Darkerthanblack1964

June 9th 2021 was my surgery date. My fiancé and my family were so elated. “You finally get to start you life again”, they said. I was ready to bloody do this! Surgery was supposed to start at 11am and then got pushed back severely due to an emergency the surgeon had to deal with. My surgery didn’t commence until 9:30pm that day. I...was still ready but everyone was anxious and worried the surgeon would be exhausted and what not. Well not 30 minutes after, the surgery was aborted leaving me with six incisions and a pool of tears and anguish. My liver was too big to navigate the surgeon says. I did the pre-op diet. I DID it!!! What f**king gives? Now I did all this for nothing! He tells me lose 20-30 pounds then come back. Oh, it’s that easy, huh? I gotta lose more goddamn weight. Do you know how hard it was to lose the necessary amount to even get this f**king far? In the heat of the moment it just felt insincere of this guy to say such things and just leave me in my pool of tears saying “it was hard for me too”. Haha I don’t doubt that after doing another surgery right after this one for 12 hours straight but it is t about you. This was supposed to be it. Now look at me. 6 incisions, one bleeding out, 6 new ugly scars and nothing to show for any of it but more starvation. More misery. More depressed and sadness. How am I to recover from all this? I don’t want to quit but I’m so tired. I don’t want to do this anymore. I mean no blood tests indicated a fatty liver at all. No abdominal scan was done to indicate that as well. Mom wants me to sue. My finances mom wants me to talk to a malpractice lawyer. I just hate everyone and everything. I’m filled with so much shame. To be honest I know he may have made the right decision but I still hate him for how unsincere it all felt. I am so distraught and I cannot stop crying. I may not have another chance at this for awhile. So much was riding on this. So f**king much. I waited so so long for this second chance.

It hurts. So much. But I tried again and I did it. I don’t know if I’m happy or not. The pain makes me think man things but I did it. I hope all the pain and suffering is worth it. I hope I can do right by me. There is not turning back.

Clear liquids, broth and the like, correct? I felt like the nurse wasn’t clear enough

Ok, thank you. What else can I do that to make the pain subside and the gas pains go away? So far I’ve use heating pads, I’ve been just as hot tea, I use Gas-X, I use the stairs and I walk a lot. What else can I do I even do stretches

Thank you all for your feedback, concern, and well wishes from my previous post. I have since spoke to the surgeon again on June 16th and he has determined that we will try again. July 29th is the new due date. He recommended I lose 10-15 pounds more, giving me 6 or 7 more weeks to lose it until the new date. I will admit to myself that I am not sure if this is a good idea anymore. I am ashamed at what I allowed to happen on this journey and my behavior to the doctor and staff the day of surgery and the aftermath. I saw everyone as the enemy. I didn’t look forward to anything anymore and I hated everyone and everything. But I know who’s fault it really is. I knew even the day of surgery that it wasn’t his fault. He just had bad bedside manner and I wanted him to slip in a puddle of piss and die. This guy doesn’t know how to be reassuring or sound empathetic at all. But he wants to try agin with me. When I saw him on the 16th of June, I’ve since calmed down enough to speak to him and so has he. It was a more pleasant experience. He wants to increase the amount of receptors or whatever as well as the robot for the surgery. i don’t know if this is a good idea. At all. I am still going to do the liquid diet for 6-7 weeks in anticipation of the surgery but I’m not looking forward to it as much anymore. I should stop being a baby, I know, but y’all I had a lot riding on this. I shouldn’t have but I did. My fiancé and I as well as family did. It is part of the reason I didn’t want to tell anyone because of the shame and disappointment. I was a fool for thinking what I did so far was enough. I was a fool for making this seem like the be all end all of things. It isn’t and I will think of a plan B this time.

June 9th 2021 was my surgery date. My fiancé and my family were so elated. “You finally get to start you life again”, they said. I was ready to bloody do this! Surgery was supposed to start at 11am and then got pushed back severely due to an emergency the surgeon had to deal with. My surgery didn’t commence until 9:30pm that day. I...was still ready but everyone was anxious and worried the surgeon would be exhausted and what not. Well not 30 minutes after, the surgery was aborted leaving me with six incisions and a pool of tears and anguish. My liver was too big to navigate the surgeon says. I did the pre-op diet. I DID it!!! What f**king gives? Now I did all this for nothing! He tells me lose 20-30 pounds then come back. Oh, it’s that easy, huh? I gotta lose more goddamn weight. Do you know how hard it was to lose the necessary amount to even get this f**king far? In the heat of the moment it just felt insincere of this guy to say such things and just leave me in my pool of tears saying “it was hard for me too”. Haha I don’t doubt that after doing another surgery right after this one for 12 hours straight but it is t about you. This was supposed to be it. Now look at me. 6 incisions, one bleeding out, 6 new ugly scars and nothing to show for any of it but more starvation. More misery. More depressed and sadness. How am I to recover from all this? I don’t want to quit but I’m so tired. I don’t want to do this anymore. I mean no blood tests indicated a fatty liver at all. No abdominal scan was done to indicate that as well. Mom wants me to sue. My finances mom wants me to talk to a malpractice lawyer. I just hate everyone and everything. I’m filled with so much shame. To be honest I know he may have made the right decision but I still hate him for how unsincere it all felt. I am so distraught and I cannot stop crying. I may not have another chance at this for awhile. So much was riding on this. So f**king much. I waited so so long for this second chance.

Thank you all for your feedback, concern, well wishes. I have since spoke to the surgeon again on June 16th and he has determined that we will try again. July 29th is the new due date. He recommended I lose 10-15 pounds more, giving me 6 or 7 more weeks to lose it until the new date. I will admit to myself that I am not sure if this is a good idea anymore. I am ashamed at what I allowed to happen on this journey and my behavior to the doctor and staff the day of surgery and the aftermath. I saw everyone as the enemy. I didn’t look forward to anything anymore and I hated everyone and everything. But I know who’s fault it really is. I knew even the day of surgery that it wasn’t his fault. He just had bad bedside manner and I wanted him to slip in a puddle of piss and die. This guy doesn’t know how to be reassuring or sound empathetic at all. But he wants to try agin with me. When I saw him on the 16th of June, I’ve since calmed down enough to speak to him and so has he. It was a more pleasant experience. He wants to increase the amount of receptors or whatever as well as the robot for the surgery. i don’t know if this is a good idea. At all. I am still going to do the liquid diet for 6-7 weeks in anticipation of the surgery but I’m not looking forward to it as much anymore. I should stop being a baby, I know, but y’all I had a lot riding on this. I shouldn’t have but I did. My fiancé and I as well as family did. It is part of the reason I didn’t want to tell anyone because of the shame and disappointment. I was a fool for thinking what I did so far was enough. I was a fool for making this seem like the be all end all of things. It isn’t and I will think of a plan B this time.

Thank you all for your feedback, concern, well wishes. I have since spoke to the surgeon again on June 16th and he has determined that we will try again. July 29th is the new due date. He recommended I lose 10-15 pounds more, giving me 6 or 7 more weeks to lose it until the new date. I will admit to myself that I am not sure if this is a good idea anymore. I am ashamed at what I allowed to happen on this journey and my behavior to the doctor and staff the day of surgery and the aftermath. I saw everyone as the enemy. I didn’t look forward to anything anymore and I hated everyone and everything. But I know who’s fault it really is. I knew even the day of surgery that it wasn’t his fault. He just had bad bedside manner and I wanted him to slip in a puddle of piss and die. This guy doesn’t know how to be reassuring or sound empathetic at all. But he wants to try agin with me. When I saw him on the 16th of June, I’ve since calmed down enough to speak to him and so has he. It was a more pleasant experience. He wants to increase the amount of receptors or whatever as well as the robot for the surgery. i don’t know if this is a good idea. At all. I am still going to do the liquid diet for 6-7 weeks in anticipation of the surgery but I’m not looking forward to it as much anymore. I should stop being a baby, I know, but y’all I had a lot riding on this. I shouldn’t have but I did. My fiancé and I as well as family did. It is part of the reason I didn’t want to tell anyone because of the shame and disappointment. I was a fool for thinking what I did so far was enough. I was a fool for making this seem like the be all end all of things. It isn’t and I will think of a plan B this time.

Thanks for all your support.

Does your spouse know of your curiosity?

Wait you can develop gallstones? Because of weight loss surgery?