michelle1820

I'm a 41 year old mother of two banded almost 3 years ago. I had originally lost 47 pounds and have gained 15 back. It's no surprise seeing as I only eat chips, dip and ice cream. Before everyone starts yelling at me, it's because those are the only things I can get down. I know it's ridiculous to eat these things and I've been doing it for close to 2 years now. I absolutely hate this band in me and feel like a prisoner. The only thing that I find positive is thinking what my weight would be if I hadn't gotten this thing. I easily would have been over 300 pounds. So if you take that into consideration, I've lost 75 pounds! Hehehe. Just kidding. I feel like an alien. I feel like I'm the only person in the world with this thing in me. My eating habits are horrible. I'm depressed. Even taking my depression medication makes me stick and so I just don't take it anymore. It's ridiculous. I throw up constantly if I eat anything other than dip or ice cream. Maybe I need to go back and have a counseling appointment with NWWLS. Any suggestions? I feel trapped.

It is so nice to hear that I'm not alone. I'm serious that whenever you go to these sites it is people who are all rah-rah about the band; people excited that they just go the band or people who have lost 1000 pounds on the band and just can't believe how happy they are. You never find the unsuccessful stories. And one site that I asked a question to about 2 years ago, literally everyone jumped down my throat because I complained about the band. It was all very "cult like" and it really discouraged me from reaching out. I've felt trapped and just miserable with this thing inside me. I also feel like I've let my husband down. I am a self pay and we pay $340 a month for this thing only to have it fail. But you are correct in that it's not that it failed but it's my emotional state. I say to my husband that I just thought this thing would carry me so much further than it did. I thought just having the thing inside me would be enough. But now it's down to diet and exercise. Well if I could do that, then I would have done it on Weight Watchers or something like that. I got this thing in me so that the choice would no longer be mine and that I would be forced to not be able to eat. So it's no wonder I'm miserable when I'm the one who put myself in this prison. Let's lean on each other, okay? I hope you are doing well and feeling supported. I know I'm feeling a lot better after posting this and getting such wonderful replies.

Just getting back from the weekend, been housesitting for my parents who are out of town so am just getting to read all the replies. Thank you SO much guys. As soon as we can afford it, I will get the unfill and make the appointment with the doctor. What I can do in the meantime is take my medication. Also I tried a support group only once where they all met at a restaurant and every single one of them was incredibly successful and since I wasn't successful whatsoever and only eating chips and dip (literally for the last 2 years now) I felt just horrible and even worse when I left the support group and never went back. Not anyone else's fault of course but it just reminded me how unsuccessful I was being with the lap-band and so I didn't want to go back. Thank you so much for all your help guys. It means the world. I love the pacemaker instead of alien invader comment. Since I don't know anyone else personally with a lap-band I truly do feel alone; but not so much any more. Thanks!:smile:

Not upset with your response at all. I know there is something wrong with me and I'm sure it's mostly depression. I just feel like everyone is so successful with the Lap Band and that I've failed at it. I'm probably not emotionally ready to have this thing in me and I should have realized that before getting it instead of viewing it as a quick fix. And now I'm stuck with it. It's probably a good thing that I have it or else I would indeed be towards the 300 pound mark by now. For that, I'm grateful for the Lap Band. I just wish I could be more successful at it. But I also need to take responsibility for my food choices and sometimes I just feel like I don't care. I guess I'm too lazy. Just thought this would be the cure all and almost 3 years later, I realize it was probably a waste of my money (self pay). But at least it's there for when I am ready to take emotional responsibility and use the thing properly. In the meantime, I'm sure the way things are going with my food choices is slowly killing me. This is so unhealthy to be this way.

Thank you all. Sounds like I need to get back on meds and get an unfill. Time to make some appointments. I may see how much a counseling session is with the counselor at Northwest Weight Loss Surgery. I just don't think I was ready for the commitment. Thought just having this thing inside me would be enough. I've lived as a loner (in the band world) for over 2 years now. Not reaching out to anyone. Just trying it my way. Feeling like a slave to the band. I'm ashamed of my eating habits and try not to eat in front of anyone other than my husband. Well anyway, thanks for all the advice. Michelle