JulieNYC

Pat, Congratulations. That's just awesome!

I only have to live with them for SIXTEEN more days. WOOOOOHOOOO! Tracy, you made my day. My BF broke up with me on Friday and now all I care about is obessing about getting this damned surgery behind me. Gives me something to obsess about other than him, which is helpful. Gotta tell you all though, this stage is not a bed of roses. I'm having pretty radical emotional swings with food. On the one hand, I've been told to not lose more weight prior to the surgery and I want to be a compliant patient. On the other hand, I still feel fat and it feels good (emotionally) to eat very little. I'm hoping the surgery will let me see the thin person that I am. If not, I'm going to work very hard to not trade one eating disorder (compulsive overeating) for another (struggling to force myself to eat enough to maintain).

Dawn, CONGRATULATIONS on the -200 milestone. That's so amazing. I hope you can see that anything else is just gravy. Don't you remember at the start of this journey how long of a road -200 seemed? I remember thinking "why bother" that's such a long road. Our bands are a great thing. Boo, I don't think it's a stress fracture. I broke the ankle in 4th grade, reinjured it when I was about 26, and it's just one of those problem areas for me. I've been running on it and it doesn't get any worse. I can get it totally pain free with ice and advil. It's going to be FINE for the marathon -- I'm sure of it. On a personal front, I had gotten reasonably serious with a great guy (I'd only mentioned in in passing because I'm so new to this) and he called things off kind of out of the blue last Friday. So, this is my first post-band breakup. And my first breakup in like 15 years. So I'm struggling with sadness and, worst of all, with food. I'm having bad food issues -- swinging between wanting to binge and wanting to eat literally nothing. Either end of the spectrum seems to patch the emotional holes. Weird how that's the case. I'm working on it. I recognize it has little to do with him and everything to do with how I cope with life stress.

Ankle still bad. Taking advil and icing it. Not going to un until Sunday, if then. Worried.

Mariposa, I had exactly the opposite experience. I began my lap band journey thinking if I could just get in a 14, I'd never ask for anything more. Heck, if I could just get under 200, I'd never ask for anything more. When I got to a size 8, I re-evaluated because if I was honest with myself, I was still fat. Size 8 (around 165 for my body) is still both clinically and observationally fat on me. Even at 148, though I wouldn't call myself fat anymore, I'm certainly not too thin! Body types do vary. I make this post because I think it's important for those still early in the journey to know that it's perfectly possible to achieve a clinically normal (i.e. by the charts) BMI with the lap band. Even for us tiny folk who are only 5'2, where the supposed max normal BMI puts us at 136. That said, there's nothing wrong with setting your goal higher or lower than a chart -- I'm completely with you on that! Take care,

Betty, I'm so sorry about your DIL's father. Cancer really isn't a reflection on the aging process, so don't let that get you down, ok? I'm relieved that his fight is finally over and that your family can begin the process of remembering the good times with him. That's always a comfort when enough time passes to remember the good times without that flash of pain. I'm nursing a bit of an ankle injury. It's an old break from 4th grade, but it's been aching since my 22 miles on Sat. So I'm sitting here with ice on it as a precaution. I'm just going to be careful for a couple of days -- maybe skip a couple of short runs and rest more. I keep telling myself this is going to be FINE.

Losing, I promise you, I went through that stage. Exactly what you're talking about. It was, proportionately at the same time too. I was at 200 lbs (but I'm short and my goal is 136, so that's not so far from your 270/180 split). The only thing I can tell you is IT PASSES. One day you'll wake up and losing weight will be more important than the junk again. For me it took about 6 weeks. I was able to maintain during that time, but I didn't lose a thing. In hind sight, that was ok. Normally, that'd have been where I shot up 50 lbs in the blink of an eye. IT PASSES. Hang in there. Don't let yourself gain and focus on your exercise. Beating yourself up leads to more junk food as consolation, so don't do it. Can you set a goal for yourself that's much further out? Like give yourself 3 months to lose the next 25 lbs. Then take the next month off and just focus on your exercise. Maybe even double your exercise and leave the food the same. Before you know it, you'll want to take off those lbs so your running will be more efficient. This is just part of the process. You are not going to get stuck here permanently. Really -- I remember a time when I thought I was going to eat 800 cals of Skittles every day and never stop. I stopped. One day, I'd had enough Skittles. Hang in there!

A comment on the drain thing. I had 4 drains and 3 different experiences with them coming out. 2 of the four were a 0/10 on the pain scale. Felt totally weird to have something pulled out of me like that, but didn't even register on the pain scale. The third one hurt like nobody's business. Like a 9/10 -- thought I would pass out kind of pain. Luckily, it was only for like 3 seconds and it was over. I just didn't expect it! I think it has to do with whether things have dried up there in the tubing (which is probably a good thing). The fourth one, Dad shot me up with numbing meds because #3 had hurt so much. The numbing meds didn't really help a lot -- took it down to maybe a 5/10. But, ahh, then the freedom of having no drains was totally worth that 5/10! Diane, you'll be fine. Even if it hurts, it's VERY quick. Akin to the quickness of a bandaid coming off, or having something waxed.

I'm 5 1 1/2 (don't forget the 1/2"!). At 358, I was a 28. At 195, pre TT, I was a 16. At 148, pre thigh lift, I'm a 6P. I'm looking to be a 2P or a 4P post thigh lift and to stay there for life!

Losing, I know you're being funny, but, yes, you're eligible. 90 lbs left when you're over half way there is absolutely "almost there." You rock, girlfriend!

Yep! I'm 5'1 1/2" but I claim 5'2 because I round up in height, down in weight (wink). I've always weighed more than my clothing size would reflect. Even at 358 I never outgrew Lane Bryant, for example. I remember in 7th grade getting down to 135 and being a size 3 in junior's. At 148, I'm a 6P or sometimes a 4P -- never an 8. Now, sizes are definitely cut bigger these days, so I'm not claiming to be skinny, but it is weird that I weigh so much for my size. I guess it's partially because I have an athleti build (did I really just say that??!?) and partially just having extra bone and muscle from being so heavy.

Thanks for the kind words gilrygilz. I definitely want "natural" boobs, in terms of size, but I haven't posted pics in the last 15 lbs or so. My breasts have really deflated. If they'd stayed where they were in the last pic, I'd have been thrilled. Anyway, implants aren't a certainty. There's a good chance I'll gain some in the right areas when my marathon is over. We'll see. Dad said we can't really consider it until Spring anyway, to give my body a chance to rebound from the thigh surgeries. That's fine with me. I hope I decide NOT to get them, actually. But if I need them, I'll get them.

Oh my gosh, Diane, you look FABULOUS!!!!!

Well, Boo, why AREN'T you a marathon runner? Now if it's just not a goal you have, that's totally acceptable. Not everyone wants that. But if you think you CAN'T do it, that's just not true. Anyone who can run 3 miles can do a beginner marathon training program. Having just finished mine on Saturday, I can tell you, it's just not that hard. 12 weeks ago, I thought 5 miles was like the longest run ever -- now I run 22 and crave more! Anyway, you're definitely doing the right thing healing between runs, given your injury. What happened to you, exactly, to get injured? Is there a local runners' club you can join? They usually have pace groups that do long runs on the weekends, so you know you'll have people that run truly at your speed. Again, I have the opposite problem from you (in that I'm the slow one in any given group). As for me, I'm gaga over this new guy and it's all I can think about. Not too healthy as it's only been a week. Trying to stay calm and not act 15. It's fun though! :Banane35:

Ghost and I are the same height. I weigh 148 and am a consistent size 6P, even in pants (and even a 4 on top sometimes). To be 111 I'd have to shop in the kids' department. I went to the PCP this morning for my pre-op bloodwork and she said to ignore the charts and not go below the 130s. I think she's right. Audree, WOOHOO 7 lbs to go! Congratulations!

I think it's about 50/50. I feel like I really need and want it, but from what I've ready, it's not a given that everyone needs it.

Believe me Boo, the opposite problem (which I have) is no fun either! I've been looking at breast implants. Not for the immediate future, but for once my body settles if my B-cups get any smaller! How's your running? I don't feel like I have a grasp on your running/injuries, etc. I feel out of touch and I don't like it!

There is no visible scarring around the nipples. Since the skin changes color there anyway (from breast to areola), you would really never know there'd been an incision there. Now, they don't look exactly like they did before, but it's just different in appearance -- not really a scar. I lost about 15% sensation and I was GLAD about it. My nipples were too sensitive for my tastes. Now they're perfect. Responsive but not painfully so. Dad says most people (like 70% I think was his number) don't lose any sensation at all. Only about 10% have a major loss (if I recall correctly). I'm doing my outer thighs and butt on November 8th, along with arms. I'm doing my inner thighs, mons lift, very minor lower TT revision and port replacement on December 20th. Dad's still thinking it all through, but that's the tentative plan. I'm not worried about loss of sensation from the thighs, in terms of affecting sexual sensation. I've never heard of that happening. But I'll let you know how the recovery is, as I go through it. Thanks for your kind words, Enterprise. Posting nearly naked pics on the internet is not an easy thing to do, but I do believe it's important to this community to see as close to the truth as possible, even at the end stage like PS. In that regard, I'm looking forward to sharing my lower body journey as well. 26 days!! Woohoo!!!

I'm sooooooo with you, Dawn. Maintenance? How boring. Where are the rewards? Where are the compliments? Where is the satisfaction that comes from watching the scale go down (or even the disappointment of when it doesn't -- it's still an extreme emotion, which must be what I'm looking for). Hmmm. Maybe I'm onto something. Maybe I can still get weekly (or, eventually monthly) rewards for myself for maintaining within a certain weight range. That might work as a transition. I hope, one day, weight won't be a central focus at all, but maybe there's a way to leave maintenance within the framework of weight loss, so that the shift is less of a shock.

Oh Boo. Mental hug for the 5 lbs. If you attack it right now, it should come back off easily. You know how it is -- when you gain, if you take it right off it comes off quickly, but if you let it stay on, you have to fight. I know you'll find the right balance in terms of your fill/medication. This is so hard. I hate maintenance. I don't understand it. I bought scrambled eggs and hashbrowns this morning -- guess my mind said "well, I'm not trying to lose weight so I can have this." Ate literally 2 bites and my body reminded me I have a band and that hashbrowns make it uncomfortable. I guess there's comfort in that!

Diane, I'm so glad you're feeling well and aren't in too much pain. Now be sure to take it easy. Moving around at this stage is one of the causes for developing seromas in week 2-3, so make yourself sit still when possible, ok? Wishing you a speedy recovery and can't wait to see the pics!

Got in 4 miles this morning. 5 tomorrow, then 22 this weekend. Funny how easy 4 or 5 miles is now. I'd actually rather run farther because I don't get the juice until mile 7 or 8. Anyway, I'm on track for Oct. so far....

Kareyquilts, On the scarring, it's just not possible to predict how well someone will scar. Most people have a very thin, white scar that, though perceptible, is very manageable and totally worth it to get rid of the pannus. I can promise you that even if I had keloid scarring (which, thankfully, I don't) I'd still have wanted the surgery. Getting rid of the pannus made me perceptibly a thin person instead of a fat person. I would never have gotten there without it - I have a severe amount of excess skin, having been 350+ and only 5'1 1/2. As to the numbness, that part's true. Almost everyone who has a TT is partially numb from the belly button to just above the pubic bone and it's a permanent loss. It's not complete numbness. I can feel my hand if I put it on my stomach, but it's a distant feeling. Like, it's not ticklish at all and I can barely feel someone touching it. If I have to get a shot, I'd want it in that 4 inch area (around the backside from my extended TT) because I really can't feel shots other than just a little pressure. Again, I knew this going into the surgery -- I can't imagine why your friend didn't! I thought it would be weird, but I'm totally used to it now. It was 100% worth it. As to the redistribution of fat, Dad says this is true too, but that it's worth it. I don't know from first hand experience yet, because I haven't had the thigh lift part, and that's a major component. The theory is this: fat cells divide and make new fat cells when we gain weight. On the contrary, fat cells don't ever go away from dieting, they just shrink. So as formerly MO people, we have lots and lots of shrunken fat cells all over our bodies. So, when we have our stomach and thighs "lopped off" (for lack of a more delicate phrase), that leaves fat cells in our arms and breasts. If we gain any weight at all, our arms and breasts will probably get bigger (filling out the existing fat cells) before our bodies will make new fat cells in other places (like the stomach and legs). The solution? Don't gain weight. Or, have your arms done too. Or, don't have extensive lipo with the skin removal in the LBL. I'm doing all of the above! These are issues to discuss with your PS. In my opinion they are not a reason to forego LBL. If you saw my legs and butt, you'd completely understand why I have no hesitation about the thigh lift (i.e. the second half of the LBL). They are really horrific in terms of excess skin. I'll post pre-op pics -- I just can't force myself to do it until I have the post-op pics to go along with them. It's too depressing. I know that when you look at my post-op TT pics (that intentionally crop out my thighs), it's hard to imagine (my Dad did such a good job -- thank you Dad), but my legs are really, really bad. It throws everything off and is super depressing to think about. I can't wait for November 8th.

I had an experience just like that -- I think it's part of the journey. Before banding, I tried to stay invisible and though I remember times when strangers said something about my weight, they don't sting as badly as the times post-banding. Pre-band, for example, on my FIRST day at work at a new job, walking down Madison Ave. with my new colleagues, some guy oinked at me. Fast forward two years, post-band and down 60 pounds -- also on Madison Ave. -- I was feeling great in a new black skirt and listening to my ipod on a gorgeous day. Some guy was apparently trying to get around me on the sidewalk on a busy Friday afternoon and exclaimed "you're just so BIG that I can't pass." The oinking was so much worse socially (not that #2 wins any manners prizes), but the latter stays with me much more and I know it's because I was feeling GOOD about myself when it happened. The fall from grace was further, if that makes sense. Strangely, when I was at about 160 some guy on the street called me "fattie." That one, I just laughed at. Really -- it doesn't hurt at all to think about that one. I relly think he was just trying to get my attention or something because that's just ridiculous. I tell you the story to just prove to you that people are ridiculous and their comments have little to do with you and everything to do with them. Crazy.

Boo, I'm glad you had such a strong run. Those feel soooo good. Onto my mental health. I guess I had pinned a lot on having these two surgeries in calendar year 2007 and being done with PS. I don't think I have unrealistic expectations about what PS can do for me, meaning that I'm not looking to be a swimsuit model, but I am looking to not have to wear a compression garment every day of my life in order to put on work clothes. My legs are just worse off than I thought they'd be. I thought with the marathon training, they'd be in the best possible shape -- and they are -- there's just so much loose skin. Dad thinks it'll take 3 surgeries to get rid of it. He thinks the first one (outers) will take off most of the volume, but that the inners are definitely a second procedure, and that there will probably be a second inner surgery to fix the dog ears that he expects I'll get around my knees. I guess that's the part that bothers me -- dog ears around the knees must be REALLY visible. Like, I feel right now that nothing is really that visible in clothes and I'll be making it a little worse to get to the stage where I can make it a lot better. I don't know -- my head is all over the place. My head is also all over the place in that he told me to not lose any more weight before surgery. He thinks it won't give me a better result to be any thinner going into it and that it's better to let my body settle at this weight and be stable going into surgery. That's really hard for me! I know how to lose weight. My body is still big when I look in the mirror -- it is illogical to my brain to quit trying to lose weight. I know the "bigness" is because of the extra skin that I see, but it's still illogical. 148 lbs is really heavy for a small woman who is only 5'1 1/2". Just when I think I'm developing some kind of backwards eating disorder (backwards from my compulsive eating, I mean), it occurs to me that 148 lbs is, objectively, still large for my frame. Anyway, those are the struggles of the day....