TheGh0st

I also like the deferred debt idea, at least for situations where the man can show some intent to defraud on the woman's part. I even see no problem in sueing the woman for additional "hard-ship" damages beyond what was paid in child support if and only if they can proof willfull intent to fraud. My problem with this when there is a lack of proof of intentional fraud still comes back to the idea if the child has though this person was their father for years (long enough to know what is going on not just an infant) and the man has been taking emotional responsibility for this child in addition to the financial responsibility, then I have a harder time with justifying the emotional trauma these cases will add to the child. I can understand hating the woman and wanting to punish her but how can he just stop loving the child like its just some light switch to be turned off?

I also like the idea that the man no matter the situation could track down and sue the biological father for reimbursement of those back payments.

My husband's best friend married a woman that claimed to be pregnant with his chlid even though they had broken up several months earlier. Several years later they divorced and after the divorce he found out that his 3 year old son that he had been devoted to even more so than the mother wasn't his biologically. Once he found that out he never saw the child again or supported it in any way. I had understood his desire not to give his ex-wife any money but it always bothered me that he was able to so easily abandon the 3-year old boy that had loved him unconditionally. was

I'm not sure you really want my views. I actually think it would depend more on the circumstances. Just because someone is not the biological father to me does not automatically preclude them from the responsibility of child support. In the very story you mentioned he (and the girl) spent the last 10 years believing he was the father. It does not say how long after she was born that he divorced the mother but presumably he has spent many if not all of those years loving and raising her as his own. So why should the fact that he has found out now that he is not the biological father give him the right to a "refund"? If a man & wife adopt a child and they divorce isn't the non-custodial parent still liable to help with child support despite the lack of DNA?

Now if you had said that they had divorced around the time of the pregnancy 10 years ago amid suspicions over the paternity and that he had never assumed a parental role emotionally or psychologically (spell?) then I might say he had some justification for not wanting to pay further child support and if he could show intentional fraud on the ex-wife's part I could see some room for him to sue for the child-support he already paid.

Sadly both sides of my family are in similar situations right now. We live in the midwest which I believe has relatively similar home valuations as Florida. My in-laws purchased a brand-new as you said no-expense spared home last year and have been trying to no avail to sell their former home. To make matters worse the former home is in the 500+K market which has even fewer potential buyers out there to pull from. They are also thinking of putting their new home back on the market to see which sells first. Sadly the newer home really is better a better homve for them to be in as they look towards retirement. Despite being even more expensive it is smaller with the master bedroom on the main floor and in a maintenance free neighborhood. Their old home is a 6 bedroom 4 full bath, 3-car attached garage and a 3-car detached garage with a workshop & barn. It sits on 5 acres on the edge of town with an outdoor greenhouse, large pond and expansive gardens. All of which make it difficult for them to manage on their own as they get older.

My mother on the other hand just re-married last year and between her and her husband they own 5 homes. None of these homes have the latest or greatest anything. They are plain old middle class mid-america homes built between the 1920's to 1950's valued between 100-120K each. To sell them they have worked out two different solutions one of the homes after listing it with a realtor for a year they signed paperwork for the realtor agency to act as manager of the property and rent it out with the option to buy. Their thoughts on this is that either the economy will rebound and they will be able to sell it at a better price than now or since of the 5 homes this is the one that requires the least upkeep and is a larger community putting it nearer hospitals and such if they start feeling "old" in a few years (or decades) they may just move back into it.

A couple of the other homes they have managed to make non-traditional arrangements with buyers who didn't qualify for standard mortgages and might not otherwise have been able to buy a home. One of the buyers for example is a brick-layer who although he is paid very well while working he also experiences frequent seasonal lay-offs which made it impossible for him to get a standard mortgage. These types of homes sales basically put you in the role of banker selling the home direct to the buyer on contract. Mom has done this a few times, it can be a bit of a hassle staying on top of the buyers to make sure you get paid, but in the long run you can make bigger profits as you are also collecting all the interest from the sale of the house instead of a bank. Frequently if the bricklayer was having troubles making payments in the winter she would work out arrangements for him to work off some of his debt by doing handyman projects at some of her other homes.

Maybe with your husbands construction connections he might know of someone like the bricklayer that would be interested in working out an arrangement to buy your old home?

Bandsters have the right to indulge once in a while without getting the third degree from DH.

Is it just me? :smile:

OMG YES!!!

MY DH had the nerve to buy an entire cherry pie over the weekend with no company coming or any other reason for buying it then after he ate nearly 1/2 the pie by himself within 24 hours he goes all apesh!t over me because he noticed 1/2 of one slice was missing and how dare I eat it after all the money we spent for me to lose this weight. Well how dare he buy something as ridiculous as a whole pie for no one but himself. Grrrr...

How about a thread called "Newbie Information - Start Here" . . . with all the descriptions and such :smile:

There is one (see the link below) however, it is tucked in the Lap-Band Surgery FAQs and References page about 8 "stickies" down from the top. Once found it seems a logical place as any to put it. But it wasn't my first place to look. I hadn't thought of definitions to LBT abbreviations as being a Lap Band Surgery FAQ. Maybe Alex could move it so it was a sticky at the top of the main page.

Still I think that newbies should have the right to ask wether or not they can prove they looked first and old-timers have the right to get frustrated. Just no name calling please.

I believe we have the right to bash, beat or otherwise harm anyone who tells us we have "Taken the easy way out".

*** AMEN!!! ***

I've seen and used SO on this site before but I prefer to use DH when referring to my own husband. I have nothing wrong with being politically correct and all-inclusive to others and I have no wish to offend anyone by the use of DH, but I just don't see the need to extend political correctness to the point that I can't refer to my own husband as a husband and have to call him my SO just in case it my offend someone else.

I don't want to harp on this but think to yourself if you are having a conversation with a friend and they repeatedly use a word you don't understand do you think to yourself "Gee I need to find a dictionary and look it up so I know what my friend is talking about" or do you just politely ask your friend "WTF does that word mean anyway?"

I realize no one here is trying to bash the newbies for this here but really no matter how tiring it is to see new people asking the same questions over and over whats the real harm?

or "D@m~ Husband!":devil: Depending on the context.

I've also included a link to a thread that may be helpful with other abbreviations.

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f73/abbreviations-what-they-mean-7959/

Welcome to the banded side of life. Glad you found us.

Yah, that seems fair but what if the newbies are as dumb as Green was/is? :biggrin::faint:

Or as dumb as me who stumbled into this thread while looking for the abbreviations thread to give to a newbie asking what DH stood for on another thread this morning. I've been here going on two years and it still took me near 5 minutes to find that thread!

I vote for leaving the right for newbies to ask what an abbreviation means intact. After all we were all newbies once and not everyone has 5 minutes to dig through LBT to find the definition when they are trying to sneak a peak during work.

And what does LMAO mean anyway???

No kidding Laurend.

Firefly - I don't know what the "real" story is and I don't care. For the most part real is only in the eye of the beholder. V isn't posting these comments here to stir things up so there is no reason for you to either.

V - congratulations on your weight loss to date. Keep up the good work and don't let anything posted here scare you away from LBT.

OK I am not a doctor or even in the medical field so I can't claim to be an expert at this just because I happen to have a band inside me. And Gwen I swear we are not trying to pick on you. I completely understand how it seems logical that if took nearly 10 cc's for you to fill restricted in your 10cc band that a larger band wouldn't sound like it could work for you. For the record I was one that needed 12.5cc's in my 10cc band to feel good restrictioin. I'm only responding because I don't want someone to be unnecessarily worried that there doc might accidentally put a band in that is too large. It would be worse for a doc to put one in too small and be too restricted at the beginning.

That said I too was at a support group where they passed the different bands around. The one possible difference at my group was that at my group they had rigged each band so that the tubing was attached to the end of a syringe less the needle (not sure if that is the right terminology it looked like the plunger thingy I've used before to give my son medicine when he was an infant) Point being we were able to press the plunger on the syringes ourselves to see just how tight we could make them. On each and everyone we were easily able to fill them to the point that you couldn't fit a bic pen through the opening (Maybe not even a Q-Tip) The only difference other than the baffles, seemed to be the size of the opening before it was filled, which obviously led to the ones with the larger initial opening needing more cc's put in them to obtain the same "tightness" as one another.

As you said so well some people have more fatty tissue around their stomach, and some have less. A person with a BMI of 50+ can end up having very little fatty tissue around the stomach compared to one of a starting BMI of 39+ the doctor just can't tell until he gets in there. The worst part about someone with the larger bands from my experience is that I feel that we sometimes end up needing more fills over the course of the first year do to our excess fatty tissue thinning out as we lose weight.

Congratulations!!!!! and welcome to LBT.

I'll be routing for you.

Mmmm Lobster. I hated it pre-band and now it is one of my favorite dinners to have when DH & I go out. Very band friendly for me and high Protein.

But no I didn't cheat on the pre-op diet. I'm not saying it was easy or that I was better than anyone else for managing to do it. Just with being self-pay (on a credit card no less!) I was too worried about taking any risk no matter how large or small that the surgeon would think my liver to large to manuver around to place the band its not like he was going to give me a refund or try again another day at no additional cost.

Thank the Lord my DH didn't leave me during that pre-op diet because if I hadn't had him to chew up and spit out while going crazy hungry I probably would have cracked and had that one last meal.

Speaking of last meals, running up to the pre-op diet I think I had a whole month of "last meals". Everytime I went to eat I kept thinking about what foods I might have to give up after the band and indulging one last time. Ended up it was all a big waste. The foods I use to think I loved and would miss are either just doesn't even interest me any more or I am still able to eat them (in smaller portions). Sometimes I wish I had believed that pre-band, then maybe I wouldn't have started this journey nearly 10 pounds heavier than when I first decided on the band.

Mountain explained the moving sweet spot really well. I was one of those that seemed to constantly chase it. I don't know if I had a lot of fatty tissue around my stomach or what but the first year alone I had 14 fills.

I will say that for some people (myself included) it can actually be better to not keep personal track of your fills. I have heard too many times both on LBT and at local support group meetings people who according to the fills they had tracked they thought their band was getting close to being filled to its capacity and yet they hadn't reached their "sweet spot". They were all worried they would never get that restriction before the band was "too full". Problem is that just because you have a Xcc band it doesn't mean that they can only fill you with that many cc's. When I finally let my curiosity get to me and asked how much was in my band, they pulled out all the saline they could and found 12.5cc's in my 10'cc band then put it all back in plus a touch.

There is also the tubing to take into consideration and the fact that even though the doc tells you he gave you 1/2 or 1 cc it is just a close estimate they may have only gave you .4 or .8/9 cc's and rounded it up when they told you.

Guess my point is there is nothing wrong with not wanting to know how much they are putting in you if you are afraid you might be the type to worry about hitting that sweet spot before your band reaches its max. Though trust me no matter what size band they put on you they can fill the puppy up tight enough you wouldn't be able to swallow your own spit.

You should however probably know how large your band is, though I'm not exactly sure why. I suppose in case you ever need to go to a different doc.

Congratulations on the quick recovery. Surgery is never "easy" but I too kept shaking my head at how quickly I recovered. I'd had my gallbladder removed laproscopically a year or so before my band and thought I was doing great to be back to work within 4 days. But my recovery from the band surgery was leaps and bounds easier than even that. I did take nearly a week off more than anything to give myself a break from the emotional triggers to want to eat that work gave me while I was still on the liquid phase of my post surgery diet. But for weeks I kept walking around waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop and for the "real" recovery struggles to kick in.

NEVER EVER EVER!!!

The site costs quite a bit to develop and run. Until now it's all come out of my own pocket. Your info will NEVER be given out to advertisers.

I'm not sure if I asked this before or not but is there a way to donate to this site? I don't have a problem with the advertising but I'd also be more than willing to make a donation. This site has helped me more than I could have ever imagined and I'd love to "pay it forward" in the interest of making sure it was around for the support of future bandsters.

No answers here but I have experienced some difficulty with milk as well. Luckily I can still drink it but it doesn't go down anywhere as easy as Water and will frequently cause me to slime as if I had ate too much or not chewed well enough (as if you could chew milk)

TheGhOst: I believe that the answer is control or loss of control issues.

First of all, if we allow our friends, family or spouse dictate what is successful weight loss behavior for us, we might just begin to realize that we may not actually be losing weight for ourselves. If we aren't losing for ourselves, anything and I mean anything, can throw us a curve.

I have even weighed myself and discovered a nice loss only to go out and eat a hot fudge sundae afterwards. Now that is self-destructive behavior in anyone's books. So why would I do that if I truly cared about myself and truly wanted to lose weight? I might do it if I really didn't care about myself and didn't really want to lose weight. Or if I was angry at something my spouse or a friend told me about my weight and I bought into it.

That is a really lousy feeling - to face the fact that I am undermining myself or allowing someone else undermine me by rebelling when I don't like what they say to me. Especially if the rebellion takes the form of eating something I shouldn't be eating if I want to lose weight.

If someone has a brilliant answer to deal with this sort of behavior, please let us know!

As usual you nailed it right on the head. I know that a big part of why I did it was the idea if you are going to nail me to the wall for something I did that wasn't that bad then I might as well go whole hog and be bad. But I knew the whole time the only person I was hurting was myself. I've also started to realize there is a lot of truth to the idea that I've always been afraid of failure and people leaving me. Being overweight was always a great "out". that way if they left I could always say it wasn't the "real" me they left it was the "fat" me. Losing this weight is exposing a lot of other issues in myself and our marriage that we are having to face individually as well as together.

It won't be easy but we are both committed for the long haul.

Congrats on your pound, I know how hard fought they can be at this stage.

Yeah, I knew better about the food. I wanted to post about it online but was so upset at the time I was afraid I'd write a novel twice as long as the one I just wrote. (Plus my computer at home is very SLOW) still there was no reason for the food I ate or the food he brought home.

He is 6'1" to my 5'2" but is slowly creeping up the scale (currently at 225) which puts him at a nearly identical BMI to me. And he eats constantly. I have no idea why he brought home the pie. Whenever anyone else brings us anything like that he thows it away as soon as they leave, especially if it is something he knows either I or our son likes more than him. He had ate nearly half the pie when I ate a 1/2 a slice. The next morning he saw I'd had some and got all upset with me about it. Thought the band should stop me from being able to eat ANY pie. I said no it just makes it so I had to skip my dinner to have room for it. Not a healthy option I agreed but still not a sign I needed a fill.

Today I ate one more large slice for "Breakfast" then brought it to work for my co-workers to eat so neither DH or I would be tempted to eat more.

The big fight was more over respect. If I come home and he has been working on the house I might ask if he has done X or Y so I know what is left for me to do. Instead he gets upset thinking I'm looking for something to criticize so I apologize and tell him that isn't what I meant. But when he does something similar (like this weekend) and comes home from "a drive to think" and starts asking what all I've done around the house and I mention he is sounding overly critical his response is to tell me that maybe if its a sign I should have done more. The last two weekends in a row we have gotten into similar arguments that escalate until we are both cleaning but he is stomping around the house in silence like a little child having a tantrum. I'm getting VERY sick of this. I don't deserve to be treated worse than a stranger on the street. I tell him this but he says he doesn't have to live with strangers he has to live with me. And if he did live with them he'd treat them the same way. I have no intention of leaving him but feel this is only going to get worse before it gets better because I am not going to back down on this until he starts to shape up and at least apologize when he behaves like this just as he expects apologies from me when he thinks I'm nagging or complaining.

OK sorry for the vent. I'm headed home now. will get back on around 10pm.

I CANNOT get Protein shakes down any more. I don't have limitless funds to continue purchasing them...and I've tried at least 10 different brands....

So...I'm on to the next thing... anything low cal that people eat or drink to get that Protein in??? I'm able to get about 60-70g a day with just food..but my nutrionist wanted 80-100g...

I wish I could just drink them...it would be way easier!

Rain

- Other people have mentioned it but Cottage cheese is a great source of high protein with very low carbs. Better than Tofu in my opinion. You can mix it in a blender until smooth and add it to many things. You can substitute it for Sour Cream in things like Refried Beans as already mentioned or to make a chip dip. You can also use it in place of milk and stir it into things like Tomato Soup. Or my favorite is to make sugar free pudding by replacing the 2 cups milk it calls for with 1-1/2 cups blended cottage cheese with 1/2 cup skim milk (or Water to reduce calories) I know it sounds wierd but it really tastes good. It reminds me of pudding made with whole milk.

- Above I mentioned chip dip. I know we should be avoiding carb heavy chips but you can make chip-like high protein snack by taking Hormel's Turkey Pepperoni slices and putting them in the Microwave on some paper towels for 1-2 minutes. They are very good, salty but good and virtually no carbs.

So much for doing fine. I was going to try to not watch my carbs as strictly over the weekend and just eat "sensibly". Which started off alright. I even had what I thought was the most fantastic NSV of my life when on Friday my husband announced I no longer needed to lose any weight. I was flabbergasted to say the least! It was the first time since I ever knew him that he didn't think I needed to diet, and only the second person (besides my mother that is) to have ever told me that. And that was over 20 years ago!

You would think I'd be over the moon, and I was all that night. I kept thinking how happy his comments had made me and how much weight seemed to be lifted off my shoulders to know that from now on any weight I continued to lose was truly being lost just for me and not for him or anyone else. But ofcourse it didn't last. The very next day he was all over my case about something I was eating that he thought I shouldn't be able to eat with the band saying he thought it showed I needed another fill. And to make matters worse he added that it disturbed him that I had "read so much" into his one innocent comment about my not needing to lose any more weight. It made me feel like he was having second thoughts about having ever said it. I don't know if it was because he was afraid I would take it as an excuse to stop watching what I ate and start gaining again or if he hadn't really meant it when he said it but I don't think he could have said anything more hurtful to me after having made me so happy.

Then just to fullfill the prophecy I had to turn around and eat 2 slices of cherry pie that he bought at the grocery store, a king size candy bar and a snickers ice cream bar to boot. And if I get a chance I'm still of the mood to go out and get a chocolate frozen custard with chocolate chip cookie dough mixed in. All behind his back ofcourse and now I've gained half of what I lost back and am so disappointed in myself.

Why do I let him get to me like this?

Hi Alex,

Congratulations on this wonderful site.

I think it would be great if we had our own personal weight logs on here.

I was a member of a UK weight loss surgery site and here's the link to my log there : WLSInfo Forums

You set up the weight log by entering your starting weight and height and the programme works out your BMI and weight loss total with every entry and also the percentage of your excess weight lost.

There was also the option of making them public so every member can view it or keeping it private, for personal use only.

I found it invaluable and it kept me motivated as I could see where I started and how far I'd come.

Just an idea.

Yvonne

x

That's not a bad idea, however there is already a site called TickerFactory.com that does this and it can be easily linked to LBT so that any updates you make to it are automatically reflected in your signature line (that is if you choose to make it public by putting it there)

The one I have in my signature line right now is only reflecting a mini goal I am striving for but I also have one for my long term goal that I've just temporarily removed from public view.

At 19, I weighed 132 (ht. 5'5") and was nice and firm--and I wore size 11/12 jeans!!!! Wide hips and big butt thanks to genetics. My daughter at 5'2" and around 145 wears a size 8--10. Go figure. Mysurgeon has never discussed a goal weight with me, so I picked what I weighed when I was married and figured I'd adjust it, depending on how I feel and look.

After 4 kids, including a set of twins, who knows what will end up where?

Carol

You know you really can't judge by sizes. Even today sizes will vary drastically from store to store, not to mention year to year.

I have been dieting since I was 8 years old. The lowest weight I ever reached was in college. Though, I have no recollection what it was. What I do remember sadly is that even then I still thought of myself as overweight with only one person besides my mother ever telling me I was wrong to want to lose more weight. And that was a boyfriend from overseas so I figured he either was saying it to score points or the standards in his country weren't the same. Either way I didn't believe him or my mother.

Well even though I don't know what I weighed then I do still have an outfit that I fit into for a brief time back then. Some 1980's Stonewashed mini-dress with lots of zippers and a Janet Jackson styled military look to it. I have this dream someday of knowing I finally made it back down to my college weight by being able to fit into it again. My husband has been trying to get me to throw it out for years and wants me to burn it once I finally squeeze into it.

Why am I mentioning this? Well, currently I've made it down to a size 10 (or a really tight 8) and I'm still no where near fitting into it even though it is labeled as a size 11. I've wanted to take it to a store just to hold it up to some levi's and see if I couldn't figure out what size it would be. I haven't done that but I did manage to compare it to a friends size 6 jeans and they were still a good 4 inches smaller. It makes me think they may have been closer to a size 2!

It just makes me sick to think that I was still beating myself up back then for being fat. I wonder sometimes how different my life would have been if I could have only been happy with my size back then.

Sorry - I didn't mean to sound like I though you were being overly critical. I was in DT's over not being able to get to the new post link till I found that address in my history log.

I'm glad its back up and running.