lellow

Runny nose here too. I just realised I haven't had one in months. Plus I've been about to burp again, something I haven't been able to do for about 2 years. My band's been loose so maybe it's time to see my dr again, just to check in.

Struggling with infertility is difficult. I know it is. Having to have sex at certain times of the month, sex becoming all about trying to have a child, your self esteem takes a beating. Add to that now that your husband is trying (rightly) to get into the mindset he NEEDS to not only get this surgery but follow through with what needs to be done, I can see why you're struggling with feelings of self-worth. I know, because I was there just 6 years ago. I tried to have a baby for 5 years with my ex-husband. Infertility is one of the most stressful, difficult things I have ever faced. My ex-husband was a personal trainer, and took great pains with his appearance, and I was the heavy one. When we were trying to conceive, every time he mentioned my weight as a possible reason for us not having a child, it felt like a stab to my heart. But let's face facts. Being overweight hurts your chances of conceiving. That's the truth. He needs to be able to say that to you without you taking it as a personal attack. Be objective. Infertility is a painful subject, and there seems like there is so much blame that gets flung around. But put that aside for now, and think about what YOU need to do to increase your chances of conceiving, and not only that, but being there for your child, running and playing with your child, being healthy enough for your child for years to come. I know it's hard to not get hurt, but it doesn't mean you don't rise above it. I wish I had. Your husband has a big event ahead of him. He should be concentrating on doing this, and doing this right. Don't begrudge him that. He needs your support and in turn, I would hope he supports you too. And just as a note: my ex is now my ex because, very generally speaking, infertility was something that left an indelible mark on us we could not overcome. The story is long and complicated but there are things I wish I'd done differently, despite the fact that I am glad now that we split. But if you love your husband and he loves you, then work at it.

Actually scars show up on Asian skin far more clearly than on caucasian skin. Darker skinned asians (like me!) tend to develop pigmentation against the scars so they don't fade to pale pink. Even so, no one's ever been turned off by my scars. And mine go all the way round my hips, and up my stomache to under my breasts. I was actually single for about a year in 2010, and I have to admit that I too wasn't looking for a long term commitment back then, just having come out of a 9 year marriage. It's actually easier when it's all pretty casual and you're just there to have fun without putting too much stock into what they think (does that sounds horrible? lol). I just enjoyed the attention and then moved on. And like I said, no one cared or noticed. Even though mine are pretty obvious.

Well there you go, hopefully he will have some ideas for you then. I personally don't get the whole 'low carb' thing because I ate carbs every day, but he's the one you'll be working with, so I imagine his is the advice you should be taking. Good luck!

I think as long as you are prepared to have a balance of Protein, carbs and veg, you'll be fine with the lapband. You don't need meat substitutes (my partner doesn't) but if you try to cut carbs, for instance, from your diet, you'll probably find that there will be a very limited range of foods you'll have available to you post-band. I would be weary if anyone suggested to you that you should cut carbs from your diet. I did not do a low carb diet, but I do know that my partenr tends to eat quite a lot of carbs as part of his diet to supplement the vegetables he eats, to obtain 'fullness'. He eats rice and potatoes mainly, and sometimes in quantities that mean he struggles to maintain a healthy weight. So if the band helps you with portion control in that respect, I actually think you'll probably do fine with it.

My partner is vegetarian but was vegan for many years, so tends to lean towards vegan food a lot of the time. He often cooks for me, and I find that there are many choices that are band friendly. When he cooks for me, he tends to cook the vegetables a little longer, and the pieces smaller, so I'm not fighting with the fact that some are more fibrous and more difficult to eat. We also eat a lot of tofu, which is his main source of Protein. There are so many kinds of tofu these says it's a little hard to feel like you're missing out! Stick to your guns though with your nutritionist. Go in being confident that you can do this with your diet.

It's true, your head catches up eventually. It takes a while but it does get there. I think the mirror is pretty honest these days to me, but it wasn't long ago that I felt that, even at a US size 4, I was still wayyyy too heavy. My friends thought I had body dysmorphia, and I probably did to an extent, but because the weight loss happened relatively fast, and I'd been heavy for so long, it took a while for my brain to catch up that I was there, I was past goal, I could stop losing now. In fact, I eventually made the (difficult) decision to gain a little, because a size 4 was actually very small, and I was getting to the point where I couldn't shop in mainstream shops because the smallest size there was too big for me. That's not to say that on days like today, where my US size 6 pants are a little snug, that I don't feel like I'm HUGE, coz I do, so reading this thread has put things back into perspective for me too. I realise that we are really our own worse critics, and sometimes we have to stop and pat ourselves on the back for what we've managed to achieve. Here's to you looking in the mirror tomorrow and seeing the real you.

Oh and just on the subject of scars. No guy I've ever been with has ever been turned off by my scars, even my big body lift ones. In fact, I asked one guy I saw for a while what he thought of my scars after we'd slept together for the first time, said he said 'what scars?'. I said. 'The BIG ASS scars right around my lower torso?!' And he said, 'Oh. Oh those. Ok, I seriously didn't notice. I had more interesting things to look at....'

It was different for me, because I tell everyone about my WLS, so I told most of the men I was dating pretty quickly. It usually came up if we were out for dinner and I was trying choose a band-friendly meal. It was usually casual, and I'd say something like 'oh I have to be a little careful about what I eat, because I lost quite a lot of weight after I had lapband surgery, and the band can be finicky sometimes.' I figured I'd rather get it out of the way early so it didn't look like I was hiding anything should it progress further. Most guys thought it was amazing that I'd achieved something quite so significant as losing almost half my body weight. And if they asked why, I told them the truth - I needed to lose weight, so I did something about it. They didn't, and would never have known me as I was when I was heavier, so that was never the issue. Most of the people I know NOW didn't ever know me as a heavier person, and they keep telling me that they can't even imagine it, and find it hard to believe even when they see photos. People tend to live in the 'now'. That's their only reality. Most guys moved on from the topic after that. My partner though, wanted to know everything pretty early on, and wanted to know what I could eat, about stuck episodes, the whole kit and kaboodle. I guess I should have known he wanted something more serious even back then!

Oh and here's a hint, buy or get the dress made as close to the wedding day as possible! I sometimes lost a dress size in 2 weeks when I was losing!

I was my sister's bridesmaid just this past Friday actually! She chose a pale green dress (I said right at the beginning, any colour is fine, just not green!) and it was baggy on the top. Lucky for me though, the boobs took up most of the slack so it ended up being quite fitted on top after all! She told me she didn't want me outshining her on her wedding day, which I took as a compliment I was just ecstatic that I look decent in the photos!

Sure it's realistic! There are banders on here who never needed to remove excess skin. But I have 11 years between my 3rd and 4th child, and in all that time, my tummy never 'bounced back' from the slack it developed from pregnancy. I had an overhang over my mons even when I was over 100kgs. Even when I was pregnant again. I had this massive pregnant belly, and excess skin hanging under it. So I knew when I lost the weight, that part was never going to suddenly 'disappear'. My upper tummy was also mangled, with my muscles lumpy and knotted, and separated in some parts, apparently. My body lift was considered 'reconstructive' as a result, as I had obvious 'abnormal structures', according to my dr. My BA was from the weight loss though. I lost all volume in my breasts and after having E cups all my adult life, I hated how they looked. So that was vanity, I'll be the first to admit it!

My patient data's disappeared twice since I started visiting again a week ago, and I can't be bothered fixing it again. But aside from that I've been here for a fair few iteratons of this site, and for the most part, they all sucked in parts of it, and was awesome in others. But overall, the information and support I got here was invaluable, so I kept coming back. I learnt more from some of the members here about my band than all the books and all the other sites mixed together. And Alex, suuuuuureee you're real!

My Dr wanted me to have this surgery about 18 months before I actually got to the point where I was ready to have it. Like you, I felt like I should be able to do it on my own, but in the past, I'd lose some, then gain again. I felt like a failure at life, because if I couldn't control my weight, then how weak was I? But the truth is, I eat less than my 5yo now in order to be at a BMI that is considered 'normal'. I am not sure how I was supposed to do that without a lapband. Especially since, unlike other addicts, I have to use what I'm addicted to 3 times a day, and apparently have the 'will power' to stop eating after just a few mouthfuls. Or to not eat again when just a tiny bit of food results me in being ravenously hungry an hour later. C'mon now, under any court of law, that would be cruel and unusual punishment! The good thing about the band, is if you've successfully lost weight before, you'll probably do wonderfully while you're in 'bandster hell' (the time between surgery and getting enough fill to keep you satisfied on very little food). Because the truth is, I lost most of my weight before getting to my sweet spot. But what the band does now, is helps me keep it off. I know it's scary, but it does work for a lot of people. I am one of those people. I got to goal then wandered off to live my life for nearly a year, not really posting or checking into this site, and I suspect that's what a lot of people do when their band works. But when you have problems with you band, what do you do? You check the net, you post, you ask for help. That's the mainstay of this site. I don't think you necessarily need to consider all the issues you read about here to be a representative sample of all lapbanders. Anyway just my 2c.

I didn't cut carbs out. I didn't cut anything out. If I couldn't eat bread, I ate Pasta. Or noodles. I ate some carbs almost everyday. But I did try to have a balanced diet of all food groups. I tried to not eat too much high calorie, high fat or high sugar foods, but I did occasionally eat all of those things even while losing. I did not feel deprived. The link to my 'mindset' is in my signature, if you're interested in the way I lost weight. I don't feel like I dieted. I feel like I use restraint. Restraint, not deprivation. And I exercised. Read my 'story' if you're interested, and take or leave any or all of it. But you can lose weight on a diet that doesn't cut any one thing out.

I can only share my experience coz lots of people get stuck just once and they learn how not to do it again, but I got stuck quite a lot as I approached restriction. But with each episode, I learnt a little more about what I had to do to not have it happen. Having said that I got stuck a couple of nights ago after not being stuck for over 1/2 a year because my band felt tight and I ate rice that wasn't properly cooked, and I ate it fast because I was talking to someone and not paying attention. Because I hadn't been stuck in ages, I just assumed I'd be ok. But I obviously wasn't! So if you make mistakes like that, it can happen.

At my tightest, I couldn't eat bread and rice, but could eat Pasta and noodles. I couldn't eat steak or lamb or prawns but I could eat fish and chicken and crayfish. I could eat soft cooked veggies but struggled with raw veggies, even salads. I could eat a pear but I couldn't eat a mango. It's such a personal thing. If you read the website and take everything everyone says as gospel you're going to think there isn't a thing you'll be able to eat. But that's just not true. There will likely be some things you might not be able to tolerate when your band is properly filled, but it shouldn't be most things. And in the years since my 'losing' phase, my band has loosened and there are very few things I can't tolerate these days. Mango comes to mind as one thing that I still struggle with, but I still eat it, but just a little bit, so I can get the taste but not enough that it causes discomfort.

oh I agree Heather. But I suppose what I was trying to say is that I didn't take it to mean that that's all I would lose, or that was all I should expect to lose. That vivid events like band faliure will skew the average, just as vivid events like losing more than 100% of your excess weight will as well.

NYY, I am one of my dr's 'most filled' patients, as I have 8.25cc in a 10cc band. He was reluctant to keep filling me because most people find their sweet spot long before the amount of fill I have, but hey, we're not all the same and I needed more in the band. I knew I did. Your band is not even 60% full, so it's not like you're really 'up there' with the fill amount you have in your band! I think if you're eating quite a lot and getting hungry fast, you sound like you need a fill. ETA: and even with 8.25cc in my band, I can eat like a regular 'small' eater most days, and certainly enough that most people don't even comment anymore on how little I eat.

Actually 60%, I believe, and correct me if I'm wrong, includes those whose band failed, and therefore lost no weight at all. Or the ones who never came back for after care, may have continued to lose weight, but whose weights were not recorded. And the ones who never came back for aftercare, gained all their weight back but whose weights were not recorded. I never intended to lose just 60% of my excess weight. It is not my Dr's philosophy either. He expected me to lose 100% of it, as long as I worked with my band, exercised and continued my after care. And I ended up losing 130% of it.