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This was written for FB on the night before my surgery:
I'm sitting here in bed, numb and crying silent tears of realization.
Tomorrow is the day that I get what I've been working towards for the last two years. Tomorrow is the start of a whole new life for me. Tomorrow is the first day, the first step, in a new journey to true happiness, satisfaction, contentment, self-esteem, and pure self-love.
I have no idea what the future will hold for me now. I will soon be able to be a productive member of society. I'll be able to take care of myself. I'll be able to do my own shopping. I will be able to sit long enough to sew clothes again. I will be able to cook for my loving fiance. I'll be able to start baking again. I will go to the theater and concerts.
But I will also be able to do things that so many people take for granted. I will be able to walk places without having to stop to catch my breath. I will be able to walk down my hallway with my hands at my side without turning sideways. I will be able to sit in any chair that is offered to me without wondering if I will break it. I will be able to walk up stairs. I will be able to shower. I will be able to use any restroom without wondering if there is a handicap stall available. I will be able to fit into a car. I will be able to get clothes off the rack without paying an extra $40 for a few more inches of cloth. I will be able to comfortably fly, take a train or bus, and ride rollercoasters. I will go into a store and not wonder if I can fit into their aisles without knocking things over.
And yes, more private things will become better too. I'll become more flexible and agile, and I'll be able to see parts of my body that I have not seen (without the aid of mirrors or photos) in close to a decade if not longer.
There is so much emotion coursing through me right now. I'm elated, scared, excited, eager, unsure, and incredulous. Why does nobody ever talk about THESE things?
We will be taking measurements and photos today while I do my last 50 pushups. These will probably be the last photos you see of me for about a month. Okay, I'll probably let Eric take a few pictures and maybe a video of me when I'm in my hospital room recovering. MAYBE he will get me while I'm still coming out of anesthesia or when I'm delirious with my pain meds.....who knows?