m&nsmama

Yeah, but in So-Cal I sometimes feel like I can't throw a rock without hitting a bariatric surgeon. Tonight I will be researching no less than 9 in my zipcode alone. It was nice thinking I had all the researching behind me (Dr. Liu was the perfect combination of high numbers, good outcomes, good bedside manner). No biggie, just frustrating and not what I want to do after an endoscopy. :omg_smile:

I have my endoscopy on the 10th. Last August I had several ulcers (confirmed via endoscopy). While I am no longer have the pain I did last year (I was doubled over every time I ate anything) I am worried I still have a few hiding in there. Any one have ulcers and still have a band? My doctor says no-go. I'm nervous to be so close to the surgery, only to find out I have ulcers and can't have it done. On the flip side, if I do have ulcers, how long would it take for them to heal? (Knowing that each case is unique and any time offered is a general estimate.) Thank you for any help! :thumbup:

Are there any members from the west coast who care to share any recommendations? I've tried to do a few searches on my own, but so far nothing has come up. Is there a section of the forum that I am missing? I was planning on seeing Dr. Carson Lui, but holy-moly am I having trouble with his office staff. There have been mistakes already, and I haven't even gone to my first appointment. :thumbup: I live in Riverside, so really most of southern California will work since I'm in the middle of everything. LA, San Diego, Palm Springs, etc. Your help is very much appreciated!

I don't see it as jealousy, really. When I think of someone jealous, I think resentment, envy...someone who becomes unhappy with your successes. To me it sounds like he is more insecure--afraid that the "same old him" will not be enough for the "new you." I went through something similar when my husband started working out and getting really fit and muscular a few years back. It was just a temporary bout of insecurity on my part, which I got over quickly after I realized I was being silly (and he agreed! )

Thanks everyone. It's nice to hear that I am not alone with these issues. I've decided not to tell a certain group of friends that I've only had for two years. To be honest, in the last few weeks they've shown their true colors. If I'm going to get healthy about my weight, I need to get healthy about the people I associate with. I think I need to start distancing myself from people that are happiest when I am down (which I am shocked to realize this has been the case for quite some time ). Everyone else I will probably tell. I just have to have heart-to-hearts with everyone about keeping things private and how much I value and appreciate their support, even if they don't agree 100% with my decision (and that if they can't give it, well...).

So I have decided to get the lap band, and am very excited! I was flopping back and forth for the last few weeks, but I met someone here from my town who has used my doctor and I am now confident this is the right thing to do. My problem? I'm having trouble with my friends, and hope you can give me some advice--if you can make it to the end of this post, that is! I told my best friend back when I was researching it, and her response was lukewarm, at best. I've known her since kindergarten (30+ years) and jealousy is an issue for her. Always has been, and that's ok. No one is perfect. She is moderately over weight. Maybe 35 pounds. I need to lose 80-90 pounds. I told some other friends, and got a slightly better response. The thin ones don't really approve, but no surprise there. They have no concept of what it is like to struggle with weight. The very overweight ones acted jealous--another expected response. Last week I started the South Beach Diet because that is the diet my doctor recommends as a lifestyle diet and I thought it would be good to adopt these eating habits now, pre-surgery. I started the diet with my best friend, who was very excited to do it with me. I also told everyone who knew I was researching the surgery that I was having second thoughts. Everyone tried to hide their happiness about it, but I could tell. As I mentioned, speaking from someone here really gave me the confidence to make this decision. I'm going forward with the surgery. Here is where it gets sticky. I lost 4lbs on South Beach Diet and told my friends. All of them were thrilled with my weight loss, and made a point to discourage the surgery they don't know I decided to have. I made a passing comment to my best friend about feeling better seeing a bunch of old high school friends "after I lose 80lbs with the band) and her response made it clear she would be extremely jealous if I got the band. She asked me repeatedly if I was getting it, and I told her I hadn't decided. So, it's obvious to me my friends want me to stay fat. Fat Me makes them feel better about themselves and their is little to no pressure for them to make changes about their own life. Well, I am not happy as Fat Me. I will have the surgery. The question is whether I should tell them I'm having it. They know I am doing South Beach and have had success. They think I have decided against the surgery. I almost wonder if this is the universe telling me to keep this to myself. I find it disappointing that people respect my weight loss through diet, but make it clear they won't through surgery. Should I keep this surgery a secret and just tell my friends I have been dieting and exercising? None of them are good at keeping secrets, so if I tell one they (and everyone they know) will know. I have to be prepared to tell the universe if I tell them. That bothers me, as well, because I feel they would tell people mainly to discredit my weight loss (done subconsciously to make themselves feel better about their own weight). My husband says I should keep it to myself until someone asks. Then I'm supposed to say, "Yeah, I had the lap-band put in a few months back." :banghead: My husband is very sweet, but he doesn't understand how women work. :thumbup: I either tell them now, or never. My friends would be more upset I didn't tell them than the band itself, I think. Anyone else go through this? What did you decide? p.s. Brownie points for making it to the end of this post.

Not if I end up thinner than them. :wink2:

Thanks for all the replies! They are very much appreciated. Auntlucy--I am private to, about the important things. This is important to me, so I can feel myself going into my shell. Mamacj--I do have two boys, aged 1.5 & 4. They're super cute, if I do say so myself. :w00t: I want to be healthy (inside and out) to give them a good role model. I am normally an open book about most things, but things like this I am quiet about. I started off by telling everyone, but the negative response has made me gun shy about telling more people. leknigh--Some are concerned, you are right. They feel it's very drastic, and I respect that. I've explained to them how different it is from bypass, and it did make them feel somewhat better. Jenz75--Yeah, my BF tells me I won't qualify. My BMI is 42. Trust me, I'll qualify. My insurance is practically begging me to do it. Jmegirl--That seems to be the consensus--that I am taking the easy way out. Sigh. I just told my MIL, and she was very supportive--I knew she would be. For her it has never been about the weight. It was always about living as long and healthy a life as possible w/ her son and grandsons. It was nice. She made sure to tell me she didn't care what I weighed, just as long as this would keep me around longer. Of course I didn't mention the friends (both thin and heavy) who are thrilled for me. They are all excited for me to reap the health benefits of losing weight and are very excited for me. My MIL brought up a good point about my BF. She reminded me that her aunt had gastric-bypass and lost over 150 pounds. She also lost all sense of humility. The woman is insufferable. She now likes to point out to people in the family how much thinner she is than them. :tt2: At first it was understandable--she was excited to be thin. But it's been a few years now. You don't go up to a person and say, "Oh! I love your blouse. I'll have to borrow it from you some time. Oh, wait. That's right--I'm much thinner than you. It will be far too big." I am not kidding. When I told my BF she DID say her aunt really changed from the bypass. Maybe she is afraid I will become obnoxious? Thanks again for all the input.

Thanks! Off to check them out right now. :cursing:

Thanks for the info! I'll look them up right now. San Diego is about an hour away, as is Los Angeles. Do you think that is a problem for fills--or if (God forbid!) some sort of complication?