Ashliza

I'm starting to think it's stupid for a lot of reasons. Because I'm not that big. By American standards I'm normal - size 12. I really don't have much to lose; like 41 pounds to be back in a 8. Because it's not like I can't lose weight; low carb, wholes foods and time, I can do it. I've done it; it just hasn't stuck. The problem is the minute I eat anything other than vegetables and chicken, the fat re-adheres to me. Because as I'm getting close to the date, I'm obsessively researching. The whole regain thing scares me. In my head, I'm cutting out the most of my stomach; how does the fat come back? I also don't have heart burn and cannot imagine doing this, to get that and still be fat later with bypass as the only option to fix it. I ended up doing consult for VSG because I pilled on so much weight after a serious trauma. I was 220. I was in the plus sizes and couldn't stop the gain; meds, stress, living out hotels with bi-weekly work travel made it worse. I ended up at 240 by the time I was approved in 2018. I was bigger than my mom and a blood test showed pre-diabetic. But, friends talked me out of it and I worked to get it off. In the last 2 years, I'm not where I used to be, but I'm not a 16 anymore either. At my BMI, I'm predicted to lose slower. If I'm just going to lose 5 lbs a month with this surgery; what's the point? That's less than 2lbs per week. It's a huge operation and if I'm just going to end up right back here, why bother? My weight loss on my own has stalled. It's the only reason I finally committed to a date in April since the clinic informed me in January I only had 4 months left of pre-authorization. I'm just really on the fence now. Maybe I should get used to this body and call it good. But I hate this body and I'm hoping the surgery will help keep the weight off, if I keep everything, but vegetables out my mouth. But maybe I should just put another 4k down on a trainer and do it that way again and keep my stomach intact. It's not like I won't get a trainer again once I'm cleared to exercise. I know it's a tool, but in all the research, the tool doesn't seem to be the answer. Hence the panic and me thinking it might be stupid for me to do this. Right for other people, maybe; me, I just don't know now.

I'm scheduled for VGS 5/19/2020. Anyone start to panic approaching their date? What did you do to calm it? Did you back out? Or did you go through with it and regret? Or were you happy you did it? I'm between just ignoring it and calling off my surgery. Every night I get closer, my sleep gets worse. Only thing stopping me from canceling is I've put this off for 2.5 years and I'm out of the 3 year approval window. I've literally rescheduled 3 times already since 2018. Only reason I can do it is COVID messed up the surgery date I had in April. If I back out now, I have to start all over again and I barley qualified the first time around. But I'm seriously wondering if this is the stupidest idea I've ever had and I should just let it go. It's not like I can't drop it. I just pile it back on. Maybe that's OK? I'm thinking, I'll keep the date and if I just can't, I can't. Better to march forward than to back out. I have 10 days. Anyone else freak out like this?