Hello everyone.
My name is Jeff and I am from South Jersey. I am scheduled to have my first appointment with Dr. Adam Goldstein on Friday, September 5th. Having been to the orientation session twice, I'm reasonably confident in my decision but inevitably I still have doubt. More on that later.
I am 25 years old and work in the public sector as a Network Administrator. I am 25 years old and I currently weigh 550 pounds. I was my happiest when I weigh 225, and even then I thought I was big. Fast forward 8 years and I sometimes have trouble believing the number on what is essentially a freight scale I had to buy (because I never could convince myself to ask my dog's vet to weigh me... wow would that have been an esteem-buster). I am in remarkably good health for a man of my weight, I am still very mobile and I am still able to ride an exercise bike everyday. I'd like to ride a real bike again though.
How did I get this way? College, then a hectic job, then friends moving away and moving on with their lives left me first surrounded bv friends who couldn't afford anything but cheap, bad food and then alone with a lot of money and not many people to talk to. Follow that up with anxiety issues (probably due to the weight) that stop me from going to a gym and stress from work that made me eat more and, presto. 560lbs (my highest recorded weight, I suspect I was closer to 600 at some point but I had yet to buy my scale).
In February of this year, I decided I had had enough of spending tons of money on fast food garbage. I was spending anywhere from $15-$30 a day on fast food. Do you know how much food you get at Taco Bell for $15? Of course some of you do. That is why we are all here. And I'd eat it before I got back to my house, leave the bag in my car and go pass out. Leaving me sad and self loathing with a messy car. February 22nd I had had enough. I gave my father my credit and debit cards, got my car detailed so there was no evidence of what I had done in it before, and I swore off fast food. The closest thing I've allowed myself since then has been deli sandwiches, and these days I lean more towards the chicken salad sandwich than the meatball.
I started counting calories, but eventually gave that up (to my disappointment). I lost weight, getting down to 530, but it was so difficult and I was watching months tick off my life while I waited. I want to get on with my life, and at that rate I'd be where I wanted to be right around the time I hit 35. Not exactly the turn around I'm looking for.
So like I said, I went to the New Beginnings Orientation. I contacted my insurance company (Horizon) and after a little back and forth they say it is covered by my policy. So now I wait. I still have those doubts I talked about. I worry about what it will be like to not eat a whole bowl of Pasta, ir to only eat a 2" sandwich (or can I even eat sandwiches?). I wonder if I'll still be funny when I'm not as fat. I hate being fat but it defines so much of me I feel like a part of me is going to go away, and while I don't like most of it I'll miss being able to crack a fat joke about myself. I'll miss being able to watch a parents horrified reaction because their 5 year old son just yelled "MOMMY LOOK A GIANT!" while I smile and laugh to myself.
I am a giant afterall, the parent was just mortified at their kids honesty.
One Last Sandwich - Adventures in Fatblogging is my blog. The last entry is about me trying Alli. It didn't do anything for me in the end, but I also didn't crap myself while on it. So I guess that is a silver lining. I hurt my tailbone sitting down too hard and so I haven't ridden my bike in a while, but I hope as that heals and as I get my weight loss going, I'll return to it.
So I guess that was hello. Thanks for listening and I look forward to being part of the community.
-Jeff