challenge_accepted_tjh

I have "looked into" bariatric surgery for YEARS! Even once being deemed not eligible for it. 
About every few years I would go sit through a seminar or a first appointment come home with the pamphlets, the papers, the folders.... THEN gain another 50 pounds and wash. repeat. rinse. 
I AM SICK OF THE CYCLE
the last time I looked into it I got into a verbal disagreement with a doctor (won't name names) it was more my fault then his... I am a stubborn @$$ sometimes and I pity the poor surgeon/clinic that has to deal with me. I try not to be difficult, I am polite but, I am a handful with questions and opinions and things I have read online!!! SO last time I looked into it 2018 - I was at 375, I visited the doctor who explained how much work weight loss surgery was. I said "phew, I dunno I think I will just do the liquid diets, restricting solids and post op diet and forego the surgery. He said I am telling you if you could of done it by now you would of. I took that as a challenge gathered my things and said "your a surgeon of course you would say that" I marched out of there in blind pride. I Joined Over-eaters anonymous, I joined Jazzercise, I hired a dietitian and started therapy. Basically weight loss surgery minus the scalpel. I thought I had things FIGURED out - I lost about 20 pounds then started convincing myself that I deserved breaks, that these people at over-eaters anonymous were crazy and the pressure was too much for me,  I started avoiding Jazzercise well because of course i felt like the new instructor was judging me...  (eye roll) Gosh the devil works in mysterious ways! Then I fired my therapist because she insisted on exploring something from my past which I considered pretty much off limits and she kept pushing about it... then my dietitian passed away from cancer. I was devastated and depressed and still paying for jazzercise.  Then I got really sick one day and went to the ER, turns out I had a stomach flu but, they could not tell what was wrong with me. While I was there I learned I had gained 30 pounds -  I was dehydrated and they could not get an IV anywhere, they did a couple scans and nothing really came back. I visited my PCP and apparently they had found an umbilical hernia. He told me that at my weight it can be very dangerous, he said be careful what you lift, etc. because if it were to burst or tear or get severed you could go into sepsis, I'm not a nurse or doctor so this is just my understanding. I still have this - he said the only thing besides surgery that would make it better is losing weight. I got frustrated and cried and told him I HAVE TRIED! I CANT DO IT! he turned around and looked at me and said " Girl, your daughter beat cancer at the age of 2, you were a big part of that - you found it in you to do things no mother should have to, you can do this you just need to be at a point (and soon) where you will do whatever you have to for your life!" I will never forget that moment. I realized the surgery is what needs to happen - I need to stop thinking that I can do this all on my own and I am better than surgery. And God moves mountains when you are willing to face fear in the face in order to change your life. SO HERE I AM - challenge accepted! Originally that name was chosen after my visit the last surgeon and I was saying challenge accepted to lose weight with out surgery but, I think the real challenge is losing weight with surgery! I have the "Cajones"!!!