Malice X Girl

I have no idea what is going on with me this weekend. Seriously I have for the first time in a long time, knowingly sabatogued myself and I feel as if I need to figure out why if I want to stop it, and I do. I think that it would be nieve of me to think that this is just me craving stuff, like it's a chemical thing going on in my body, no I don't know what or why but I think it's psychological. Why am I backing off of my success? I am so proud of myself, I love the way i'm looking and the success that I am having. Initially I know that it started with, "it's Friday I get to eat what I want" but typically it doesn't go all weekend. Saturday I had a blast, spent the day with mom, went out Saturday. Went merangue/salsa dancing. I LOVED it. I discovered though that my social skills aren't the best in that situation. I need to work on that, so I guess I need to get out and practice a bit more. For whatever reason I have an inherant feeling as if i'm fooling everyone and secretly i'm not good enough to deserve certain things in life. Almost as if people don't really know what they are getting into with me. The more I think about it though the more I think that it's my way of blocking myself against rejection. Push myself away, make myself unavailable so I don't have to go through the discomfort of getting to know someone else, and not giving them a chance to ditch me. Geeze I suck, I know that if that is the case I will miss out on alot of good things and that is not something that I want. I want to be able to be myself with people without worrying what they think, like somehow I will get down a few knotches on their friend ladder. How ignorant is that? I also want someone to love me no matter what. I want that now...before and even sometimes now i'm really not sure. I don't know if it is worth it, don't know if loving someone is worth the aches and pains that I know it will bring. I don't know if it is worth dealing with their behaviors that drive you nuts. Living alone is great, I do what I want how I want. I don't have to worry about someone else. So I have two sides war-ing. I don't know which one will win out. I have never known what a productive relationship is like, never saw it growing up. Relationship=bad, mess up your life, yet I know that it must be amazing to have someone love you, no matter what, the good and the bad. I know that one day (in the distant future) I want a family, want to do the family thing, but I don't know how to get there. Basically i'm really jacked up. But I will not sabatogue my success, my weighloss is for me. I am doing this for me not for other people to like me better.

So I started at 219 and am now down to 166 *horray* but for whatever reason my confidence level has never been all that high, and as for social skills with people I don't know forget about it. Well tonight I went salsa/merangue dancing and danced with SEVERAL attractive guys, and I was good! (so they say) I would have never had the confidence to go out and give it a shot before now. So that's my first official NSV. It may be superficial but it was so much fun, and good excersize!

Jack you're making me hungry! Haha King of puns eh? Keep em coming. Thanks guys

In a heartbeat

Count me in!

I do absolutely great all day long when i'm at work, but i have realized that when I get home and get in front of my TV my body is automatically trained to eat. So I start craving food and go after it. Now I LOVE my tv time and am not willing to give it up but I know i have to replace my eating with something else. Any ideas? In the meanwhile I think i'm giong to go trash alot of food so I don't binge (on my 100 calorie snack packs). What else should I do to get out of the habit of eating when i'm in front of the TV. Any ideas? Anyone with a similar problem? Thanks!

What are the general consensus on this? I am afraid to do weight training, or sit ups because i'm afraid it will mess up the band. Is this just a myth? What do you know about the topic? Thanks!

This is true...I have a gym in the apartments not 1 minute downstairs and it has a TV in it, it's just a matter of making myself get up and do it.

Great ideas guys! I kinda want a puppy now...aww

You Go Girl!

Thank you guys for your support and your ideas. It was in the morning and freaked out. 2 days ago I had a stomach bug but felt fine the day after then last night I started thinking I had hurt something. Nothing happened today but I will call the doc if it happens again. It is really nice to know that it is not an isolated incident and i'm the only one it's happened to. I'll tell you what gas pain is alot different after the band. Thanks again, I can't tell you how much it means to me!

Thanks guys. It was SO BAD while it was happening but now that it is over (and daylight has come so to speak) i don't know whether to call the doc or just hope that it doesn't happen again. It was BIZARRE and horrible that it hurt so bad.

Linda, that might be part of my problem. I have TIVO maybe i'll utilize it a bit more. Cassie, you are SO RIGHT about making it an event. It is the highlight of my afternoon to be perfectly honest. I have convinced myself and have made it my way of unwinding from work every day. Thanks!

Both of those are GREAT ideas. I used to know how to needlepoint when I was VERY young. Maybe I could do something like that, or fill up on tuna. I haven't tried the dressing in it, i'll have to do that. Thanks! Any more suggestions?

That is FANTASTIC! keep it up

My recovery was fantastic, woke up did the routine and went home. I never needed a pain pill and never really had any problems, didn't have to work because it was Thanksgiving weekend so it all worked out really well.

So last night I was up all night absolutely sick to my stomach. It was horrible, but last night I found that no matter how much I needed to I could not actually vomit. I dry heaved a few times and then it finally stopped. Kinda concerned about that, haven't eaten today but has anyone else found that out. Is it because the hole is so small that food can't go back up into the pouch?

Haven't heard about ginger, or the BRAT diet...THANKS! I know what you mean about teaching though. We started back last Tuesday and i've got kids complaining already, i've had an incident already but it's really not that bad.

barium swallow under floroscopy is what showed mine (very minimal no intervention required)

Nice to know i'm not a rare case. I need to get a prescript for Phenegrin just in case...don't know if the doc would do it on a proactive request though.

End of november, i've lost 47 and still have about 20 to go for me to be where I want to be 140's

It is, last night I could control my heaving (eww I know) but if it got really bad i'd call my emergency number the doc gave me and they can give you a prescription that is supposed to stop you from vomitting. Supposedly

Oh i'm right there with you, only it can go on for 30 min or more sometimes. I haven't told anyone about the band but it's practically given itself away with the weightloss and the odd noises. It's HORRIBLE in a funny kind of way.

Nice thread. I was banded right before Thanksgiving. I have lost 49 lbs and have 17 more to go. I am VERY confident that I will be at goal before my one year mark. I absolutely love the band (though I fought it at first) and am very greatful that I have come as far as I have. I would do it again in a heart beat.

I think I might have had a bit of food poisoning, however it was SEVERAL hours after I had eaten.