TheGh0st

I just got off the phone with the plastic surgeon's office and I'm going in for my Extended Tummy Tuck with addition liposuction on my upper abdomen, October 9th!

Now let's just hope I find the funds by then.

Karey - OK I'm not new to Lapbandtalk but have never done a challenge before. I posted my starting weights on Friday, but wondered if you would rather I/we post updated weights on a specific day of the week, like Mondays. If so there is still no change from my Friday Weight.

7-23-07 - 169.8 (-3.8 or +2 depending on your outlook)

7-9-07 - 173.6

approx 2 Months ago - 167.8

Goal for bandversary - 159 or 1-1/4 pounds per week

Surgery date: 9-13-05

Height: 5'2"

Age: 37

I sometimes wish my husband would. He's got it in his head its a sin though I don't know where that one's "written". Though I suppose in his favor he also believes it increases his desire to look at porn which he swore off nearly 10 years ago. So if thats what it takes to keep him away from the porn I guess its OK. But it sure makes it more difficult for me to get mine in without rushing or worrying about getting caught.

Humnbirdnut - Great to see a fellow 9/13 bandster even if a year apart. Lucky 13 Forever!

:happybday:Happy Belated Birthday Faith!! :(

Hope you got your copy by now. I finished mine Sunday afternoon.:nerd: No spoilers from me, but I do have to say..:censored:! After I finish a Dune Series by Herberts son I've been working on I may just have to dig up all my HP books and start over again.

I did make it to the Potter party at the movie theatre in the end.:pop2:

It was great fun! I was the 3rd person to get my book!:whoo::nerd:

And I loved the movie though the constant supply of "Swamp Water" :cocktail::cocktail::cocktail:they delivered to my seat in the balcony from the theatre's bar may have helped. I'm getting too old for the late nights out though. I'm frequently up at home after midnight but at the theatre it was all I could take not to fall asleep :notagree during the 20 minute wait after the movie and before we could get in line for our books.

Everyone post when they are done so we can start talking about it.

Karey, I thought I posted them a few posts up.

Last Friday's Weight - 169.8 (-3.8 or +2 depending on your outlook)

Previous Week - 173.6

2 Months ago - 167.8

Goal for bandversary - 159 or 1-1/4 pounds per week

Surgery date: 9-13-05

Height: 5'2"

Age: 37

Hey all, I'm back. I usually only post from work. My connection at home sucks and I'm paranoid my husband will walk in and find what I've been posting. This is as close to journalling as I get besides the worry over it being found I think I also worry that if I start writing it all down it might make things "worse" by making me face other issues in the marriage that I may be hiding from.

I've also wanted to share this site with some friends and family members that I think could benefit from it but then I don't want them to see my posts. I wish I'd thought it out a bit more ahead of time and maybe created a second identity on Lapband just for this site.

Gadget Lady - Thankyou so much for the offer. I checked out the site and it looks like a good organization. My husband & I went to one years ago before our 3-1/2 year old was born. We've talked of going again but its hard to get away.

Fran, MomLambert & Nicnaknut - Good to see new faces here. Keep posting.

Lambert - I also feel like I'm coming at this site from a little different angle than some. But this thread is for all intimacy problems as far as I'm concerned. My husband do tend to do it around 1 time a week sometimes twice a week and sometime once every 2-3 weeks. Our intimacy problems are twofold, On his side I don't feel that he is NOT affectionate. He never initiates, hugs or holding hands and usually if he says "I love you" it means something else like "Are you done talking yet I really wish you'd leave me alone already" His idea of foreplay is to either ask if I'm awake or to walk into the livingroom while I'm watching TV and say "it's been a while are we going to have sex tonight or what?" On my side I rarely really want sex, I say its because of his poor affection skills but I think that is really only part of it. I know there is also a lot of baggage from what happened to me before we got married. I use to reject my DH most of the time when we first got married as I felt strongly that sex should be a mutually desired act of intimacy not just a chore to be done out of obligation. And having sex after being asked if I was awake or after a day of arguing just didn't seem to interesting to me. We got to the point it was only once every few months then I'd give in and do it even though I didn't want to. I use to get so mad at my Christian friends that would tell me I should "submit" out of some Christian duty. But then about a year before I got the band I started just going with the flow. I have no idea why, maybe I was just tired of seeing the rejection in his face or maybe it was a change in my hormone levels after our son was born. But I will say that it has gotten easier and more enjoyable over time. Many times when he asks (before we go to bed) I will still say how about tomorrow and he's learned to accept that. There has even been the rare occasion when he has nearly behaved in a way that might be called foreplay. I still desperately miss the non-bedroom affection. It really plays on your insecurities. Making me worry sometimes when we have sex it isn't because he wants me so much as it is he just wants sex and I happen to be the female next to him. Don't get me wrong I don't believe he has ever cheated and doubt he ever would, but then again where have I heard that before?

OK I've rambled enough for this morning.

I'm having either a extended Tummy Tuck or may just go for a full lower body lift. I'm also planning on having a breast reduction (covered by insurance) later as the surgeon won't perform both surgeries at the same time. I'd also love to have my inner thighs done but highly doubt I can find the money much less convince my husband to spend any more on me than we already have.

I'm hoping to have the stomach done in either early September or October. I'd like to do it on Sep 13th my bandversary but my mother is on vacation then and wouldn't be able to help me with my 3 year old until early October. So I'm torn.

Darn - I just stood in line at Borders for 2 hours for naught. The movie theatre I was planning on going to tonight is actually paired up with a bookstore to make an evening of it. The tickets are $65 but include the price of the book, $10 in "concessions" and seats in the VIP aldults only balcony section of the theatre complete with pub food & alcoholic drinks delivered to your seat by a waitress.

I was already planning on going there tonight but didn't know they were going to have books right there ready for pickup after the movie gets over at midnight.

Still wish me luck as I have a "date" with my DH at 4:30pm today while our toddler has an evening pizza party at the preschool. My plan is to have fun on our date pick up the son, put him to bed and convince my hubby to let me out of the house in time for the movie which starts at 9pm. Suppose if all else fails I do still have my place in line at Borders.

I'm noticing that more and more reporters are calling the current series Harry Potter and the Hogwarts Years. I wonder if that's telling at all?

Hmmm.... Interesting, Very Interesting.

Karey - Just came in on this thread. Would love to join the challenge. I was banded Sep of 2005 and am starting the Plastic Surgery rounds. Hoping to have surgery sometime in September. Thought about scheduling it for the 13th which would be my 2 year bandversary. It all depends on everyone elses schedules. Other employees' vacations at my & my husbands work as well as my mother & sisters schedules as I'd like them to come help out after surgery.

Back to the challenge:

Today's weight - 169.8 (-3.8 or +2 depending on your outlook)

Last Week - 173.6

2 Months ago - 167.8

Goal for bandversary - 159 or 1-1/4 pounds per week

Just found this site. Don't know why I didn't search this out sooner. Should have known there were other banded Harryfiles out there.

I am so excited about tonight. I still haven't seen the new movie. DH & I were on vacation this last week. He thinks I'm nuts over the whole Harry thing and hasn't read a single book. But I've made plans to go to a 21+ movie theatre with seat side bar service at 9pm tonight to watch the movie then straight to Borders to pick up my book at midnight. Skipped out of work for 2 hours this morning to secure my place near the front of the line tonight. Thought I'd be one of the few to turn up right at 9am to get my arm band for tonights line-up. Silly me, there were nearly 150 people ahead of me with a line extending out and 1/2 round the building. I'd told work I was ferrying my husband to a repair shop with his truck. Then the bugger decided to call work to talk to me. HE NEVER CALLS MY WORK LINE! Boy, I had a bit of explaining to do when I got back to work. But it was still worth it.

Dumbledore - would love for him to be alive. And for Sirius to come back perhaps as a ghost. There are enough other characters significant and otherwise that die that I don't think it would hurt for one of these to play a role in the end.

Future books - I know she says she won't write more but maybe someday she'll either pick up the pen again or authorize someone else to do it for her. There are a few precedents for that for example Isaac Asimov swore he wouldn't write anymore Foundation books then penned several more. And Frank Herbert's son went on to write two more series of books on the Dune theme in colaboration with other authors.

The next Potter series I'd love to see would actually be one focusing on the years his parents went through Hogwarts rather than Harry's life after school. Imagine the fun that could be had exploring those years, with a young Hagrid, Snape and perhaps even a "likeable" Voldemort whom we find we are hoping against hope won't turn bad even though we all know he does.

Monk - the "D" in DH can also be substituted for a myriad of other words beginning with "D" depending on the context.:heh:

Monk, I don't know that my faith is one to be envied because God knows I have questioned Him a number of times. Who's to know what the future holds. I have been hypocritical at least 10 times today, oh well. I do know that what is most important is what you do and you have touched many lives (add me to the list). You have values and morals - that counts.

I couldn't have said it better. I am NO saint. Monk it is you that is an inspiration to me, I feel humbled by the obstacles you have overcome and the positive influence you are for so many.

- Diane

Good luck, keep us(me) posted

Nina - No offense taken nor did I think you were questioning my faith. I am really glad you have joined in this board. It is good to get a wide range of views here.

Monk - I completely respect your position and would never presume to believe it my place to tell you that you should feel or behave any differently. I hope you don't think I was trying to push my religious beliefs onto you or anyone else. I actually hesitated posting the biblical quote for fear it might be insensitive to some but decided that by not posting it I would have been behaving more as if I was ashamed of my faith.

Nina,

I am not trying to argue with you either. I find your posts very supportive, meaningful and completely appropriate to this topic. I hope to see many more posts from you.

When it comes right down to it we may be in much more of an agreement than it first appears. I think it may be more a matter of definition, before posting this response I decided to look up the actual definition of “forgive” on the internet. Below are several definitions I found.

Definitions for Forgive: (as found over the internet)

1. to release (a person) from liability for an offense.

2. to free a person from their guilt, or blame, or from their consequences

3. to cease to feel resentment against

The first two are the definition I always thought of and were/are the reason I am unwilling to say that I have “forgiven” my abusers. But the 3rd definition “to cease to feel resentment against” was a definition I had never heard before for “forgive”, and I have ceased to feel any resentment towards them years ago. I am still uncomfortable using the word forgiveness for how I feel towards them but I do believe that my ability to embrace that 3rd definition was a necessary step in healing.

Yes, I am an active Christian, though I do not claim to be a “perfect” one for truly no one can be. And sometimes, yes, my refusal to state I’ve “forgiven” my transgressors does strike me as possibly not what Jesus taught. Then again in the parable below it is interesting to note the servant that was forgiven by the king was not forgiven until he fell down and begged for it, though I highly doubt that was the message I was suppose to take from it.

Quote: Matthew 18:20-35 (New Living Translation)

Parable of the Unforgiving Debtor

21 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”

22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!

23 “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. 24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. 25 He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.

26 “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ 27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.

28 “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.

29 “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. 30 But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.

31 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. 32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ 34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.

35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”

Personally for me, the healing began with forgiveness. I had to forgive the violator for what he did, forgive myself for "thinking" that I could have prevented it.

Nina

I completely respect your opinion. For myself however, I have let go of my anger and even hatred but I haven't forgiven either of the violators. I personally can't get my head around forgiving someone that doesn't believe they need to be forgiven much less have any desire to ask for it. For myself I feel that letting go of the anger, shame and guilt was enough. I only mention this as my mom continues to preach that forgiving the violators is an absolute must whether or not they want it. She believes I'm only deluding myself in saying that I have moved on if I don't forgive them. I am NOT implying that you have said or hinted at any such thing and am not offended by your post. But I still wanted to post that I didn't feel the forgiveness had been necessary for me in my own situation.

I know that some of you mentioned not wanting to rehash or dredge up old memories, I can so understand that, but I think that we have to be able to face it.

Nina

I wholeheartedly agree with you on this. Again I don't expect everyone to follow the same path as myself but the more I am willing to talk openly about my past the less power it has over me. I try to talk as openly about what has happened to me to anyone, anywhere, treating it as no more taboo a subject as a horrible car accident or illness such as cancer. Yes it is a sensitive subject but by being quiet and hiding its existence in my past it increases my chance of feeling somehow responsible if only in part for the abuse. This behaviour has caused tension at times with other family members as one of the violators was a relative.

Hey Chantay, Glad you posted. I wish this board were more active as well. Congrats on the weight loss. You are doing great!

Any interest in joining me walking either Monday nights in Olathe or Thursday nights around Zona Rosa?

- Diane

Absolutely beautiful Monk!

iluvamc - do you mind saying how much the surgery cost for your thighs and where you had it done? I'm in the Kansas Area and the one doc I went to was quoting around 7.5K just for the thighs.

I'm terrible. I still haven't got around to getting a photo taken for proof. But a couple months ago I saw a show about a SKINNY woman with some exess skin from multiple pregnancies. Her stomach skin didn't look anything like ours, it looked more like the old "elephant" ankles of sagging nylons if you know what I mean. The show said there was no scientific backing for this but that they gave her an intense massage for 8 weeks. They didn't say if the massages were 15-min or 1-hour sessions or if they were daily or weekly. But in the after shot her skin was completely tight again with no sagging. So I decided to test it on just one arm. I "massage" my left arm as vigorously as I can at least once a day usually just for a couple of minutes at a time. I rub the underneath with my knuckles like you might knuckle rub a kids head. And I also rub the back of my arms with my fingers. I try to rub hard enough to actually turn the skin red. Like I said I only do it for a couple minutes at a time. For example I will do it watching TV, at a red light in traffic, or in the shower while letting the conditioner set. After just 3 days I could already see a difference and within 2 weeks my left arm was 1-inch smaller than my right. It's now about 1-1/2" smaller but doesn't seem to be shrinking anymore. Though I have been remiss in massaging it lately. My left arm is by no means small now but it does look a little less unsightly to me. I will try to get my husband to snap a couple shots this week so I can post something next week.

I'd love to have someone else give it a try and let me know the results. I wish I could figure out how to do this to my thighs or stomach as well but its just not possible to do it to yourself in those areas with the necessary pressure and I have yet to convince my husband to do it for me. I tried to convince him it could be considered foreplay but for some reason he didn't bite.

OFF TOPIC!

I have been lurking and occasionally posting on this thread from the start with my own intimacy issues with my husband.

But the more I read this thread the more I'm feeling convicted that I'm guilty of some of the same issues we are having with our DH's but in regards to my relationship with my mother. I thought I'd go ahead and share this with you as it is possible some of our DH's are also struggling with some of the same feelings as I am.

I know I worked myself into a corner with my mother years ago. In fact I'm embarrassed to admit it was over 20 years ago now back in early high school. I had finally "bloomed" into a very well endowed young lady and my new found chest was an alien object to me. And the thought of hugging ANY other female was just too much for me. The whole thought of the feeling of my new breasts against someone else's breasts wierded me out to no end.

My mom couldn't understand why I was all of a sudden so unwilling to hug her. I tried explaining it to her but she didn't seem to believe me and thought something else might be wrong like an abusive boyfriend or sexual abuse. She would go so far as to try to walk in on me changing my clothes at home or in clothing stores to see if she could find any bruising. That behaviour didn't help any as if I was uncomfortable feeling my chest against another women's I was even more upset at anyone seeing them. It all came to a head one day when she thought she could "cure" me with some tough love and literally chased me all around the house trying to force a hug out of me. She thought if she could just hold me long enough I'd get over my phobia. In the end I was standing in the bathtub arms outstreched crying, yelling, begging her to leave me alone.

Since then I was even more unwilling to hug, if that was possible. She continued to try to force them on me after I went to college especially in public places where she thought she might coerce me into giving into a hug rather than causing a scene. It only pissed me off more at the thought of what I saw as her disrespect for my feelings. It actually took me nearly 10 years to finally get used to hugging another female, but those females are my inlaws and other female friends. Not my mother or by extension my sister who I also don't hug out of some warped respect for the fact that it would hurt my mother to see me hug my sister but not her. To this day it takes everything in me not to physically cringe when she initiates a hug. And though I do grudgingly allow it I know she can tell I'm uncomfortable touching her. And I never initiate one myself.

Which is very sad because I love her dearly. I live 300 miles away but we talk nearly every other day. And other than this one issue which in all fairness really shouldn't have been a big issue she has never abused me physically or emotionally. I would really like to be able to hug my mother openly, I know I'm unfairly hurting her. But it's become such a big "elephant" hiding in the room. That I'm still actually afraid to show much of a response when she tries to hug me or worse initiate the hug myself for fear that she would break down with tears of joy and not let go for so long it might take another 20 years before I tried to hug her again.

But even though she is not old in my eyes. She is not getting any younger and I would hate myself even more if I wasn't able to get over this foolishness before it was too late. I tried once to tell her if she would stop trying to hug me I would make the effort to hug her. I feel if she would only allow me to come to her on my terms I could slowly get back to where we once were so many years ago but I'm still scared she won't be willing to make the baby steps that I need.

I am going to be seeing her this weekend. And am going to try to remain convicted enough to give her a genuine hug initiated by me. And pray that my fears are unfounded and that she doesn't start crying and refuse to let go until I pry her off me.

Wish me luck.

Kitty - I know it is probably one of the scariest things to do considering the situation right now. But I also agree that the next time he says something nice while you are "sleeping". Let him know you are awake, maybe just say something like "I love you too dear" without trying to start a conversation. You never know maybe he is secretly hoping you really are awake, but at the same time afraid of the flood gates that his comment might open. By flood gates I guess I mean long serious conversations he may not be willing to have yet or renewed attempts at physical contact he is also not yet willing to accept.

Robyn

I'm glad to hear your surgery is done. I'm so sorry you've had to go through all these struggles.