JulieNYC

Yes, I have arm pics from before. As soon as I can take some afters, I'll post them side by side. Paulax, you might be my new favorite person! Wink.

Betty, I'm SO PROUD OF YOU for not putting off your fill again. Let us know how your restriction is over the next few days as you start back on solids. I'm really thinking about you hard! No more back burner for you. Good decision!

OK, so the first one is from several weeks ago, but within just a few lbs (as my weight never changes these days). The second one is day 4 post-op. You can see how there's really no more bulge on the thigh -- cool, huh! I haven't seen what I look like without the garment on. Several days until the stitches come out. Arm dressing will come off first and then I should have better pics of the arms at least! (Please don't feel like you have to force yourself to post too much encouragement for me -- I know we've got a long, long, long way to go until we see the final results here -- I just wanted yall to get the "picture" of all stages!)

Dawn, it's a date!! Jan 2009 in Disney World. I think "LosingJustMe" will probably be running it then too. Woohoo! Yes - awesome. In the meantime, your current 1/2 is going to go great. I'm so excited that you're running! Stick to the taper, ok, it'll help you for the race, even though you're going to want to run more....

Diane, you look amazing!!! WOohoo, way to go!

OK, so yesterday was ROUGH. My Dad can be an ass. He went to change the dressing on my thigh lift incision and there's this super sticky tape over it and taking it off really hurts (because it sticks to the incision and the stitches and that area is just really, really sensitive). So he starts pulling it off and I ask him to stop and let the pain catch up. He snaps at me -- "we'r3e only like 2% done" -- to which I say "I don't care how long it takes, please wait a second." He waits. I tell him, ok, he pulls off about the same amount (we're actually about 1/2 way done now, not 4%, FYI), maybe a little more, I ask him to stop again - AND HE REFUSES and just keeps on pulling! My stepmom is standing there next to me holding my arm (I'm standing, Dad's sitting on the couch, which puts him at my waist level). So I'm REALLY ANGRY at this point, but trying to just get through it. Next thing I know, I'm waking up on the sofa in a cold sweat. I PASSED OUT COLD from the pain. What an ass. I've never passed out in my life. I had major surgery == 5 hours worth of surgery == and didn't take the first narcotic out of the hospital. I have a very high tolerance for pain. If I ask you to add MAYBE 90 seconds to a very painful part of a long recovery, just humor me, dammit. I know one component of it was that he just wanted it to be over and he thought the pausing wouldn't help me (there was another component of him just being annoyed with me). And I know he wouldn't do that with any other patient. I'm going to keep my mouth shut for 4 more weeks until I get all these surgeries behind me, but then he's going to hear about this from me. Grrrr. All that said, the silver lining is that having the dressing changed is really great. A lot less bulk and I'm starting to feel human!

Woohoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's a FABULOUS milestone!!! Love it!

As long as you're eating enough Protein to maintain your lean body mass and enough fruits and veggies to get in the Vitamins and minerals you need, there's no such thing as losing too fast. My view, my surgeon's view and my PS's view is that you can't lose too fast as long as your nutritional needs are being met (can be done with about 800 cals if you make perfect food choices). Some medical professionals will tell you otherwise, but (for what it's worth) I disagree. Getting the weight off is what's healthy. Your skin will "catch up" to the extent it's going to at all, and that's the only worry, if your nutrition is being met. I'm with the others. Communicate to your doctor that it doesn't make sense to make you "lose" your will power in order to "deserve" a fill. Your weight loss should be commended, not punished.

I'm home until Thanksgiving weekend. Then I'm back in NYC for 4 weeks, then back down here for the THIRD AND FINAL PS phase on December 20th!! So exciting. Dad says the last surgery will be a breeze compared to this one. It'll be inner thighs, breast implants, and a very minor TT revision (mons lift and port replacement). Then that's IT, I'm DONE! WOOHOO!!! I'm pretty sure Dawn's talking about Disneyworld, not Disneyland because Disnewworld's 1/2 is in January. It's also supposed to be a very flat course, which is why I want to run it sometime -- easier to break personal records on a flat course. Plus, having Disney characters cheer you on at each mile marker must be a trip. I'm planning to do it in 2009. Betty, what are you thinking about your weight? Are you able to say that it's just a matter of getting a fill and you'll get it later this month, or is there more to it than that? I guess I'm just a little nervous for you. There was a time last month when I was training hard and I went from 148 to 161 from all the carbs/high point in my cycle. It only lasted a couple of days (and came back down to 152 with no effort, which is kind of a set point for me), but I was completely freaked out. I guess you're getting your fill this week, actually, so there's nothing to worry about, right? Boo, if running hurts, don't do it. No pain, no gain when pushing through a running plateau, but not when pushing through a disc injury. Do you see a sports med doc? I'm thinking we might actually be athletes who deserve specialized docs at this point. Ha!

Ahh, MAJOR improvements on all fronts today! First of all, I not only brushed my own hair today, but I washed it and flat ironed it too! Almost full range of motion back in the arms. I'm feeling really good and in almost no pain. I must say, the pain of the thigh lift/arm lift is NOTHING like the TT. If TT was a 6, this is like a 2. Very mild. And more importantly, I WON THE WAR OF THE BREAST IMPLANTS TODAY!! Woohoo! You have no idea how happy I am about that. I had some quality time with Dad today and he asked me what I saw as the final steps in my PS and we talked it through pretty well. We'll do breast implants, inner thighs and scar revision on the stomach (which means mons lift and small revision of the lower stomach) on December 20th, IF and only IF my blood counts are "back above 38." Apparently they were 41 and are down to 32 from this surgery. He's not sure they'll get back to 38 in 6 weeks. I bet they will. I'm so ready to be done! And I'm SO SO SO glad he listened to what I want and isn't going to make me wait a year for breast implants! I'm starting to see the light at the end of this tunnel! Speaking of the light, I'm not going to lose any more weight. I've been looking at pictures of myself and I don't need to be any thinner. If that means I register as "overweight" on some chart, well then so be it. I'm not overweight. If anything, I'm on the too thin side, even at 140-something and 5'2. No more weight loss for me. Once the Fluid gets off me from surgery, I'm going to weigh and whatever my final weight is, that's what it is, and I'm going to change my ticker. So awesome!

Hi all! I'm back up and "running" -- ok, not running, but moving in any event. This surgery was hard, but I turned the corner quickly. The marathon was phenomenal. Really -- the experience of a lifetime. I can't wait to do it again. Boo, I hope you're mending from your fall and that the fires are under control (we get no info here in lower Alabama). Betty, how is your family this week? Dawn, YES, we'll find a race to do together and I want to do the Disney sometime too, though, like you, it won't be this year. Well, I'm tired again, so back I go to nap....

Way to go!!! Woohoo! Yea, goal!

Yep. I'm sticking to my prediction of a FOUR not a six. Wink.

Mizboo, Oh YES, there was a time when I was certain I'd done the wrong thing in having the TT. I remember thinking "how could I have been so vain?" For me, it only lasted about 72 hours. Then the results were starting to show and excitement took over. Even with this last PS (thigh lift/arm lift) I had about 36 hours of "what in the hell have I done?" That's passed now. Boredom has officially set in....

I can't brush my hair. I can do just about anything else, but I have long hair and I can't fully extend my arm like that. Other than that, I get around pretty well. Better than I thought I would. The hair brushing is really the only grooming task I can't take care of on my own. The compression garments aren't so awful. Not showering is awful, but let's not talk about that just now, ok? I have soooo long to go until I can shower!

The marathon was AMAZING. I can't even begin to express to you how incredible it was. I ran the first couple of miles with my SIL and my friend Carrie, but we got separated in the crowd and I really just wanted to RUN, so I ran most of the way by myself. Running across the 59th street bridge into Manhattan at mile 16 was so incredible. 2 million people cheering me on at an athletic event was so wild. I still can't believe I was a part of that! So, mile 19-20 was the hardest part for me. Once I got to 20, I knew 26 really wasn't so far off. There really wasn't a point in the race where I thought I might not finish. I felt strong and fit throughout, and I ran negative splits (meaning, I got faster with each 5K -- usually you get slower because you're more tired, but I was feeling great). I finished in 4:23, which is exactly a 10:00 minute per mile pace. And I feel like I could have run faster! The worst part was after the finish -- they kind of corralled us off where we couldn't move (I'm a touch claustrophobic) and I couldn't get to where I was supposed to meet my family. It was a big mess, but we finally made it home. My silly brother had the nerve to say to me and to his wife who'd also run about how tired he was from all the walking (having changed our meeting place by about 5 blocks). I was like, you've GOT to be kidding me! My Dad, who never expresses any emotion, sent me the most lovely email about how it would be one of the things he remembered in his old age -- seeing me running with full strength toward the finish line. It's such a metaphor for me right now -- running toward that finish line. Anyway, thank you all again for your support. This journey has been amazing. Just when I start to feel badly about the new scars on my body from my brachioplasty. I remember it's just a small mark of this journey and that, as hard as it is, I wouldn't trade it.

So, my stepmom says to me twice last night "you know, your Dad wasn't as happy with the results this time as he was with your abdominoplasty." What in the hell am I supposed to do with that? What does that mean? I mean, my TT results were extraordinarly good, so maybe it just means that. Or maybe there's a problem they aren't telling me about. Very frustrating. Dad's not home, so I can't ask him directly. Believe me, I will. Grrr. Sometimes being "in-house" has its downsides. Like, I'd totally go for a walk right now if I were alone. I'm antsy and just want to move a little, but they won't "let" me. Grrr.

Well, I'm home. The full details will probably come in a later message, but I'm home and reasonably functional. The first 36 hours were quite bad, but I think I've turned the corner. I have no clue about the results yet -- I'm very swollen and can't tell a thing except that the arm scars look pretty frightening. I know, I know, it's just day 2 post-op. It's weird not being able to sit. I can stand (as I am now, typing this message) and I can lay down (which is less comfy than standing, mostly because it hurts my back) but no sitting for 2 weeks! That's hard on the band itself because I don't know if you've ever tried to eat laying down, but it does not go well with the band. So I've been eating mushies and liquids. Solids are not my friend. The pain isn't too bad. The arms hurt worse than the legs. I have 4 drains on the legs. Had 2 in the arms, but not sure if they're still there or not -- they were "pinrose" drains not full drains, so I can't see them if they are there. I'm out of steam. Will check in later.

Hey yall! I went from the marathon straight into TRIAL (I'm a lawyer for those who don't know me) and I'm insanely overwhelmed. I leave tomorrow for PS. Anyway, marathon was GREAT and I can't wait to fill you all in. I should have more time tonight -- trial will be over in a few hours and I'm counting the hours to PS! Woohoo! Thank you all SO MUCH for following my marathon! Your support warms my heart!

This is a hard post for me to write. I find myself in what I know is the beginning of an unhealthy pattern. It's only been going on for a couple of weeks but I thought I'd better talk about it here and try and put the pattern to rest. As I've been pretty honest about all throughout this journey, I'm a binge eater. The band controls my binge desires about 80% of the time, I control another 10%, and 10% of the time the binge still wins. This is usually about 3 binges a month. And, thanks to the band, the quantity of the binge is nothing like pre-band. And, all in all, I still lose weight, as my exercise is solid and my binges are no longer 5,000 calories (they might be 1,000). Then again, some of you may recall the "great airport binge of June 2007" where I ate 8 or 9 bags of skittles between flights. It's a process, this recovery. Anyway, when I binge, it's as if something else comes over me and it's not really fully me making my food choices. Or, at least, I'm not consciously, deliberately eating like I do when I prepare a healthy meal. I feel the binge coming on -- physically feel it, then at some point, I've given into it and don't even really fully realize I have, and I've gone to the store and eaten skittles, or chips or ice cream, or whatever it is -- it's all very rushed. I'm usually 3/4 of the way through the container before I kind of "wake up" and come back to a full realization of what I'm doing. Until recently, I would still finish the binge (i.e. the container of ice cream, etc.), even once I'd "woken up." Recently, I've been able to stop the binge much earlier. About 2 weeks ago, I "woke up" in the middle of a Twix bar and I spat it out. I realized I was mid-binge and didn't want that crap in my body! That happened a couple more times -- where I wasn't really consciously eating something, then I became conscious of it and I spat it out and threw away the rest (I'm always alone in a binge, if you were wondering). Two days ago, I would have said this was progress -- that it was a step toward never going into that unconscious state where I binge for emotional reasons. And that it was a step toward not binging at all. Then yesterday, I spat food out deliberately -- I ate 3 Cookies in rapid succession knowing full well before I put them in my mouth that I intended to spit them out. I even did a calorie count (knowing that it's not calorie free to masticate). Then I did it again today (with Skittles) and I figured I'd better come write about it before it becomes a real problem. The last thing I want is to go through all of this that I've gone through over the last 18 months and substitute one eating disorder for another. I've never had the desire to do this with healthy, good food choices. I don't have the desire to be much thinner than I am. I just want the release that I get from chewing crap food. I don't know what that's about or why I get a release from it, but I do. Confession over, and yes, I promise to discuss it at length with my therapist. Take care,

I buy the whipped kind (or put it in the blender) and eat it a huge dollop in tomato soup or with marinara sauce. It's one of my favorite meals. YUM!

I remember having that feeling early on too. It took me about 3 months to figure out how LITTLE we really need to eat at a time. Once I started measuring food and really eating only 1/2 cup at a time, I had no more discomfort (it took a couple of days for the irritation to subside). This might not be your issue at all, but I thought I'd share in case it is. It's uncanny how little food it takes to be satisfied and you'll feel so much better when you stay under the discomfort level.

THIS would be a valid, clinical reason, if it were the one my Dad were offering. It would be a reason I would take seriously. We've discussed this and he doesn't think it's going to have an impact on me because we're not doing lipo -- only skin removal, and because I've already had a breast lift, so there's no pure fat in my breasts -- only breast tissue, meaning my breasts are kind of like an area that has been lipoed. That said, I'm starting to come around to the idea of waiting. I was really just mad at the control issue -- the fact that he was controlling me without listening to me (or I felt that way). I'm trying to take a step back. Irrespective, I'm going forward on Nov. 8th with the thighs and arms. I can revisit the breasts before the Dec. 20th surgery if I want to. Excellent question. I get nowhere with him on questions like that. The man is a top notch surgeon and a good father. I guess there are just minuses to mixing the two. (Of course there are plusses too -- $$$) Anyway, I'm putting it on the back burner for now and getting through my marathon on Sunday. YEA!

You look gorgeous and I can't wait to see the results! Woohoo!

Thanks to all for your support and kind words. I talked to my therapist at length about it today and I'm feeling a little better. He (who, BTW, specializes in eating disorders) thinks we can use it as a step to not binging at all, whether it arose as a step toward that or not. I'm going to be really accountable to myself, my therapist, and this thread, but I'm feeling the tide turn. I have a lot going on right now (the marathon on Sunday, major surgery on Thursday, incredible work stress) and I really expect things to calm down within the week. As my therapist said, I've always used food to cope with stress -- I don't know why I expected it to magically be different. I am strong and healthy. This is not going to get me.