas have been achy/crampy lately ughh! oh and about the baand, sometimes i get sharp pains on the right side of the band, why? does anybody else get that? i dont have any fills thanks for any help!!

okay, thanks

i do have a school nurse and i was going to go to her a couple of times, i was really busy and i didnt have time to go to her, i really needed to get my midterms done. and i have to wait cause i dont see her till monday (4 days off due to regents week) but i also go to get my depo shot that day and my dad is paying for it, it seems that thats the most important thing in the world and my infected belly button is way more important im 19 i wanna get off of it when im out of the shot stuff i have one more bottle after this one and i get my last one sometime in may ..i dont get it, it's my decission to get off of it and my belly button should be more of a concern than stupid birth controll when im not even with anybody and the only reason i guess i got it was to "fix" my cycle to be more normal(sorry i through that info in there), but yeah ill deffinately see my nurse second period on monday maybe she can reconmend something and she works at the hospital soo yeah pretty good idea, thanks onikenbai

how can i if i dont have the money?

hiiii, i love horses but i havent ridden any for a long time, i cant wait to go riding again. but ive made a thread about this topic way back in august same kind of question i think heres the link http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f84/horseback-riding-99811/

awesome! i cant wait to get my first fill, i really need to start getting mine, havent had one since i got out of surgery and now i have to wait to get insurance again. but overall what does it feel like? is it not what you expect, like better than expected? what was the procedure like?

That you recommend asking my dr for? I'm realllly itchy and I can't stop itching. I think I might be alergic to the nausea meds or the glue they put on my incissions they itching got more itchy since two days ago and the itchies are only near my incissions and I have 5. The itchy-est ones are my chest, my two incissions on the right, the other two are fine. The itching is too hard not to. Anybody else have the itching problem? What did you use to relieve the itching? Thanks by the way

theyre not itchy anymore thank god lol what i did was used a heating pad or a ice pack, which i thought helped, i didnt put any creams or ointments on them, i tried avoiding to itch it but sometimes i just had to, i think they went away by the end of september (: