The Greater Fool

All reasonable goals. Not unlike my goals all those years ago, just simple health and happiness. Most of what I write is for the wider world of readers. Previous responses covered the the numbers involved in the weight loss phase. I covered the numbers at the beginning and end of the process which are likewise flawed. Good luck always, Tek

Adding to the things that may not be accurate: BMI. BMI is an average that was reduced to a simple algorithm: BMI = weight (kg) / [height (m)]^2. In words: weight * (height * height). This calculation is intended to be a rough estimate to start with not the end all be all it has become. Such a calculation is closer to "correct" at the middle or average height and weight. Tall people skew to a lower BMI, short people skew to a higher BMI. The taller / shorter we are the more the BMI skews lower / higher. Body type also can skew higher or lower BMI. Not all of our bodies are built the same yet the BMI assumes they are. The more muscle we have the more the BMI doesn't work right. Body builders show the extreme of this effect. Arnold at his younger best would weigh in at a very high BMI. But us humans can build enough muscle to screw with our BMI. BMI is a rough starting place. Once you have the number, it doesn't really matter. How we feel, our health both physical and mental, how our eating and exercise are feeling. These are the real measures. Whew, done with BMI. But the post goes on. Then another part of this whole thing is Goal Weight. Simply, It may be wrong. If we're aiming for a certain BMI or BMI range the BMI discussion above should cause us to think. If it's a weight we were when we were young(er), our body has changed since then. If it's a weight our surgeon or medical team created it is another number intended as an idea that has been turned into a goal to measure us by. If it's based on those on-line calculators they give the average progress and result of someone with our demographics: We as individuals are not average. Goals are not written in stone. As a target to aim for when you start the process, it's fine. As you progress things change. Our bodies may tell us the original goal is unrealistic. If our body is happy and healthy at a different weight perhaps we should listen. The thing with goals, we are over the moon when we lose 10, 20, 50 pounds more than goal. Look how unconcerned we are about missing our goals by 10, 20, or 50 pounds. Why is missing goal by 10, 20, 50 pounds the other way so devestating? We misjudged our goals both ways. Ultimately, it's where our bodies that decided where to stop. If we have goals, we should continually evaluate them and change them as necessary. We have more information about our process now than we did when we started. More now than last week. Be honest. Be realistic. Good luck, Tek

@Arabesque hit all the important points. I will reitterate that it's hard to fail the psych approval or any WLS approval really. Honestly, the thoughts you are having are not unusual. Many of us worried about not being approved because we did so much wrong to get to our weight (I was 500 pounds overweight). It doesn't matter. Even knowing this I still fretted over the psych evaluation. I was certain I would be rejected for this life saving surgery. But I fooled them and was approved. You too will be approved. If you believe you can lose your weight and keep it off, then do it. Surgery is forever. Evaluate your history of weight loss attempts, if any. Many of us could lose weight. It was being consistent and maintaining that was the problem. If I honestly believed I could lose the weight and keep it off without WLS I would have done it. But I had 20 years of not being able to do it no matter my beliefs that I could. For me, my comfortable weight is just barely into 'overweight' because I'm tall and I didn't like being a stick (I was 'underweight' for a while). This decission is also all you. It's your body. There is no law that you have to have a normal BMI. Do you. Trust yourself. Tek

Congratulations on your surgery and success. To answer your questions first: How much weight did you lose after gastric bypass, and over what period of time? I lost 500+ pounds over a period of 2 years. Have you managed to maintain your weight loss, and for how long? I have managed my weight at just about a Normal BMI for just shy of 20 years. What were the biggest lessons or hurdles you faced during your journey? The biggest hurdle I had was the actual surgery. It was an open surgery where they cut from stem to sturn so they can reach in and manage the surgery then staple things back up. The staples at drain were extraordinarily painful with the slightest movement for the month until they took them out. Another couple weeks after that I was as good as gold. Next was learning how to eat, chewing, swallowing, learning when I was full, learning that I dumped on fats, then learning I dumped on sugars. Listening to my stomach on what I would be able to tolerate, then how much. Learning not to take that one more bite. My highest point was running 5 marathons, the third of which was across the Golden Gate Bridge (twice). Never even a hint of a possibility before my surgery. Good luck, Tek

I have fatty liver, diagnosed the day I had my RNY surgery 21+ years past. My perception is that as liver deseases go Fatty liver seems like the one to pick up. It has been fairly easy to deal with. My labs have generally been in the normal ranges without medications or diet changes. Basically, it's not something that even comes to mind except when mentioned here or when I'm prescribed medications that are hard on the liver, in which case I declare I can't take them but rarely and that something else should be prescribed. Chronic pain is the most fun to deal with as frequent NSAIDs are not good for the tummy and frequent Tylenol type meds are hard on the liver. It's frustrating bringing new doctors along on the rules and acceptable meds. Good luck, Tek

Isn't it amazing how a number on a scale can drive us to take action when none is necessary. How it can control our emotions. We tell ourselves we won't give the scale such power over us yet here we are. We can get there from here without a scale. Good luck. Tek

As one of the group "men" I feel the need to defend them. But I won't because relationships have come up and I want to talk about them. Them and being invisible, I want to talk about that also. By the time this is over you will be wishing I defended men. #NotAllMen Invisibility first: When I was 500+ pounds overweight I was a weird sort of invisible. The sort of invisible that people running into posts, missing stair steps, and other slapstick comedy were common around me. The sort of invisible that when I was in crouds, I had a 3 foot buffer of empty space around me. I didn't realize what I had until I lost it. As I was losing weight my invisiblity failed me completely. As I went about my business around my neighborhood, complete strangers would engage with me like long lost friends. I lived next to a police academy. We each ignored each other, or so I thought. When I was at a point I started walking then running, a police officer congratulated me on my weight loss, told me he started way back when I started. Over his car's megaphone. At 4:00am. Then the police cadets file out for their morning run, and he had each of them shake my hand. I almost became a recluse then and there. My invisibilty returned when I lost the excess weight and moved to a new city. It was lilke being showered with happiness. In crowds it wasn't pretend, people really didn't see me. I lost my 3 foot buffer but it was almost worth it. I was just another random person. I am the definition of average looking not worthy of a second glance. Or even a first. It's like a warm blanket on a cold night. Relationships: "WLS makes bad relationships worse and good ones better." If you are losing a signficant amount of weight you are making a big change in the status quo, the balance, of a lot of relationships. In this very thread we've read how relationships change with spouses, friends, enemies, and other strangers. Even yourself. On the "how relationships change for the worst." That lifetime friend that changes because you are now the pretty one. That significant other that liked you the way you were, such as becoming noticable to other men, or because you are more confident, or don't need your significant other as much.You and that unwanted attention. Oddly, "how relationships change for the better" is much the same list. As is often the case, it's all about our perception, our baggage, and what we want from life. If we want to help a relationship make it through this transformation, consistent and repetitive communication is necessary. Keeping and building relationships is only half up to you. Some relationships may not continue because the person on the other side can't cope with your changes. WLS will change your life in more ways than just losing weight. Good luck, Tek

Congratulations and good luck. Tek

I'm 21 years post-op. A sandwich that I could easily eat pre-op is 4 meals now. The thing is, my concept of 'standard' has changed completely. For this thing to work long term it had to*. In the years pre-op I could do any crash diet that came along with 100% compliance for months. I can do anything for a short time knowing the short time would end eventually. That's not change, that's will power, which most of us have in abundance. WLS is forever*. The early "honeymoon" period shouldn't be about losing weight as fast as you can*. It should be about changing "normal" and getting weight loss as a positive reinforcement for compliance*. Compliance + positive reinforcement + time = new normal*. My plan was to eat the way I would after I lost all the weight. Basically, I started my "maintenance" plan the day after surgery. I eat now pretty much as I have since about 3 months post-op, though now I complete more meals than I did at 3 months. There is no "after." This is my normal, the way I eat without thinking. WLS is forever is my opinion. Plenty of folks have done the draconian post-op diet and lost all their weight and even maintained it for years. Many track every morsel they eat forever. For me, that's no way to live. This is not how my surgeon wanted me to live. Good luck, Tek * Personal opinion.

It's a common trait that many of us put ourselves second to our spouses, signficant others, and children. Often we are guilted when we try to put ourselves first. This for many of us is something that must change in order to succeed at surgery and weight loss. Evaluate your situation. Perhaps this is when you should start taking care of yourself first. Good luck, Tek

Insurance paid for my plastic surgery because it was 'reconstrictive' rather than 'cosmetic'. Document rashes, infections, back-pain, and any other negative issues and insurance may pay. I was approved for tummy and thighs. I had the tummy tuck which was a nightmare for me and my surgeon. The surgeon ghosted me after so I didn't get my thighs done, not that I was anxious to do them. I won't share the details as it was more of a me thing than anything else and I don't want to freak anyone out of surgery. Good luck, Tek

When I had my RNY 21 years ago, I was diagnosed with fatty liver also. Doc said it was the largest he'd ever seen. I don't know if the two things are related. As liver diseases go Fatty Liver seems the most benign. I just need to avoid things that are hard on the liver. Alcohol, Acetaminophn (Tylenol), etc.. Annual blood work tells me that my liver enzymes are a bit wrong, but no medications required. I don't have experience with your SASI, but I do know that whatever you eat or drink goes straight into your intestines, there is no stomach or Pyloric Valve to slow things down. If your eating is over sugary, fatty, or even carby, diarrhea is a symptom of dumping. It also might be a symptom of something esle, or it may even be normal for SASI, I don't know. Good luck, Tek

I could have written this post, replacing 'whiskey' with 'cognac.' I drank between half a fifth [375ml] to a fifth [750ml] in one sitting. 100% sleep solution. Since surgery nearly 22 years ago, typically no ill effects in the morning. I have severe OCD so virutally everthing in my life is a binge episode. If one is good, ten is better. My mind is always spinning. I know/knew drinking this much this way was not healthy. Then again, not sleeping for days at a time is also not healthy. It's a rock and hard place thing. The only advice I have is stop trying to deal with this [sleeping] on your own. Get your doctors involved and keep them involved until you have a workable solution. Fixing sleep should remove the 'need' for whiskey to sleep. If it doesn't change get help. Good luck, Tek

A lot of early post-ops are on a virtual starvation diet which does wonders to every system in your body. This is rather expected, and something to get through for all of us. And as we all should know, when the body isn't getting adequate calories it eats fat. Yeah! And muscle. And eventually organs. Plus, your metabolism slows down. Everything that isn't critical is curtailed if not outright shut down. Things that were easily dealt with before might not be easy during starvation. Over a month, even two or three most healthy persons can cope. And typically, by three months most post-ops are upping their calories adequately. The longer we remain at starvation levels the more harm that can be caused. However, above all else, no matter what you do, carp happens. Good luck, Tek

I understand completely what your husband is feeling being a post-op husband myself. Not having a huge stomach and thighs in the way changes intercourse dramatically. One can get in there more completely, which gives much better sensation than before. Then their the whole idea that he is feeling much better about himself. Heck, his excess weight was probably a huge motivator in doing oral sex in the first place. He may have felt he was not satisfying you with intercourse so performed oral to ensure you were happy. Now that he is happy with intercourse and feeling like you are both being satisfied oral is less necessary. Some clear and honest communication on wants and needs may help in understanding the situation. Guessing is more often wrong than useful. Good luck, Tek

This is something I went through and I agree, it isn't as fun as it looks. For me, it was connected to me eating to fast, which translates to not chewing well enough. Things got stuck, or nearly stuck, and off I go to the private party room. This can irritate the surgery and cause swelling and/or be exceptional sensitiity for days Don't worry, you very likely are not harming your surgery. Things eventually worked out, I kept focusing on doing it right and it eventually became my new normal. Keep focussing on doing it right. Good luck, Tek

Our plans are different. Some allow smoothies others don't. My plan says no drinking calories, so I couldn't drink a smoothie and stay on plan. What does your plan say? Good luck, Tek

I am one of the lucky ones that dumps. I dump on both sugars and fats. It turned out to be quite the educator, and honestly, something I hoped for pre-op. Back when I had surgery, dumping was more of a 50/50 proposition because bypasses were often more distal than today. I dumped more early post-op because a small serving of fruit was quite a bit compared to the small amount of anything else I ate. As I was able to eat more toward my plan, along with experience, dumping decreased. All these years later dumping is now just part of the joy of being me. Good luck, Tek

Welcome to the forum. In order to offer meaningful advice, folks need to know details of your eating plan (if any), exercise plan (if any), your compliance, what you feel are your problem areas, height, weight at surgery, and any other information you believe may be useful. Also, what has you surgeon to say? The folks here are tremendously helpful and will go out of their ways to try to help. Good luck, Tek

I don't think a therepy session is the solution for which you are looking. I'm shocked and dismayed by the questions posted here by early post-ops. Everything should have been covered by their program team. Nay, it should have been pounded into their patients heads. What to expect, possible problems, the diet, and every other last detail. Twice. Unfortunately, many programs fall terribly short on information. Another unfortunately, some patients simply don't listen. The combination can be heartbreaking. Let's you and I rule the world and make some changes! Tek

Hard to be wrong when you take both sides. I expect that with time the Psych eval will go completely away. Back in the day it was considered necessary and some people were even turned down or delayed in favor of therapy. Being bumped was a legitimate concern in my program, but I fooled them completely. Now it's a rare case that the psych eval changes anything. Some programs have patients take a psych test online, no shrink. It's a box to check on a list. Insurance will eventually want to save that money. Or maybe not, it may save them more as a stumbling block on the way to surgery. See, I can take both sides too. As for actual therapy before or after surger, I'm torn. Requiring therapy is a bad idea. If the patient isn't completely engaged and prepared to be honest in therapy it's a waste of time. The therapist only knows what they are told. Carp in carp out. You can't require engagement or honesty. I agree that therapy for most of us would be benificial with the above caveats. Well, not for me, of course. Good luck, Tek

Surgery is a stress on your body that often causes hair to fall out. Suppliments won't change it. My suppliments started with a basic multivitam, iron (slow-FE), Calcium, and B-12. The basic multivitamin is because the first few months we are often on a virtual starvation diet so it's to make up that deficiency. After the first few months we were expected to eat adequately to cover typical requirements. Iron, Calcium, and B-12 additionally because Bypass patients are known to malabsorb iron, calcium & B-12. Any and all other suppliments were/are in response to deficiencies in blood work. Times have changed in the last 20 some-odd years. I haven't. Good luck, Tek

Your goals are yours to decide. After all, you're the one doing the work and living in your body. The way you've been handling it seems cromulent. Different folks choose goal weights for different reasons: It was a weight they liked in the past; or what the Doc says; or what a chart says; or what their spouse says; or it seems reasonable; or it's a nice round number; or whatever. For me, I had a lot of weight to lose so putting a final number on it seemed unrealistic to me. I figured I'd ride the ride and see where I was when I got there. Ultimately I went by how I felt rather than a number on a scale. Don't make the mistake of allowing yourself to be pushed into someone else's goal for you. This way leads to frustration and can turn a perfectly respectable success into a complete failure. Keep doing you. Good luck, Tek

"Clean living and not suffering stupid questions." Tek

It's your body, you can count whatever you d*** well please. You are on your own track. No one else has ever been on your track. If your medical team has an idea of "on track" then they are comparing your track to everyone else's tracks. That's their issue, not yours. Comparison sucks the joy from life. Good luck, Tek