Stina537

I am 36 and going through the pre-operation approval phase. Everything has been delayed due to covid. But I am almost at the point of scheduling surgery. I have been diagnosed with moderate sleep apnea and just received my cpap machine. My husband doesn't support my decision because he feels I should have taken my weight issues more serious when I was younger or started dating him and just lose weight naturally. He is from a different culture and very rude about this. It hurts because he will say mean things, like he doesn't know why he married a fat woman and that doesn't help when this is a very emotional process. I am doing this for me and so that I can live a better life and be there for my daughter. When he saw the cpap machine he became so rude and disgusted by the fact that I have to use this machine. I don't care what he thinks or says because I will divorce him if this continues. But it hurts for him to be so mean when I am trying to do something to better myself.

I don't think he wants to keep me fat to "keep me down". I thibk he doesn't want to deal/ see a cpap machine or have to help me after surgery or go through all that. He just thinks if you eat less and workout then I should lose weight. He sees the surgery as an extra ordeal he will have to deal with. I would divorce now but there are other factors at play that I don't want to get into whether fat or skinny I stand up for myself. I will be seeking out a counselor for additional support.

My extended family is really supportive, which helps a lot.

I am seeking out my own counseling so I cope with the random spurts of assholeness. He is naturally slim and never knew what the struggle of someone who has been overweight their entire life. His culture is by default rude. For example his sister has lupus and is on medication that makes her swollen, when they talk he calls her fat and you hear his mom and brothers chiming in the same rude comment. I just ignore him but do not allow him to think it is okay here so he keeps his comments to himself most of the time...

Unfortunately, that is not an option. I am not giving up my home and he isn't from this country. All his family is abroad. He says his BS sparingly. I just need somewhere to vent my frustration...

He comes from a culture where saying mean things is the norm and wouldn't go to counseling because they see that as something negative. I have been assertive with him and he doesn't say anything to me about it anymore. But what has been said has been said.