So after a month of waiting I had my first consultation with the surgeon. He seemed great, listened to me, let me know ESG isn't covered by my insurance so we're going with surgical VSG. He said that I probably only have to do one appointment with the dietician and then the psych eval, cardio/upper GI exam and weight class/exam. After we got off of our call I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. It just felt real finally and I had those intense moments of food grief and then imagined a nightmare scenario where my fiance leaves me because I can't drink and eat him under the table anymore. But then he was very supportive tonight after watching some more videos about VSG with me, and I found a YouTuber I really connected with who is three years post op and I felt a lot better. And now I'm just overjoyed that it looks like it might truly happen for me. I've lost 80 pounds once on my own, and 40 pounds too. The struggle is so exhausting and then you just put the weight all back on again as soon as you put your guard down for what feels like a couple months. I can't wait to have another tool in my weight loss toolbox.