SunnyinSC

So, I haven't had my surgery yet, and don't have any personal experience to really add to that end of the discussion, but it does sound like you're freaking yourself out a bit. Anxiety is to be expected, I think, with any massive life change. From what I've read in these forums, and seen in the videos I watched of people who have undergone the surgery, the main culprit for splits tends to be the partner not being supportive (for various reasons like insecurity, jealousy, control loss, ect.), or the relationship had underlying issues that were made worse/more apparent by the lifestyle changes and new found confidence. Based on what you've written, neither of those would apply to your relationship. You sound like you're doing as much as you can to support your wife, and that's honestly really amazing. Be more kind to yourself If you are finding that you really can't shake the anxiety, it may be beneficial to see a therapist too. I'm a huge advocate for therapy for basically all things mental health related. The surgery is definitely a big change, and a neutral third party who is trained in such things can help you navigate the feelings that come with it.

Hi there! I'm new here, but am super excited to have found an online forum to participate in while I go on this journey. I am (hopefully) going to be getting gastric bypass at MUSC in the coming months. I'll be self-pay (dang insurance exclusions) so slightly less hoops to jump through, but I have not yet met with the surgeon or anything. My initial consult is March 1st. I kind of wanted to share what my "breaking point" was that ultimately resulted in the call to schedule a consult, and maybe see if other people would share theirs in the hopes that I am not alone. Be warned that it may be TMI for some people, and is definitely not something I have shared with anyone in my social circle (they are not as big as me and would likely be not only disgusted, but not understand). A little background on me, I've basically been obese since right after high school, so around 17 years now. The range of how obese has varied but steadily climbed upwards until my heaviest of 273 (I'm 5'4"). I've done every diet under the sun, including some really really unhealthy ones (HCG anyone?). I've got high blood pressure, problems with my skin constantly being flushed, signs of pre-diabetes, aches and pains from minimal daily activities.. a lot of the same stuff I suspect a lot of people here have had too. You'd think that the health issues would have been enough, and you'd be mostly right. They were enough for me to look into weight loss surgery, but not enough alone for me to actually take the plunge. I kept putting that off. No, to finally make the call it took me having trouble wiping my own butt after pooping. Maybe it's cause I'm just not that flexible, but it sure felt like all the accumulated fat on my arms, side, butt, and back were getting in the way of actually reaching. That was my breaking point. Sitting on a toilet, straining to try and get myself clean and realizing I couldn't. Now, I did eventually manage with a quick shower of my lower half and some creative use of a towel to dry off/make sure there wasn't anything the water didn't get, but I still can't shake the feeling of being unclean every time I have to use the bathroom. Lord knows I am not asking my husband to come wipe poo from my butt. Am I alone in the struggle? What thing, or things, made you finally decide this was what you needed after you'd been maybe putting it off?

At no point did I attempt to discount your experience. As a reminder, this was your first paragraph. I am sorry, but if that's you talking about your own experience only, then I'll eat my shoe. You start off by saying "when you're losing weight, your body is not hungry", and go on to use "us" and "we" multiple times. There are no I statements there. No "this is my experience" in the entire paragraph. There is not any "most people", "some people", or any language that would indicate you're not referring to a collective group instead of a subset. The fact that you keep insisting you were not generalizing and that you were only referring to your own experiences, is insulting. I am well aware of the way the brain communicates with the stomach, and the hormones that get released. I also recognize that one of the triggers for hormone release is when your body is in need of energy, IE when it needs food. There are foods that can help you feel full longer, such as protein, but that doesn't prevent the initial hunger trigger when your body needs energy. Now everyone's bodies are different. I fully believe that maybe some people don't experience actual hunger anymore after surgery. I have not once said otherwise. But those people are not what this thread was ever about (unless they were pushing their experiences onto others). I also know that, scientifically speaking, the majority of people do need over 1000 calories to survive as a general rule. There are some exceptions, such as people trying to lose weight, but when eating so few calories it's strongly recommended to be medically supervised as it's well known that it can be dangerous to do. If you're an exception and you've discussed that with your doctor, then that's great. However, that is below most people's BMR. Stating that "we don't need 1000 calories to survive" is not only false, but can be very damaging to people who are at or below their goal weight who may not know better if they aren't medically supervised. No one here has claimed that head hunger doesn't happen. Quite the contrary, many of us have given multiple examples of our head hunger. The rant was about the seeming denial of actual hunger as a thing on these forums. What you have done, and continue to do, is akin to coming into a place where someone is stating they're tired of people not believing they have depression cause they don't experience xyz symptom, and then you stating that people with depression have xyz symptom and then stating you have depression and you experience xyz symptom. It not only is tone deaf, but completely dismisses the original person's experience and feelings. That being said, I won't engage with you further. You seem more hell bent on how your words are being perceived than actually contributing to the topic at hand. I was only really engaging to point out why your posts are not being well received, but you don't seem to care.

I'm fairly new here, but you did make a lot of definitive statements in your original posting. You claimed it's not about calories, but about energy. That 1000 calories a day aren't needed to survive. And that people don't feel actual hunger when they're eating at a calorie deficit (IE losing weight). You lead with the statement "...when you're losing weight, your body is not hungry." When you're posting in a thread about how people's actual hunger keeps getting dismissed as head hunger, even though it's perfectly normal to experience actual hunger after surgery; then it seems like you are applying your experience to everyone, even if that was not your intention. That ends up feeding into the very problem the initial rant was about.

I appreciate that! I've watched a lot of videos (hours and hours worth) but I think social media peoples may pretty up the effects to some extent. I am confident that I can at least get it under control versus it controlling me. Eating lunch when I should be and not overeating throughout the entire day would be nice, even if it isn't done perfectly. I think your mindset is great!

I definitely have that problem! I work from home and my hobbies are all pretty much out of the home as well. Bored eating is alive and well. I do notice I do it less when I really focus on getting my water in though. Am super hoping that with a combination of the surgery and behavioral therapy, I can kick the habit. 🤞

Part of my "head hunger" happens if I don't drink enough water/fluid. I'll feel hungry instead of thirsty. Bored hunger and emotional hunger I'd also put under there. Routine hunger I think is a thing for me too. Example being, when playing D&D I use to have Mt. Dew and ice cream every session. When I don't have anything I get hungry at that time, even if I ate not long before the session started. But I do definitely understand that when you're eating at a calorie deficit, which you need to do to lose weight, there will be some genuine hunger there as well. A large part of the pre-op (and I expect post op) process for me is learning to listen to my body and understand when I'm actually hungry versus a variety of other things. Growing up we were a "clean your plate" household, and I think that's really messed with some of my "I'm full now" cues, which doesn't help when you add all those pesky other things like bored and emotional eating in there too.

I'll be getting surgery through MUSC. One of the things that attracted me to them was that they had a whole program of behavioral psychologists and such to follow up with pre and post surgery. I am a ways off from surgery, but have been having trouble finding actual reviews of people's experiences there. Does anyone here have any experience there? What do/don't you like about their process? I did a search on the forums for MUSC and the only posts I was able to find were from mostly 2008-2012 or so. Dr Bryne seemed to have positive feedback, and he is still a surgeon there now (edit to add: that's actually who I have my consult with). Was just looking for more recent opinions on the process, or if it's improved. Thanks in advance!

Thank you all for sharing! It's so nice to feel like I'm not entirely alone, even if reasons are different. I don't know many people in my life who can really relate to being obese and the issues it can cause, so find it hard to address certain things (even the health issues) with anyone really. I have told a very select few that I really trust that I'm getting gastric bypass, and they're supportive, but also don't fully understand.