RobertM2022

Thanks for the comments, stories and words of encouragement. As far as age goes, I'm only sorry I didn't do it much sooner (younger), but better late than never. I think for myself, there has always been this "fear" or mindset that surgery is/was the last option and if I had done it 10 years earlier and things didn't go well, I'd have to live the rest of my life dealing with the regret, frustration and failure. After the fact, I feel I have total control and have learned the life skills required to maintain this "new me" until I don't exist anymore. And as far as people-pleasing, I still aim to please, but I'm starting with myself!😜

Can we pretend this is an Overeaters Anonymous meeting and it's my turn to stand up front and bare my soul?...especially since I never had the balls to set foot in a live meeting during my 35 years of having a BMI score higher than my IQ. There's donuts in the back...JOKE😁 It's been almost a year since my sleeve surgery and I couldn't be happier with the physical results. I was 60 years old, 5'4" and weighed close to 210 when I finally made an appointment with a bariatric surgeon. I'm now 61 and 134 pounds...I'm still 5'4" though. The past few days I've been in deep thought mode and was just hoping to use this forum to vent and hopefully get some feedback, positive or negative. Dining out: It's going to happen. It was probably part of your life pre-surgery, so it's naive of you to think it won't be a part of your life post-surgery. So maybe it's just me and my family (obese mother) and significant other (F, normal weight), but the minute the menu appears, I get a barrage of "Oh..they have plenty of appetizers and small portions you can order. Be careful, etc. Did you see the vegetable plate?" OK, so I know my significant other and my mom love me and are probably just concerned about my health and eating habits post-op, and if I'm being overly sensitive, just tell me and I'll shut up, but when they say things like that, it's not helping! If anything, something deep in my primordial starving "fat" brain wants to order the biggest thing on the menu and attempt to eat it. When it happened yesterday at lunch, I calmly and nicely asked both of them if they could refrain from offering me ordering advice, as I assured them, thinking about the ordering process and the actual eating of said meal in a healthy manner was the number one priority on my mind pretty much 24/7. They didn't seem to take it too well. Which leads me to my next thought... I might be stereotyping, but I'm willing to bet that a lot of us here were never/are not selfish people. I'm sure there are pages of psychological data written about the personality traits of the chronically obese and the myriad reasons we ended up as we did. My point is, after bariatric surgery, you might have to become a little selfish. You may need to put yourself first, sometimes to the detriment of others. Obviously, it helps if you can do this in a nice manner, but with certain people and situations in your life post-surgery, you might just have to be a selfish a*****e. If your new lifestyle (diet, whatever you want to call it), exercise regimen, food habits, etc don't quite mesh with those around you, too bad. This is your last chance at success and you need to make YOU the priority. I walk a lot now...and it takes a lot of time. Some of that is time I used to spend with other people...now it's not always like that. Some have mentioned it. I don't care. I always invite them to walk with me but I'm not going to not walk because they want to do something else or don't feel like walking. When I think about some of the healthiest people I have known in my life, they were/are quite selfish when it comes to exercise. One of my friends has been to the gym every morning from 5:30-7:30 for 35 years. He never misses. It's not an option. That's amazing to me because despite the genetics of obesity, there's no question that having some type of exercise regimen helps at some level. Did I ever have that level of commitment? Only to stopping at Whataburger several times a week. So as much as I read pre-surgery and even with the psychological profiling the doctor did, I never read much or heard anyone talk about some of the changes I needed to make mentally to make this work. It seems like most of the pre-surgery discussion is about how to eat before and after the surgery and most of the psychological discussion is about not letting one addiction (food) be supplanted by another (drugs, alcohol, etc). The crux of this dissertation, if you're still reading, is that there couldn't be more truth to the phrase bantered around here...."They operated on your stomach, not your brain". Prepare yourself for some mental challenges that being thinner does not make any easier. I must look a lot better because everyone tells me so...but I don't always feel better. Some of the same issues I've dealt with all my life, totally unrelated to weight, are still around. It's not that I expected them to disappear, but I think at some level, deep down, many of us think/thought, "Oh, if only I weren't so fat, I wouldn't have to deal with this problem [insert the problem/issue of your choosing]". Maybe I was just being naive or stupid, or both, but even being "thin" comes with plenty of challenges. I know these are "first world" problems and I'm not trying to sound like a complaining, spoiled brat. I just wanted to let off some steam here in the hopes that I'm not alone. Thanks for listening.

So I'm 5 months post op and couldn't be happier with my surgery, the results, and my subsequent lifestyle. I've read a lot since the surgery about everything and one of the constants that keeps showing up is that the "honeymoon" phase will end...which I knew prior to surgery and expected. My question has more to do with the mechanism. Do you just wake up one day and suddenly feel much hungrier than usual? Does it gradually happen over 30-60 days? Does it just happen that your "normal" portions no longer satiate you? Is it a combination of mental and physiological, i.e. if you were to continue to eat the normal quantities of food that you had been eating prior to the honeymoon phase ending, would everything be ok physiologically, but mentally it just doesn't seem to be working or is it more a constant struggle to maintain your new eating habits? Sorry for all the questions. I know this probably differs from person to person and I know there are probably no exact answers. I just tend to be very analytical about most things and I feel like the more information I know about this subject, the better chance I have of dealing with it. Thank you!

Thank you for the reply Spinoza. I'm sort of gathering from your comments and other things I have read that the best hope for success is to use the honeymoon phase to learn and adapt new eating habits...obviously better ones than we all had pre-surgery...and then carry those habits forward for the rest of our lives. I think the crux of my question/concerns is, once the honeymoon phase ends, did you find that your hunger levels returned to pre-surgery levels and that the work and day-to-day stress of just dealing with food/eating/quantity to be as difficult as it was pre-surgery? I've run into quite a few people who have had gastric surgery, lost weight and then regained very large amounts of it back and I am quite perplexed as to how this happens....and I don't mean that in a rude way at all....simply because I would like to avoid that issue/problem. Thanks again to anyone who can share their insight. Robert

I'm 3 1/2 weeks post op from gastric sleeve surgery and everything is going great. I'm following the protocol to the letter and gradually losing weight. Saturday night my significant other and myself took my two nephews to dinner. I was able to order a bowl of soup/broth with no issues. During the course of dinner I used a spoon and took a taste of the queso that my nephews had ordered. My significant other then proceeded to lecture me about food choices. I told her that soft cheese was ok on my current protocol. This didn't seem to make much difference to her. It sort of hurt my feelings but I didn't say anything. Am I overreacting or should I be thankful that I have someone watching over me so carefully. She has been 100% supportive of me in all ways. I just guess I felt like it was unnecessary for anything to be said at all. It's not like I wolfed down a basket of chips and ate the whole bowl of queso. I was kind of proud of myself as I thought "wow...that's the least amount of queso I've ever eaten in my life!

Thanks for the reply STL. When I posted, I was 3 1/2 weeks out, now I'm 6 weeks out and I can definitely see things from your perspective. I was definitely overly sensitive on the night it happened, but after reading more and more about the future after surgery, I realize that myself and those around me are coming from a position of love and caring. The more I read, the more I'm starting to actually fear what happens after the "honeymoon" phase is over. When you've spent your entire life craving food all the time and you no longer do, it's amazing to not be constantly hungry...and it's hard to imagine that this feeling won't last. But then when you start reading and understanding things more clearly about the post-op journey, you realize that it's all about learning to control what and how much you eat from here on out....or things will spiral out of control. Thanks for responding.

I feel your pain! I was so proud of myself because honestly, this was the least amount of queso I've ever eaten in my life!!!!

Tek, Thanks for the excellent response! I'm driving home now to give her a piece of my mind! Robert

I'm probably a bit overly-sensitive since the surgery....my head is still trying to get used to my body.:) I didn't say anything at the restaurant and would not do that. It did seem a bit condescending in the moment but now that I've had a few days to think about it and read y'alls replies, I can take a step back and realize it was coming from a place of care and concern. Thanks for the responses and the well wishes!

I just saw my surgeon last week...3 1/2 weeks post op. There's a gym opening right next to my office and I mentioned joining and he told me to just walk for the next 6-8 weeks. At the 3 month post op point he said working out would be fine but to focus on the arms/legs and strengthening muscles and stay away from stomach crunching type exercises like sit ups....which I would have stayed away from regardless of him saying anything.