ingie54

Hi Amanda You know, sometimes with guys...if they don't know what to do to help, they just don't do anything - they say stupid things, will pull back and seem distant but that may not truly reflect what is going on inside his heart. I can't speak for your guy and your relationship cuz I don't know you two. But I do know my life. I've been married for 28 years and I love my husband ...not always liking him...would often want to punch his lights out...but time has taught me how to love him. More importantly, I've come to learn how he shows his love and care for me. When it comes to issues that are deep - despite my love for him - I communicate with my "gals". He is not a talker - he is uncomfortable when it comes to anything that might reveal his emotions. I gave birth to 3 babies and with all three...if there was someplace else where he would go, he would. When difficulties arose with the kids - illnesses, crisis's - where is Ed? Don't have a clue. Busy at work, golfing with friends - gads. Drove me absolutely nuts!! I hated that feeling of being alone. Over the years and with experiences faced along the way...what I learned was that my perception was wrong. He is a logical "systems" type of guy. If the issue was not printed out in a "user manual" somewhere...he froze! In order to be "in control" he detached. About 15 years ago I broke my ankle and was laid up for 8 weeks - couldn't walk on it. I remember the night it happened and he was in the hospital with me. When they put my IV in he almost fainted. I asked him what was wrong (later when we were alone) and he looked me dead in the face and said "It scares the "crap" out of me when something is wrong with you and I don't know what I can do to help you". WOW! That was more communication said in one sentence than was spoken in our entire married life! It blew me away! You said it in your note - he's stressed because you are an emotional wreck. Another thing I've learned over the years...as a wife and mom...I yield an awful lot of power over my family. If I'm a wreck and need to pull away ... my husband and kids seem to wander in states of confusion. When I'm doing fine - they are happy and content. That is scary to me but more often than not simply the way things are in relationships. No, he may not see or understand your investment - emotionally and mentally now - physically when you have the surgery...or maybe he does. Your "fellow sojourners" understand what this means and its good that you are allowing yourself to be transparent and have other outlets for support. Grow in Patience - Love is a Choice each and every day! Let him come to your surgery - let him learn how to take care of you. Communicate to him what you need. He obviously isn't catching on naturally ;o) Also observe how he loves you and receive that from him...when you begin to see how he brings love into your relationship...you'll be blessed! Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. Psalms 30:5

Your message is encouraging to me! I'm just starting my journey ... going through the pathway. I am 350 lbs and am looking forward to being exactly where you are right now. I would love it if the weight issue was gone tomorrow but then what experiences would I have gained to successfully maintain a lower weight? My sister had lapband surgery in January and is also an encouragement for me. Loosing slow - but steady. Couldn't ask for more than that!!

Greetings everyone! I wanted to have the lap band for years but financially it was just not possible! Low and behold about 3 months ago, I open my e-mail to find out that the military hospital I go to for medical care - and Tricare - now offers lap bands! :crying: They have been offering GB and GS for several years and the lap band is new for the system - but not the doctor that performs it. I am thrilled and willing to go the course - which includes waiting (elective surgery in a major military hospital that supports a large number of troops going back and forth to Afghanistan/ Iraq) It looks like I might be able to expect my surgery in October if all goes well. I will be required to loose 10-20 lbs and show that I am implementing what is taught through the pathway. I'm thinking the fact that 10-20 lbs is coming off me is a good indicator!!:ohmy: I'm going to need this support group and have appreciated reading your posts! As there are far more post GB and GS in the support groups - not as many lap band patients. So I'm looking forward to being involved with this online family. On my way to loosing half of me!! Ingie Oh, that I might have my request, that God might grant what I hope for.... Job 6:8:rolleyes2: