Zom B

Happy Birthday!!!

Happy birthday 🎁

Happy birthday! I'm officially 5 wks and 3 days post op today and thankfully things went pretty well for me overall. Yesterday was my birthday and it was definitely different. My husband took me out to dinner and knowing that I now have a four bite max threshold, majority of my dinner was put in a to go box lol. food has definitely changed for me now but being that I'm down 26 pounds, I'm not complaining! 😊

Happy Happy Birthday 🎉🎁🎈🎊🎂. I’m going in 3 weeks post op still having some issues with some foods but everything else is going great.

Congratulations and Happy Birthday 🎉🎂🎁
Wishing you many, many, many more happy and healthy years to come!

Hey All,
I’m officially one month post op. Aside from some minor issues the first two weeks things have been progressing smoothly. I’ve graduated to regular foods and have been tolerating them as well. Today is my birthday and I must say it will feel weird not to have my traditional birthday meal and cake but I’m thinking about all the birthdays I will now gain instead. How is everyone doing on their journey?

This reads to me like someone who just took a creative writing class. Very descriptive. “A for effort.” F for that last comment “may you get what you deserve.”

What the hell? I hope your wife gets better, but wishing other people complications is not nice.

I'm not going to do that. I'm not trying to get involved in anything negative. I hope what you say is true, but it seems a little disingenuous when you follow her to another post to comment. Maybe there's some sort of disconnect, but if it were me, I'd handle that with extra kindness rather than trying to defend a position. People don't get here because their lives were easy, and we can demonstrate grace, even when someone is wrong. Stay well. I sincerely wish you the best, a

People can be a-holes when they’re safely behind their keyboard battle shields. Learn to spot their dysfunction as a product of their own issues with themselves rather than with you. Hurt people hurt people... Lots of people probably live your contributions. Hang in there. a

So.. I’m leaving the app.. sorry if I sounded rude or um.. unwanting to get help like some ppl said. Just for the record I’m literally 18. I had the surgery done when I was 17. I never found any support from someone who fully supported me. I guess if you are not perfect at wls you are not good enough. Just like everything else in life.... I want to thank anyone who took the time to speak with me and I’m sorry to anyone who I hurt because that was totally unintentional...

Hm i dont agree with this i have seen several successful vlogs on youtube who do have slip ups. To err is human and being perfectionist is not really reasonable. I think everyone does their best. This person made a good first step by talking about it

I will tell you this, I was supposed to do a two week liquid diet, did one week and the surgery was cancelled. Then, I ate real food, trying to stay low carb, but got kind of pissy over the weekend and ate Italian and Mexican food for dinner...and did NOT do low carb (although I did try to curb my carb enthusiasm!). Then feeling guilty, I called the doctor's office to ask them to give me plenty of time to do the two week pre-op before re-scheduling...AND they had managed to get me in ON THE ORIGINAL DATE at a surgery clinic (as opposed to a hospital). I came clean and they said not to worry about it, just get back on the wagon. My surgeon said my pre-op was fine.
Now, does that mean it will be okay for you? I think you need to talk to your surgeon and let him know. Everyone (sleevers and surgeons) is different and my experience could vary wildly from yours. And I think you need to make sure that your head is in the right place...as you could very easily only eat dessert after surgery, but you will not get the outcome you desire!
Good luck!!

I agree with what everyone else has said - I would definitely call the surgeons office to be sure.
I am also in the pre-op phase with surgery tomorrow. I have NOT cheated, but I can tell you that I've been tempted what feels like a million times (especially when cooking for the family!). This week, I have purposely had food in the house that I shouldn't eat just to make sure that I CAN do this. It's a mind game that truly screws with your head. For you; today is a new day - The first day of the rest of the journey - Treat it as such and jump right back on that wagon. You CAN do this - Don't beat yourself up and keep looking to the future.
When I'm feeling tempted, rather than look at what other surgeons say for pre-op, I've gone online and looked at before and after pictures, come on here to see what the "pros" have done to help my motivation.

I would call your surgeon, be honest, and ask what they think. You don’t want to be cut open unnecessarily if they’re just going to send you home. They may say it’s fine and just stick to it from now until surgery.

Remember change is scary and people of all genders aren’t always at their best when they are afraid.

In times of significant change, it’s usually worth giving the other person the benefit of the doubt.

Loving and caring for yourself doesn’t exclude loving and caring for him.

I wish I could find the actual numbers on this - but I've seen this in action.
Husband - had a heart attack and I forget what else. He needed WLS, was 400+ lbs. He got RnY. Became a member of a hiking club. Got healthy. Wife stayed by his side through it all.
2 years later - Wife - found out she had celiac. Foods needed to be changed - wheat had to get out of the house. Tiny amounts of wheat could make her very sick.
Husband left wife for a woman in the hiking club.
Men are more likely to leave wives than wives to leave husbands because of health challenges. https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/why-sick-wives-increase-divorce-risk-not-sick-husbands/
I am divorced because in short, I had a life altering change 8 years ago and left him 5 years ago because he could not seem to get it in his head that I grew and didn't want to go back to my old ways. (We were married 27 yrs) He did not want to grow. He bullied me because of it. My eyes opened. He wouldn't go to counseling until after I had already fallen out of love with him and it was too late. It takes 2 to make a marriage work. I was not willing to go back to the way I was and he was not willing to grow with me.
So I guess what I'm saying, is if he's willing to put in the work while you are going through your changes - to communicate with you and be the man who grows with you - you are going to have a great marriage that will make it. If he is going to stay stuck in his insecurity and not communicate or grow with you - you will both be miserable, or maybe just you will be - and eventually someone will leave. Or at least they should.
Best of luck to you and I hope for the best possible outcome for you, emotionally and physically! Good for you for taking care of your body, to be on this earth longer for you and your loved ones!

From a guys point of view I think your husband definitely is feeling insecure about your decision. I don’t see it as a control mechanism. He’s simply expressing his fears to you, that’s being honest. If there’s any strong feelings you need to reassure him you’re in this together and you’re looking forward to a long, healthy, happy life with him. Best of luck.

I am also a few months out from having surgery (I have to wait until March, I have to accrue more vacation time to take off for after surgery, bummer) I am not married but in a relationship. My boyfriend adores me and loves everything about my body currently (so he says, lol. Of course women never 100% believe that, right?) But he made a somewhat similar comment and I was definitely a little hurt and surprised, he said it like he was kinda kidding but it's stuck with me. He said that he's a little worried that I'll lose weight and get cocky and thing I deserve better and leave him (he's a bigger guy) Then he said, "But if that happens, I have photo evidence..." I was hoping he was going to say, photo evidence that I loved him before, no! He meant photo evidence that I was once fat also! Ouch! He's extremely supportive and wants me to do whatever I feel is right for me! But clearly, a tad insecure too? I'm trying to not nail him to the cross for that one, but instead be understanding that he will have his doubts and fears about the process just like I do. Just in different ways.

I'm the last person who is qualified to give relationship advice, but hey, it's the internet, so I'm not going to let that stop me from throwing in my 2 cents. It is true that a lot of marriages end after WLS, so I don't blame him for being worried. But marriages don't end as a direct result of WLS; they end as a result of changes to the marriage from the (mostly positive) changes of losing weight and improving health. Sometimes it's because people put up with more than they should because they don't think anyone else will love them, and when they lose weight, they realize they don't need to put up with abuse to be loved. Other times, it's because your interests and priorities may change when you're physically able to do things you couldn't do when you were bigger.
It's not fair for him to put it all on you, though. If I understand correctly, you have tried to get him to go to marriage counseling and he won't do it. If the marriage is so important to him, he needs to put some effort into it, too. It is NOT a selfish decision to do something to improve your health. Unless you are actively planning to lose weight so you can find a better husband, deciding to have WLS does not equal choosing to end your marriage.

I'm a guy, was married 27-28 years when I started toward surgery. My wife was like you, outgoing, social, etc. I am like your husband, introverted, insecure, a curmudgeon. Ok, here we go...
I've heard it said "WLS makes good marriages better and bad marriages worse."
My wife supported me 100%. But I initiated a similar discussion. Since I was always huge, I couldn't be sure that I wouldn't change. What if I did? We finally decided worrying about it doesn't and won't change anything. Worrying now (then) was wasted energy. I had no intention of allowing WLS to kill my marriage and we had to settle there. It wasn't just one discussion, we had it several times before and after surgery. Each time we reconfirmed our commitments to each other.
Unless your husband is typically a jerk to you, I wouldn't count his insecurity against him. It's a fair concern. You both have issues and you love each other. But, once you remove your issues he fears he won't be good enough for the new you. Talk about it. Reassure him in no uncertain terms your feelings and intentions. Each time it comes up. Affirm your feelings toward him.
If he is a total jerk, well surgery or not you have some thinking to do. My experience won't help you here.
For the record, our marriage got better. My insecurities about the new me didn't blossom, but I'm still insecure. I am still me and I'm still in love with my wife more every day. She reports the same... but I think she's just being nice
Good luck
Tek

Thank you friends. All wise words and it's nice to just be heard. I will definitely be going forward with the surgery. I appreciate you all and this community so much. Thank you!

A wise woman (my mother) told me "you manifest your own destiny" - Your husband sounds scared and nervous. I agree with what everyone else has said. Hang in there - In reality, how he handles your weight loss is HIS decision. If he chooses to alienate and not support you, then those are HIS choices. YOUR choice to get healthy and be happy are yours.
I hope that you do what's best for you - Whatever that decision is.

Wow.
First of all, there is nothing selfish about taking control of your health by getting surgery. We all have the right to make smart choices about our health and our bodies, and you should be congratulated for taking the next step. You also have every right to Celebrate your weight loss success after surgery and to find joy in everyday life that may have eluded you before.
I'm not a psychologist, but I think it's pretty clear that your husband does NOT support your surgery. Saying you should think through your decision by giving you all the possible negative repercussions seems like a passive/aggressive attempt to talk you out of it. As you said, it's emotional abuse.
If you can't get him to go the therapy, you should address this with your therapist (if you haven't already) so you can separate you own needs from your husband's attempts to control you. This decision might be the catalyst you need to explore whether your marriage is worth saving.
Of course, I can't pretend to understand the dynamics of your marriage, but that's my honest assessment based on the information you have provided. Best wishes for whatever decision you make, and know that you will have a supportive community here throughout your journey.

I had both an encouraging and frustrating day. I don't know where else to vent since my surgery is private. My husband of 27 years is encouraging and accepting of my surgery plans, which I started in earnest today. I'm a few months from surgery (damn dietician requirements) but I am well researched and prepared to make a lifelong change. After discussing the hoops and loops, my husband made one last comment.
(Paraphrasing) "I support you in this surgery but I am pointing out that I want you to think through the fact that you will probably have an affair or divorce me. Or your personality will change. Or you'll think less of me because I'm somewhat overweight. And I want you to balance choice along with the advantage of better health and being thinner."
Our marriage is good but has had a few rocky seasons. I am normally active. He is not. I'm extroverted. He is not. There is some unhealthy co-dependent and emotional abuse. He refuses any marriage counseling or movement towards change. I've been in therapy for years, by myself.
I know this is more emotional abuse but essentially, I am being asked to DECIDE to gamble my marriage if I dare to consider surgery. He'll support me but if I push back even a little bit, with any kind of independence, any joy, or lust for life, I'm proving him correct. And it will be lorded over my head. *I* made the problem. I made the choice.
Any advice or insight on how to let guilt slide off your back? Or how to make a selfish decision for your own happiness?