Hey,
What a great thread! I've always tried to avoid this question and whenever my weight got really out of control I've hidden away wearing only black clothing and not seeing my friends & family. I thought while I was like this I'd rather stop existing because I always felt that this was not the real Me.
So why am I fat? (First time I've ever called myself that)
I was a little bigger than the other kids in primary school when I grew up. Not much bigger at all, looking back now I think I was totally normal and would have grown out of it but it was enough for some stupid kids at school to invent names and bully me for 4 years. I don't think I ever got over that. My mum tried to help by telling me not to eat this or that but I think that just started my life of yoyo dieting.
When I went to a different school in grade 5 I was so scared that the bullying would continue. It didn't but I was always worried about my weight even at times when I was what I would now call skinny. In my mind I was always fat and wore clothes to cover up. It took me until I was about 18 to get some self esteem and it helped that I always had quite a few guys interested in me so slowly I started to believe that I was actually quite attractive.
But my life of yoyo dieting had been set in motion and I didn't know how to stop it. I lost my first 20lbs when I was about 14. At 21 I moved to Australia, away from any family and the uni and party lifestyle didn't help to keep the weight down. For the first time it got really out of control (240lbs) and I had 2-3 miserable years. Then I lost 72lbs before my wedding in 2004 and felt great and promised myself never to let things get that bad again. For one year I was myself again but after having 2 miscarriages, my parents divorce and loss of the entire family fortune after a bad investment and my father's thankfully failed suicide attempt (all in one year) I started to gain bit by bit back.
At the end of 2005 we tried again for a baby and things went well this time but I went by what everyone seems to say that during pregnancy you can let go and eat what you want. I did and gained 120lbs in 38 weeks. A lot of it was Water but after the birth I was still left with a huge amount to lose.
So since 2006 I've tried to become Me again losing about 110lbs in 21 months and then finally getting lap band surgery last month to never regain the weight that I've lost.
Now I've had 2 weeks on Optifast and 1 week after surgery and I'm down to 209lbs. I can't wait to get down to 167lbs and finally Celebrate being me again.