JayinMA

I can't make it tonight, I have to work at a concert at the garden, I should be able to do the 12th... it's the day before my birthday you should all come to that one and we can all pb some cake.

Damn i was going to ask you to remind me. Do we know what the date is? I'm not going to go for a fill until after my vacation in September. It's probably been about a year since I've had an appointment, and I'm going to have to beg for forgiveness. I already have my lie picked out.

crap i missed the meeting again this month! I've had a weird couple of weeks and have been out of it. Paige, how did your appointment go? How was the meeting? Anyone going in August?

how was the response?

Wow, that sounds awful and I'm surprised I missed the harrowing tale. i myself need a fill but don't want to go see Dr. R because last time i went he lectured me about gaining weight. Oh well.

I'm confused about what surgery you're having. i thought you already had your foot surgery. Mel, definitely!

Hey Mel! I've been having a tough time as well. If you're going to a meeting let me know the date/time and I will try to be there as well! would be good to see you all again!

Hey everyone, When did this site change? I know I haven't been here in a while.

I won't be there on monday, I have other plans. Have fun everyone!

I hope surgery went well today for those who had it! I'm doing alright, had my super scary meeting with Dr. R. and Phyllis. Phyllis was great, Dr. R. was a little stern and the person who weighs you was a little rude. But I have my fill and every few days get that piece of food that moves slowly through the band (only brought up food once since the fill) that reminds you "Hey... slow down fatty.." yes my band and I talk and he's not always kind to me, but i'm not always kind to him. It works for us. or it will soon. Haven't weighed myself since the appointment because I'm making small victories: getting all my Water in each day, eating less, and going to the gym when I can and not talking myself out of it. I don't want to be on the scale because I don't want lack of scale movement to demotivate me. Going back to seeing Dr. R. in a month so i'll weigh in then or the next faulkner meeting. Anyone know when that faulkner meeting is? 14th Maybe?

Its in suite 4420... I think that's the numbers

I'm doing ok, i'm ready to get back on plan and start going to the gym and making small changes slowly. But.... I have this cold that is slowly going away just not as quickly as I'd like, that makes me cough every few minutes so the one time I tried to go to the gym with it, I coughed a ton and couldn't really do anything, so I'm on the bench until it dissipates enough for me to go back. Until then I'm focusing on trying to make sure I get all my water in and enough protein. I dropped a good deal of my summer classes so i can focus on getting everything in gear, hopefully it will pay off.

I didn’t post this earlier because this board was a place for hope and optimism and I didn’t want my failures to bring the hopes down. Currently I find myself spiraling out of control and just waiting for the happy release when I hit the ground. I started this band process in October of 2008, today, I’m down 3lbs since then. That hurts, and what hurts more is that it’s not the band, it’s me. I eat the wrong things because they’re convenient and because they’re there. I don’t live alone, so there are things in my house that are easy to eat that are wrong and I know they’re wrong but I do it anyways, and then I hate myself for it. And I don’t know why I can’t stop doing that. I don’t want to admit these things at a group meeting because… what the fuck? How is that even possible? What kind of person knowing makes the wrong choice and gets depressed over it, only to repeat the cycle hours later? That’s psychotic and that’s what I find myself doing. It’s painful and stressful to sit and think horrible things about yourself after every meal. And I know, before you say it, I know that I should just make the right choice, but even I don’t know why I don’t. Please believe that if it were just that simple I would already have done it. I’m exhausted all the time. I have one full time job where I have to work as hard as possible every minute to prove myself as there seems to be some kind of stigma against younger workers that they’re lazy and ineffective. I have two part time jobs so I can help out my parents, who aren’t doing so great right now. I take three classes so I can finish my undergrad degree, and I’m exhausted. I’m also exhausted from being disappointed in myself when food comes. I’m not giving up, and I want to win this fight, but I’m so exhausted that I don’t know when I can. I find it complete bullshit that alcoholics and people addicted to drugs get sympathy and drug programs and get to take leave of absences from their jobs to work out their problems, but they can avoid liquor when they’re done and they can have prescriptions that keep them from detoxing, but overweight people face food everyday multiple times a day and the support is…. Only from other people fighting alongside you. We all have the people in our office who put candy on their desk or encourage us to make bad choices, and ultimately those choices are our own to make, but could you imagine finding out a coworker was an alcoholic trying to remain sober and you put out a little bowl of nips? Maybe the parallels are only in my head. I have meetings schedule with Dr. R. and Phyllis and they frighten me because this struggle with weight is the one thing I’m not completely honest about. I want to pretend that I have it all under control and that it’s not controlling me. I need to control everything and this is the one thing I can’t and it makes me feel powerless and at its mercy. Beating this will be my greatest victory and sense of control, knowing that If I get it under control, I can handle anything, but until then it’s my biggest fear and insecurity. When we line up on the battlefield, I have my brain and my band, and the opposing side has found a way to neutralize my brain and the band just isn’t designed to win on its own. Until I can fix that, I will lose, and hate every minute of it. I’m sorry this was so long.

i'm sorry to hear so many are having some tough times. I just made a breakthrough! I have finally kept my calories to under 1500 while getting all my protein. So I'm pumped about that. Now I need to distribute it more evenly. I have my CIB in the morning and then don't have a good dose of protein again until dinner. i need to find a lunch thing not too high in calories that adds protein. Almost there!

when i woke up i didn't have them anymore... until i brushed my teeth, and now i have had them again for another 4 hours.

Has anyone had this happen to them? Today at lunch... I wasn't stuck, but I had an odd bubble thing, lasted just a few seconds, felt something not go down quite right, a loud burp and everything seemed fine. But i've had hiccups since then, which would make it about 10 hours now. I don't know if this is a band thing or just an annoying body thing.

I have harvard pilgrim and was approved with in 24 hours. I didn't get notification from anyone, i just asked one day if it had been approved and Jennifer told me it had been.

Looking forward to seeing everyone tonight!

I'm going to go to the faulkner meeting this month, it will be the last one I will be able to make until may probably, at the faulkner at least. I have a class starting soon on mondays from 3 to 5:50 so I may have to start going to the B+w meetings starting in feb, or I may just not go, we'll see. but i will be there the 11th.

what are the dates for the meetings?

I look scrubby, apologies in advance. it poured this morning and my hair just hasn't been the same since

6 o'clock right? well even if it's not that's probably when I'll be there

I'll be there tonight!

Hey everyone, i'm planning to be at the monday faulkner meeting... hope to see you guys there!

a good ab exercise is to clench your stomach muscles and release and repeat when you beat the crap out of anyone who talks to you like that. :smile: