The Greater Fool

As one of the group "men" I feel the need to defend them. But I won't because relationships have come up and I want to talk about them. Them and being invisible, I want to talk about that also. By the time this is over you will be wishing I defended men. #NotAllMen Invisibility first: When I was 500+ pounds overweight I was a weird sort of invisible. The sort of invisible that people running into posts, missing stair steps, and other slapstick comedy were common around me. The sort of invisible that when I was in crouds, I had a 3 foot buffer of empty space around me. I didn't realize what I had until I lost it. As I was losing weight my invisiblity failed me completely. As I went about my business around my neighborhood, complete strangers would engage with me like long lost friends. I lived next to a police academy. We each ignored each other, or so I thought. When I was at a point I started walking then running, a police officer congratulated me on my weight loss, told me he started way back when I started. Over his car's megaphone. At 4:00am. Then the police cadets file out for their morning run, and he had each of them shake my hand. I almost became a recluse then and there. My invisibilty returned when I lost the excess weight and moved to a new city. It was lilke being showered with happiness. In crowds it wasn't pretend, people really didn't see me. I lost my 3 foot buffer but it was almost worth it. I was just another random person. I am the definition of average looking not worthy of a second glance. Or even a first. It's like a warm blanket on a cold night. Relationships: "WLS makes bad relationships worse and good ones better." If you are losing a signficant amount of weight you are making a big change in the status quo, the balance, of a lot of relationships. In this very thread we've read how relationships change with spouses, friends, enemies, and other strangers. Even yourself. On the "how relationships change for the worst." That lifetime friend that changes because you are now the pretty one. That significant other that liked you the way you were, such as becoming noticable to other men, or because you are more confident, or don't need your significant other as much.You and that unwanted attention. Oddly, "how relationships change for the better" is much the same list. As is often the case, it's all about our perception, our baggage, and what we want from life. If we want to help a relationship make it through this transformation, consistent and repetitive communication is necessary. Keeping and building relationships is only half up to you. Some relationships may not continue because the person on the other side can't cope with your changes. WLS will change your life in more ways than just losing weight. Good luck, Tek

Congratulations and good luck. Tek

I'm 21 years post-op. A sandwich that I could easily eat pre-op is 4 meals now. The thing is, my concept of 'standard' has changed completely. For this thing to work long term it had to*. In the years pre-op I could do any crash diet that came along with 100% compliance for months. I can do anything for a short time knowing the short time would end eventually. That's not change, that's will power, which most of us have in abundance. WLS is forever*. The early "honeymoon" period shouldn't be about losing weight as fast as you can*. It should be about changing "normal" and getting weight loss as a positive reinforcement for compliance*. Compliance + positive reinforcement + time = new normal*. My plan was to eat the way I would after I lost all the weight. Basically, I started my "maintenance" plan the day after surgery. I eat now pretty much as I have since about 3 months post-op, though now I complete more meals than I did at 3 months. There is no "after." This is my normal, the way I eat without thinking. WLS is forever is my opinion. Plenty of folks have done the draconian post-op diet and lost all their weight and even maintained it for years. Many track every morsel they eat forever. For me, that's no way to live. This is not how my surgeon wanted me to live. Good luck, Tek * Personal opinion.

It's a common trait that many of us put ourselves second to our spouses, signficant others, and children. Often we are guilted when we try to put ourselves first. This for many of us is something that must change in order to succeed at surgery and weight loss. Evaluate your situation. Perhaps this is when you should start taking care of yourself first. Good luck, Tek

Insurance paid for my plastic surgery because it was 'reconstrictive' rather than 'cosmetic'. Document rashes, infections, back-pain, and any other negative issues and insurance may pay. I was approved for tummy and thighs. I had the tummy tuck which was a nightmare for me and my surgeon. The surgeon ghosted me after so I didn't get my thighs done, not that I was anxious to do them. I won't share the details as it was more of a me thing than anything else and I don't want to freak anyone out of surgery. Good luck, Tek

When I had my RNY 21 years ago, I was diagnosed with fatty liver also. Doc said it was the largest he'd ever seen. I don't know if the two things are related. As liver diseases go Fatty Liver seems the most benign. I just need to avoid things that are hard on the liver. Alcohol, Acetaminophn (Tylenol), etc.. Annual blood work tells me that my liver enzymes are a bit wrong, but no medications required. I don't have experience with your SASI, but I do know that whatever you eat or drink goes straight into your intestines, there is no stomach or Pyloric Valve to slow things down. If your eating is over sugary, fatty, or even carby, diarrhea is a symptom of dumping. It also might be a symptom of something esle, or it may even be normal for SASI, I don't know. Good luck, Tek

I could have written this post, replacing 'whiskey' with 'cognac.' I drank between half a fifth [375ml] to a fifth [750ml] in one sitting. 100% sleep solution. Since surgery nearly 22 years ago, typically no ill effects in the morning. I have severe OCD so virutally everthing in my life is a binge episode. If one is good, ten is better. My mind is always spinning. I know/knew drinking this much this way was not healthy. Then again, not sleeping for days at a time is also not healthy. It's a rock and hard place thing. The only advice I have is stop trying to deal with this [sleeping] on your own. Get your doctors involved and keep them involved until you have a workable solution. Fixing sleep should remove the 'need' for whiskey to sleep. If it doesn't change get help. Good luck, Tek

A lot of early post-ops are on a virtual starvation diet which does wonders to every system in your body. This is rather expected, and something to get through for all of us. And as we all should know, when the body isn't getting adequate calories it eats fat. Yeah! And muscle. And eventually organs. Plus, your metabolism slows down. Everything that isn't critical is curtailed if not outright shut down. Things that were easily dealt with before might not be easy during starvation. Over a month, even two or three most healthy persons can cope. And typically, by three months most post-ops are upping their calories adequately. The longer we remain at starvation levels the more harm that can be caused. However, above all else, no matter what you do, carp happens. Good luck, Tek

I understand completely what your husband is feeling being a post-op husband myself. Not having a huge stomach and thighs in the way changes intercourse dramatically. One can get in there more completely, which gives much better sensation than before. Then their the whole idea that he is feeling much better about himself. Heck, his excess weight was probably a huge motivator in doing oral sex in the first place. He may have felt he was not satisfying you with intercourse so performed oral to ensure you were happy. Now that he is happy with intercourse and feeling like you are both being satisfied oral is less necessary. Some clear and honest communication on wants and needs may help in understanding the situation. Guessing is more often wrong than useful. Good luck, Tek

This is something I went through and I agree, it isn't as fun as it looks. For me, it was connected to me eating to fast, which translates to not chewing well enough. Things got stuck, or nearly stuck, and off I go to the private party room. This can irritate the surgery and cause swelling and/or be exceptional sensitiity for days Don't worry, you very likely are not harming your surgery. Things eventually worked out, I kept focusing on doing it right and it eventually became my new normal. Keep focussing on doing it right. Good luck, Tek

Our plans are different. Some allow smoothies others don't. My plan says no drinking calories, so I couldn't drink a smoothie and stay on plan. What does your plan say? Good luck, Tek

I am one of the lucky ones that dumps. I dump on both sugars and fats. It turned out to be quite the educator, and honestly, something I hoped for pre-op. Back when I had surgery, dumping was more of a 50/50 proposition because bypasses were often more distal than today. I dumped more early post-op because a small serving of fruit was quite a bit compared to the small amount of anything else I ate. As I was able to eat more toward my plan, along with experience, dumping decreased. All these years later dumping is now just part of the joy of being me. Good luck, Tek

Welcome to the forum. In order to offer meaningful advice, folks need to know details of your eating plan (if any), exercise plan (if any), your compliance, what you feel are your problem areas, height, weight at surgery, and any other information you believe may be useful. Also, what has you surgeon to say? The folks here are tremendously helpful and will go out of their ways to try to help. Good luck, Tek

I don't think a therepy session is the solution for which you are looking. I'm shocked and dismayed by the questions posted here by early post-ops. Everything should have been covered by their program team. Nay, it should have been pounded into their patients heads. What to expect, possible problems, the diet, and every other last detail. Twice. Unfortunately, many programs fall terribly short on information. Another unfortunately, some patients simply don't listen. The combination can be heartbreaking. Let's you and I rule the world and make some changes! Tek

Hard to be wrong when you take both sides. I expect that with time the Psych eval will go completely away. Back in the day it was considered necessary and some people were even turned down or delayed in favor of therapy. Being bumped was a legitimate concern in my program, but I fooled them completely. Now it's a rare case that the psych eval changes anything. Some programs have patients take a psych test online, no shrink. It's a box to check on a list. Insurance will eventually want to save that money. Or maybe not, it may save them more as a stumbling block on the way to surgery. See, I can take both sides too. As for actual therapy before or after surger, I'm torn. Requiring therapy is a bad idea. If the patient isn't completely engaged and prepared to be honest in therapy it's a waste of time. The therapist only knows what they are told. Carp in carp out. You can't require engagement or honesty. I agree that therapy for most of us would be benificial with the above caveats. Well, not for me, of course. Good luck, Tek

Surgery is a stress on your body that often causes hair to fall out. Suppliments won't change it. My suppliments started with a basic multivitam, iron (slow-FE), Calcium, and B-12. The basic multivitamin is because the first few months we are often on a virtual starvation diet so it's to make up that deficiency. After the first few months we were expected to eat adequately to cover typical requirements. Iron, Calcium, and B-12 additionally because Bypass patients are known to malabsorb iron, calcium & B-12. Any and all other suppliments were/are in response to deficiencies in blood work. Times have changed in the last 20 some-odd years. I haven't. Good luck, Tek

Your goals are yours to decide. After all, you're the one doing the work and living in your body. The way you've been handling it seems cromulent. Different folks choose goal weights for different reasons: It was a weight they liked in the past; or what the Doc says; or what a chart says; or what their spouse says; or it seems reasonable; or it's a nice round number; or whatever. For me, I had a lot of weight to lose so putting a final number on it seemed unrealistic to me. I figured I'd ride the ride and see where I was when I got there. Ultimately I went by how I felt rather than a number on a scale. Don't make the mistake of allowing yourself to be pushed into someone else's goal for you. This way leads to frustration and can turn a perfectly respectable success into a complete failure. Keep doing you. Good luck, Tek

"Clean living and not suffering stupid questions." Tek

It's your body, you can count whatever you d*** well please. You are on your own track. No one else has ever been on your track. If your medical team has an idea of "on track" then they are comparing your track to everyone else's tracks. That's their issue, not yours. Comparison sucks the joy from life. Good luck, Tek

About 21 years ago I weighed over 700 pounds when I decided to have surgery at 43. The writing was on the wall: By 50 I would be dead or wishing I was. With surgery I had solid chance at losing enough of my weight to live a more active, healthy, happy, and longer life. Because of my weight and health issues, Doc said I had a 1 in 20 chance of dying on the table. I had a 100% chance of dying in too few years. I didn't even have to think about it. Surgery went fine. I'm told I didn't die. I followed my plan. I worked on my mental health. It took about 3 years to lose just over 500 pounds. I am healthier, happier, and ridiculously more active beyond anything I imagined. Life is still full of ups and downs. Some ups and downs are the same, some are vastly different. The current ups and downs are better. Much better. Good luck, Tek

Hello Christine and congratulations on your retirement. Nice to run into fellow traveler that had the full cut, though my team called it 'open.' For me the full cut / open surgery with accompanying staples were the worst part of the whole process. Once the staples came out I was a happy camper. Since we're in Rants and Raves, I'll dip my toe into rants... I somewhat agree with your frustration with the changes in nutrition and supplements over the years. So much of what we're told more and more is pulled out of thin air, or from studies taken out of context, or study results that are exaggerated beyond reason, or just conflicting information that people just didn't think through. We're bombarded with all this 'new', 'critical' information that is neither new or critical. It's just the same old stuff packed in a way that will get clicks. People are still looking the buy or sell a new magic bullet to solve their weight and other problems they didn't know they had. It's the same old mundane nothing that does not match up to the hype. First world problems. Good luck on your repairs. Tek

When it comes to virtually any human behavior or endeavor there are people that from the very first exposure love it more than life itself and those that believe it is the worst thing in existence and can't grasp the appeal. Many of the former simply can't understand the latter's aversion and vice versa. There are people that take up behaviors or endeavors they hate in order to fit in just as there people that avoid behaviors or endeavors to fit in. And those that do or don't do things to not fit in. We all only have the actual experience of what is going on in our heads. We have no experience of what other people experience in their heads. This is a major stumbling point of being human. If another person seems to love a behavior or experience as much as I do I still can't know their experience. Nor can I experience their hate or disgust. We are each stuck in our own heads. Empathy can only get us so far. Empathy allows us to intellectually understand that people have reasons for doing things just as I have reasons for doing similar or analogous things. Empathy doesn't cause me to experience what another person experiences. So, while I intellectually understand there are different strokes for different folks, I will never experience those different strokes the same as different folks. People are freaks. Well, not me of course. Good luck, Tek

Why don't you like all the foods and drinks I like? I can't see how you don't like something I find so enjoyable. Different strokes for different folks. Good luck, Tek

Enjoy. Tek

Tell us of your eating and activity programs so that we may give rational advice. For example, how many meals per day? Consisting of? How compliant are you? What activity program do you follow? How often? How are you performing compared to program goals? Additionally, are you tracking your eating and exercise? How consistent are you? Surgery addresses short term over-eating pretty successfully. However, 'grazing,' which is constantly eating smaller amounts over a longer period of time defeat our restriction component pretty effectively. There are actually other similar traps we may fall into without being aware. So, let us know and there are tons of folks that will fall over themselves to help you out. Good luck, Tek