Kam1177

Hi, I'm Kam. I'm new and considering weight loss surgery. I have some negative thoughts about it, however. I see it as a (please don't take this personally, this is me being honest about what I'm going through) "failure," giving up, giving in, I couldn't do it on my own, easy way out, etc. I know, I knoooow how that sounds. Also, I've been struggling with weight my entire life, childhood trauma, abuse, neglect, shitty life, using food as a coping mechanism, 200lbs by middle school, blah, blah, blah. And so I think I'll prob just regain. Plus my insurance doesn't cover it so I think it'll be a waste of money. Just a lot of... less than wonderful thoughts. But then there is a part of me that is excited beyond belief. That has never had a slim body and wants exercise and life to be easier. Who is excited to try rock climbing and horseback riding and canoeing and pole dancing and barre and wants to do a half marathon and triathalon and hike and for it to be fun and challenging instead of another shitty, not fun hurdle. I'm already in therapy, but only recently have allowed myself to consider weight loss surgery, so haven't discussed it with her yet. I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking. Did any of you experience these feelings? How did you get through it? As I type it feels like I'm asking for permission finally give in, to get help with my weight struggles and not just tough it out and make this work alone. Permission to forgive myself for not being strong enough to fix this on my own. Idk. Compassion and reassurance that it's ok that I tried and failed so many times and it's not bad to do something different. Tears are streaming down my face at this point. This hasn't been the happiest post but something inside me tells me I'm ready to try something new. That losing the weight quickly initially so I gain access to the life I've always wanted, might be the boost I need to make a change because I really want so much more for my life. I'm ready for a change.

So, I've been researching this quite a bit and, after much thought, I began considering working with one of the reputable doctors in Tijuana (though I am still looking into a doctor in Alabama and one in Florida that can do it at lower cost). While I have the money to do it stateside, it would cause a significant delay to my upcoming plans, which include a move across the country, going back to school and purchasing a home. I reached out to one of the TJ doctors with great reviews and had the stark realization that I could have this surgery within a month or 2. They sent the preop diet info, the liquid diet info, a long medical history form to fill out. That scared me. It scared me with the idea of how soon my life could change. And in that moment, I realized, I'm not yet ready for the surgical path. I still want to try one more time on my own. I want to give it one more go. And in the event I really cannot do it on my own, I feel comforted by the fact that I am able to get help through bariatric surgery when I feel ready. I have options and that feels good. Moreover, another few months of savings will allow me to feel more comfortable spending a chunk of money. Anywho, thanks all for your responses to this thread. I'll def still be around, mostly lurking. Hopefully you don't hear back from me. But if you do, by that time I'll be ready. Ciao.

Wonderful! Congratulations!

Thank you! It will work out, it's just a matter of me making a decision and committing to it. Definitely working on the healing from trauma piece. It's a journey in itself lol. Well thanks for calling me young still lol. I definitely don't want to be struggling with this as I get older. And when you say taking vitamins it doesn't sound like a big deal at all. I need to be vigilant where I take advice from. Depending on the source they make it sound very negative. You're absolutely right. I'm 33 already taking a high blood pressure medication. And I take vitamins anyway. So nbd to take a few more. Anywho, I really do need to just make a decision and commit to it. Since my insurance doesn't cover it, I'll have to self pay. Which will take out a chunk of a down payment I was saving up for a new home. But I think this takes precedence. On the upside, doing self pay means I'd likely be able to get the surgery faster, but some of those preliminary steps insurance requires might actually be helpful for me. Hmm. Idk, but I'll def research surgeons and commit to scheduling a consult by the end of the week.

I hear you, I know we both are. I'm reading some of the challenges and they're a bit scary. I'm considering bypass and I didn't know I'd be on supplements the rest of my life. And the hair loss. Lol. But anything that helps will be worth it, I think. Wow. I hope you don't mind me asking. Since you were able to lose that before surgery, did you reconsider having the surgery? I think if I'm able to get on a good path and lose a bit on my own, I might keep on going on my own. Surgery just seems so drastic to me still. But again I've been doing this for so many years, it prob is time for that step.

Thanks. I know most of it is mental. I've told myself so much shitty stuff over the years regarding my weight it's a wonder I'm still here. I definitely want to get my thoughts and some new coping mechanisms in place before taking any steps. That's what has me considering it. The thought of finally having success, a win. The only times I've ever successfully lost more than a few pounds was when I became exercised obsessed in high school and when I was on an antidepressant that caused weight loss but also hallucinations. I just want to feel good in my body for once in this lifetime. Thank you. Browsing this forum is definitely helping me see it is a tool. I'm ready to work, but I just need help to get over the biggest hurdle. I have an extra 150lbs on me that from here feels insurmountable. Exactly. I'm in my early30s now and have been actively trying to lose weight for 25 years. 25 years out of 33. Maybe a little earlier. I just want... a reset. To have a chance to have a healthy body. Obesity is all I've ever known.

Wow thanks for the replies guys! I'm reading them all now.