The Greater Fool

As one of the group "men" I feel the need to defend them. But I won't because relationships have come up and I want to talk about them. Them and being invisible, I want to talk about that also. By the time this is over you will be wishing I defended men. #NotAllMen Invisibility first: When I was 500+ pounds overweight I was a weird sort of invisible. The sort of invisible that people running into posts, missing stair steps, and other slapstick comedy were common around me. The sort of invisible that when I was in crouds, I had a 3 foot buffer of empty space around me. I didn't realize what I had until I lost it. As I was losing weight my invisiblity failed me completely. As I went about my business around my neighborhood, complete strangers would engage with me like long lost friends. I lived next to a police academy. We each ignored each other, or so I thought. When I was at a point I started walking then running, a police officer congratulated me on my weight loss, told me he started way back when I started. Over his car's megaphone. At 4:00am. Then the police cadets file out for their morning run, and he had each of them shake my hand. I almost became a recluse then and there. My invisibilty returned when I lost the excess weight and moved to a new city. It was lilke being showered with happiness. In crowds it wasn't pretend, people really didn't see me. I lost my 3 foot buffer but it was almost worth it. I was just another random person. I am the definition of average looking not worthy of a second glance. Or even a first. It's like a warm blanket on a cold night. Relationships: "WLS makes bad relationships worse and good ones better." If you are losing a signficant amount of weight you are making a big change in the status quo, the balance, of a lot of relationships. In this very thread we've read how relationships change with spouses, friends, enemies, and other strangers. Even yourself. On the "how relationships change for the worst." That lifetime friend that changes because you are now the pretty one. That significant other that liked you the way you were, such as becoming noticable to other men, or because you are more confident, or don't need your significant other as much.You and that unwanted attention. Oddly, "how relationships change for the better" is much the same list. As is often the case, it's all about our perception, our baggage, and what we want from life. If we want to help a relationship make it through this transformation, consistent and repetitive communication is necessary. Keeping and building relationships is only half up to you. Some relationships may not continue because the person on the other side can't cope with your changes. WLS will change your life in more ways than just losing weight. Good luck, Tek

Congratulations and good luck. Tek

I'm 21 years post-op. A sandwich that I could easily eat pre-op is 4 meals now. The thing is, my concept of 'standard' has changed completely. For this thing to work long term it had to*. In the years pre-op I could do any crash diet that came along with 100% compliance for months. I can do anything for a short time knowing the short time would end eventually. That's not change, that's will power, which most of us have in abundance. WLS is forever*. The early "honeymoon" period shouldn't be about losing weight as fast as you can*. It should be about changing "normal" and getting weight loss as a positive reinforcement for compliance*. Compliance + positive reinforcement + time = new normal*. My plan was to eat the way I would after I lost all the weight. Basically, I started my "maintenance" plan the day after surgery. I eat now pretty much as I have since about 3 months post-op, though now I complete more meals than I did at 3 months. There is no "after." This is my normal, the way I eat without thinking. WLS is forever is my opinion. Plenty of folks have done the draconian post-op diet and lost all their weight and even maintained it for years. Many track every morsel they eat forever. For me, that's no way to live. This is not how my surgeon wanted me to live. Good luck, Tek * Personal opinion.

It's a common trait that many of us put ourselves second to our spouses, signficant others, and children. Often we are guilted when we try to put ourselves first. This for many of us is something that must change in order to succeed at surgery and weight loss. Evaluate your situation. Perhaps this is when you should start taking care of yourself first. Good luck, Tek

Insurance paid for my plastic surgery because it was 'reconstrictive' rather than 'cosmetic'. Document rashes, infections, back-pain, and any other negative issues and insurance may pay. I was approved for tummy and thighs. I had the tummy tuck which was a nightmare for me and my surgeon. The surgeon ghosted me after so I didn't get my thighs done, not that I was anxious to do them. I won't share the details as it was more of a me thing than anything else and I don't want to freak anyone out of surgery. Good luck, Tek

When I had my RNY 21 years ago, I was diagnosed with fatty liver also. Doc said it was the largest he'd ever seen. I don't know if the two things are related. As liver diseases go Fatty Liver seems the most benign. I just need to avoid things that are hard on the liver. Alcohol, Acetaminophn (Tylenol), etc.. Annual blood work tells me that my liver enzymes are a bit wrong, but no medications required. I don't have experience with your SASI, but I do know that whatever you eat or drink goes straight into your intestines, there is no stomach or Pyloric Valve to slow things down. If your eating is over sugary, fatty, or even carby, diarrhea is a symptom of dumping. It also might be a symptom of something esle, or it may even be normal for SASI, I don't know. Good luck, Tek

I could have written this post, replacing 'whiskey' with 'cognac.' I drank between half a fifth [375ml] to a fifth [750ml] in one sitting. 100% sleep solution. Since surgery nearly 22 years ago, typically no ill effects in the morning. I have severe OCD so virutally everthing in my life is a binge episode. If one is good, ten is better. My mind is always spinning. I know/knew drinking this much this way was not healthy. Then again, not sleeping for days at a time is also not healthy. It's a rock and hard place thing. The only advice I have is stop trying to deal with this [sleeping] on your own. Get your doctors involved and keep them involved until you have a workable solution. Fixing sleep should remove the 'need' for whiskey to sleep. If it doesn't change get help. Good luck, Tek

A lot of early post-ops are on a virtual starvation diet which does wonders to every system in your body. This is rather expected, and something to get through for all of us. And as we all should know, when the body isn't getting adequate calories it eats fat. Yeah! And muscle. And eventually organs. Plus, your metabolism slows down. Everything that isn't critical is curtailed if not outright shut down. Things that were easily dealt with before might not be easy during starvation. Over a month, even two or three most healthy persons can cope. And typically, by three months most post-ops are upping their calories adequately. The longer we remain at starvation levels the more harm that can be caused. However, above all else, no matter what you do, carp happens. Good luck, Tek

I understand completely what your husband is feeling being a post-op husband myself. Not having a huge stomach and thighs in the way changes intercourse dramatically. One can get in there more completely, which gives much better sensation than before. Then their the whole idea that he is feeling much better about himself. Heck, his excess weight was probably a huge motivator in doing oral sex in the first place. He may have felt he was not satisfying you with intercourse so performed oral to ensure you were happy. Now that he is happy with intercourse and feeling like you are both being satisfied oral is less necessary. Some clear and honest communication on wants and needs may help in understanding the situation. Guessing is more often wrong than useful. Good luck, Tek

This is something I went through and I agree, it isn't as fun as it looks. For me, it was connected to me eating to fast, which translates to not chewing well enough. Things got stuck, or nearly stuck, and off I go to the private party room. This can irritate the surgery and cause swelling and/or be exceptional sensitiity for days Don't worry, you very likely are not harming your surgery. Things eventually worked out, I kept focusing on doing it right and it eventually became my new normal. Keep focussing on doing it right. Good luck, Tek

Our plans are different. Some allow smoothies others don't. My plan says no drinking calories, so I couldn't drink a smoothie and stay on plan. What does your plan say? Good luck, Tek

I am one of the lucky ones that dumps. I dump on both sugars and fats. It turned out to be quite the educator, and honestly, something I hoped for pre-op. Back when I had surgery, dumping was more of a 50/50 proposition because bypasses were often more distal than today. I dumped more early post-op because a small serving of fruit was quite a bit compared to the small amount of anything else I ate. As I was able to eat more toward my plan, along with experience, dumping decreased. All these years later dumping is now just part of the joy of being me. Good luck, Tek

Welcome to the forum. In order to offer meaningful advice, folks need to know details of your eating plan (if any), exercise plan (if any), your compliance, what you feel are your problem areas, height, weight at surgery, and any other information you believe may be useful. Also, what has you surgeon to say? The folks here are tremendously helpful and will go out of their ways to try to help. Good luck, Tek

I don't think a therepy session is the solution for which you are looking. I'm shocked and dismayed by the questions posted here by early post-ops. Everything should have been covered by their program team. Nay, it should have been pounded into their patients heads. What to expect, possible problems, the diet, and every other last detail. Twice. Unfortunately, many programs fall terribly short on information. Another unfortunately, some patients simply don't listen. The combination can be heartbreaking. Let's you and I rule the world and make some changes! Tek

Hard to be wrong when you take both sides. I expect that with time the Psych eval will go completely away. Back in the day it was considered necessary and some people were even turned down or delayed in favor of therapy. Being bumped was a legitimate concern in my program, but I fooled them completely. Now it's a rare case that the psych eval changes anything. Some programs have patients take a psych test online, no shrink. It's a box to check on a list. Insurance will eventually want to save that money. Or maybe not, it may save them more as a stumbling block on the way to surgery. See, I can take both sides too. As for actual therapy before or after surger, I'm torn. Requiring therapy is a bad idea. If the patient isn't completely engaged and prepared to be honest in therapy it's a waste of time. The therapist only knows what they are told. Carp in carp out. You can't require engagement or honesty. I agree that therapy for most of us would be benificial with the above caveats. Well, not for me, of course. Good luck, Tek