myownbl

Okay, so it all started out so great. I was banded on 8/11/08 and from the pre-op liquid only diet to the end of the year, I was a rock star and shed nearly 60 pounds. I've still got another 60-70 lbs to go, but I had a major life change and have completely fallen off program. "I've fallen and I can't get up!" I think I've gone to the place mentally that we all go when we fall off -- beating myself up, starting again "on Monday", and all the other self-defeating crap I've been trying to get over for the last thirty years. It's been months since I've been on this site but woke up this morning with you all on my mind. I think I just need a reality check about what it is I'm trying to do here -- just feel so lost right now and trying desperately to find my way back. I'm avoiding the scale because I know by the way my clothes are fitting that I'm up at least 8-10 pounds. How do I reconnect with that part of me that wants to keep off of my high blood pressure medication (was taken off a couple of months ago YEA!), keep the newfound energy and sense of confidence I've gained -- all of it. Just reaching out for feedback, a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, and a firm shove on my backside to help me get back on track. I never expected to fall off like this -- and I want to be back on track when my one-year surgery date comes around. I think that would make me feel so much stronger from a psychological perspective for some reason. Any feedback welcome -- and thanks to everyone who even reads my S.O.S. whether you reply or not. I'll take the positive energy however it comes...

...back on track plan of attack worked today... Taking things one day at a time but as I said in my earlier post, the mind is an amazing thing that can be your worst enemy, or your best friend. Either way, it is the key...

P.S. Restless Monkey -- you are something else! :-)

Thanks to you all for even taking the time to respond. I needed to hear it all, but the one thing that was shockingly a slap back into reality: my lapband is not a diet. I know this -- but I subconsciously forgot all about this FACT in my few months of huge life changes and stress. I allowed that FACT to slip from my consciousness so that I could go right back to my old habits. Oh, the mind...it is so strong. THAT WAS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR, FOR WHATEVER REASON! So I've re-ordered my favorite Protein powder and bars...broken the wrapper on a nice, new journal and have placed it in my briefcase, and have made the decision to do protein only tomorrow just to "cleanse my pallet" and get me back on track. And, I've scheduled an appointment with my surgeon for this Friday, where I will face my fears...and the dreaded scale. To be honest, I'm not sure that I'm 100% ready mentally/emotionally to climb back on that horse; but ready or not, here I come! I know that the readiness quotent will be upped as I take one conscious step after another...no magic bullet. I'm sitting here in the dark with very watery eyes as I type this because I'm thinking about my lifelong struggle with obesity and food...I've got this tool called a lapband and damn it, I'm going to make it work for me (again) by putting in the effort it takes to make it work. No matter what we do, this battle is so hard. But you know what? Such is life -- NO MORE WHINING. Tomorrow will really be my "Monday" and I'm going to just take it as it comes and push my way back on the right path. Okay, so now I'm rambling... THANK YOU for answering my S.O.S.

Hello everyone, I was banded on August 11 by Dr. Barry Greene in Rockville, Marlyand. Everything has been going along just fine and my current restriction is decent, even without a fill. That said, if I have to drink one more chocolate...banana...strawberry, vanilla ANYTHING I am going to lose my marbles! I figured out this week how to make things a bit more "interesting" by going to my favorite Thai restaurant and having her whip me up a nice and mild Lemongrass Soup; then I drink the broth of soup(which is very, very close to clear) and let my husband eat the chicken and veggies. It has saved me this week. My question to those of you who have done the two-week post-op liquid diet is how was it when you ate for the first time? I am actually a little scared about eating and having something get stuck. And was is a common "first meal?"

I am new to this experience as I have only been banded since August 11, 2008. But I can relate to your experience and just tell you this: FOCUS ON YOURSELF! The nicest, most respectful and honorable thing you can do for you in your situation is to remember that you are on a path to get control of your life and your health. You can't worry about what others around you -- even those in your on family -- are eating because that then takes the focus away from you. Easier said than done, I know. But I am convinced that a big reason I find myself in my situation is because I was always focused on everyone else and ended up using food as my reward -- my way of doing something "extra special" for me. And we all know where that ends up! As for the smoking -- yeah, I know it's hard because I watched my mother go throught kicking the habit and it was no joke. But listen: I also watched my father, who was a life smoker, snuffed out by lung cancer. Trust me, you will so thank yourself a thousand times over for letting that habit fall by the wayside. Sodas -- just crap, sweetie. Good riddins! Same for me and my sweets addiction -- never met a candy, cookie, or ice cream I didn't like and I just had to say buh-bye, you know? I haven't even started solid foods yet but have gone from a 22/24 to a 14 in my tops. Candy -- what's that! Hang in there, chica! P.S. I am in charge of the dinners in our family and I do exactly what Restless Monkey suggests: for now, until my resistance is stronger, I make myself scarce when it's mealtime. If I didn't, I'd probably be writing the same posting as the one you posted. Breathe...and be kind to yourself.

Congrats to you, too! The only major problem I've had to date is controlling my constant fantasies about food -- which have been completely unexpected. I even crave food that I never really even ate back in my "heyday." I have a family so I am still making sure that they are eating, but preparing their meals only "fans the flames" of my food fantasies. That said, my weightloss is going great -- averaging a pound a day -- and I am feeling better, though weaker sometimes. I think I'm mainly afraid of physically getting food stuck. Though I am fantasizing a lot about food -- fried, cheezy food -- I am convicted in my commitment to remain on the right path. I am liking the way I feel -- and look -- more each day, and I cannot think of a food (no matter how fried and/or cheezy) that is worth more. I just want to make sure that I don't injure myself. And you? And yes, I am supposed to start eating the soft foods on Sunday -- and I'm nervous about it.