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This weekend, I had a very unusual and uncomfortable experience, but I imagine it's not that uncommon among those of us who have had bariatric surgery. My husband and I were taken out to dinner by a business associate of my husband's. There were six people at dinner and the gentleman who was buying is well known for his excessiveness. He ordered incredible amounts of food for the table, including appetizers, entrees, desserts and multiple bottles of wine. The dinner was a marathon, and I tried to keep up well enough, pacing myself and pushing food around on my plate, etc. However, when my husband got up to use the restroom, our "host" (who by then had had more than a few glasses of wine) started "food shaming" me...i.e. "What's wrong with you? Didn't you like your meal? Why aren't you eating? Don't you like dessert? Come on and drink more, like the rest of us!" and so on. It was awkward, uncomfortable, and totally unexpected, and I was caught off guard. Of course, now after the fact, I can think of many things to say in return, but I was completely embarrassed, especially since he had the attention of the entire table. All my life, I've been embarrassed and shamed for eating too much. Now I'm being shamed for eating too little. I thought about explaining afterward about my surgery, but it seems like such a personal thing to divulge to people I barely know. Anyone else have a similar experience?

One of the first questions that family and friends ask me now that I'm over 7 months' post-surgery is "How much have you lost?" I used to respond by giving them a number, but realized that the number didn't really didn't give them the whole picture. Instead, I now respond by telling them what I've lost...and what I've gained. I've lost my high blood pressure. I've lost my diabetes medication. I've lost my high risk of stroke. I've lost my high risk of heart disease. I've lost the pain in my knees, my legs, my ankles. But I've also gained a lot. I've gained new self-confidence. I've gained the ability to play tennis, ride a bike, ride a horse, go hiking in the woods, or ride on a roller-coaster. I've gained a new perspective on what it means to enjoy life (hint: it's not about how much food I can put in my mouth or how much beer I can drink on the weekends). I've gained self-respect. I've gained the joy of inspiring my children and my husband to live better. It took a while, but I've finally realized that it's not about the numbers or the dress size (although it is nice to see those go down ) It's more about the gift of Life that we have given ourselves. So how much have YOU lost? And what have you gained?

So true! I don't see it myself either and am always pleasantly surprised when someone says how "good" I look! Like you, I know I am smaller because I had to get rid of so many clothes and I buy smaller sizes now, but I don't "see" it on a daily basis when I look in the mirror--I just see me...lol

I agree with Lanie992. It's not the food or the calories that are concerning so much as the fact that the sutures are still healing and it is easy for any small bits of food to get caught in the staple lines and cause problems. It's so tough, I know, but try to stick to puree for now until your tummy heals some more. I, too. got really hungry a couple of weeks post-op so I feel you. Head hunger, tummy hunger--for me it didn't matter. I wanted to eat! I actually found slowly licking peanut butter on a spoon helped alleviate the cravings and my doctor was not opposed since it was a puree consistency and would not threaten the staples. Hang in there! It will be so worth it!

Maybe this info will be helpful to someone: So I was stuck at a plateau weight for a couple of weeks, and I was okay with it b/c I know it happens. But then I actually GAINED weight. In fact, I was feeling overall lousy, bloated and sluggish, with headaches and stomach discomfort. Frustrated, I called my bariatric team and they asked me to give them a run-down of what I was eating. I was drinking a protein shake every day for breakfast, sometimes another protein shake for lunch, and sugar-free pudding was my go-to snack. Long story short, turns out I am lactose intolerant, and the protein shakes I was drinking are made with milk protein, a/k/a lactose. What I thought was helping was actually sabotaging my efforts! I stopped drinking the shakes, cut out milk-based products and BOOM started losing weight immediately! I'm told that it is very common to develop a lactose intolerance after VGS surgery. Had no clue.

Oh yes...lactose can certainly have that effect. Which makes it inconvenient as heck b/c most pre-made shakes are heavy in lactose. Generally now I use protein powder (I like IsoPure, BioTrust and Purely Protein), and make my own shakes with either lactose free milk, oat milk or almond milk. Eggs don't bother me, (but I do know they bother some who are lactose intolerant). so I eat them a lot (egg beaters, because of the calories). When I did puree's, I actually ran chicken through the food processor with a little broth and it made a thick, high protein soup. It sounds gross but with a few spices it wasn't that bad I also had to give up cottage cheese and yogurt, although I did try almond milk based yogurt, but didn't care for it. Some people do like it though, so maybe it's worth a try for you. Peanut butter and almond butter are also a nice treat but the calories/fat can be a problem if you have too much, of course. Hope that helps a little. It's a challenge, for sure, but you got this! I've found that this whole process is full of ups and downs (and not just the weight either) but when I focus on the big picture and remember why I did this, it makes it all worthwhile!

Ah! Yep, I get it. I guess it cuts both ways. I've dealt with curiosity before, like, "don't you feel well? why aren't you eating?" And I've also dealt with the food police..."Should you be eating that?" "Does that really fit with your diet plan" etc. But this was the first time I dealt with out and out aggression, trying to force me to eat, literally ordering dessert for me when I said I didn't want any, and filling a glass with wine for me, after I said I didn't want that either, then basically making me feel like I was the jerk for not eating/drinking like everyone else. It was pretty bizarre. And the host is generous, but also extremely obnoxious and loud when he is drinking. It was the first time I had met him in person, so to me it seemed like extreme behavior, at best...lol

Really? What did you think it meant--maybe I used the wrong title?

I don't believe so, but I highly recommend an app called "Baritastic." It has an excellent food/nutrition tracker as well as an exercise tracker, water intake tracker (you can even set reminders to drink!) and progress tracker as well as some other bells & whistles. Great app and it's free!

I had my surgery 2/21/20. I am down from 253 to 198. Finally made it to "ONE-derland," a place I haven't been in a very long time! I should be thrilled and excited, but yet, I am depressed. Let's face it, this surgery requires a whole new lifestyle. I'm kind of feeling isolated. When everyone around me is eating and drinking, and having fun I feel left out. Drinking with friends was a big part of my life. Get togethers always centered around lots of food and drink. Now, even when I cook a nice dinner for my family, I can have a bite or two, while everyone else is enjoying platefuls of food. I didn't expect to feel this way. I guess I thought of all the positives but didn't really consider the negatives. Has anyone else felt left our out isolated? Anyone else miss their old lifestyle, even a little? Funny, I thought that losing weight would help me to "fit in" more, but now I feel like I "fit in" even less.

I am with you on this. I expected a much more swift and dramatic change. And now I'm stuck on a plateau that seems endless no matter what I do. I was given a bunch of malarkey about how this surgery would change my metabolism, and how the weight would come off at a rate of 2 -3 lbs a week. That hasn't happened. I've lost 55 lbs, but 14 of them came off before surgery, when they had me on a two week liquid diet. So, in reality, I've lost only 41 lbs since my surgery, with comes down to an average of less than 1.5 lbs a week. My metabolism hasn't changed and I fight for every pound lost, just like I've done all my life. If I ate 700 calories a day pre-surgery, I would have lost weight at the same rate, I'm sure. In the meantime, I feel that I've had to sacrifice so much, going through the pain and expense of surgery--I can't eat more than a few bites at a time, I can't drink water, I can't even take a pill without getting nauseous. I feel tired and sluggish all the time. Yet, my doctor keeps insisting that everything is just fine. I'm starting to wonder if this was all just a big mistake.

I am about 6 months post-surgery and have lost about 50 lbs. Unfortunately, a lot of that weight loss seems to be my hair!!! of course I'm being dramatic, but I am losing a SERIOUS amount of hair! Even my hair stylist (who saw me for the first time last week since my surgery) is astonished and upset by how my thick hair has now thinned so much! It is truly distressing. I am eating my protein and Biotin doesn't seem to be helping. I now hate to take showers because of the cascade of hair that is left behind. The hair that has managed to stay on my head is so brittle and delicate that all I need to do is look at it crooked and it splits and breaks! Ugh. Thinner, but bald. What a trade off. Any suggestions, solutions?

Yeah, I just wish my doctor would have forewarned me a little better. They told me if I didn't get my protein quota in every day, I would lose my hair, but they didn't tell me I would lose it regardless of how much protein I ate Oh well--can't say it would have changed my mind but at least I would have been more prepared for the inevitable.

So sorry to hear you are struggling with the weight loss. It is a constant battle, and I somehow thought once I had this surgery, the battle would be easier--but it's not. It's a struggle, always. How much more are you looking to lose? What is your diet like? What is your calorie intake on a daily basis? I may sound like a broken record on my posts, but I was stalled with my weight loss until I got lactose and dairy out of my diet. Since then my weight loss has been slow but steady. If you are doing everything right and the weight is not moving, it may be time for a blood test to see if there are any underlying thyroid or other metabolic issues going on.

So sorry to hear you're not feeling well! That bloating, and stuff is just such an awful feeling. I am a VGS person but when that starting happening to me, my dietician told me it might be the effect of a lactose intolerance that bariatric patients sometimes develop after surgery. Have you had milk products lately, like pudding or ice cream or cheese? I found out that even the protein drinks I was having every day are milk-based. Once I cut out the lactose, my symptoms improved immensely! Anyway, just a thought Hope you are feeling better soon!

I was in a stall for about 3 weeks, then gained about 2 lbs in a week and I called my bari team in near hysterics! Very discouraged. I was feeling awful, with stomach upset, gas, bloating, lethargy. All that has gone away since I cut out dairy--which admittedly has been hard, b/c cheese (esp. cottage cheese) and yogurt had been a big part of my eating plan.

Have you tried switching your diet to a carb-based diet with add'l fats added in? Considering your situation, maybe it's time to switch off of lean protein and go for more calorie-dense food. Also, there are nutritional drinks on the market designed to help people but on weight, and are very calorie dense and easy to tolerate if you have a problem holding onto solid food. I had a friend with a similar problem and it turned out that her thyroid was out of whack and she had to start taking medicine for overactive thyroid. I'm sure if you've been to other doctors, they have run blood tests but if not, that should be a priority. What you're going through sounds awful! Wishing you well and hoping you solve this problem very soon!

Wow, did your doctor give you approval for solid foods 3 -4 days after surgery??? I (and I believe most of us) was instructed to gradually increase intake from liquids to puree foods, to soft, and finally solids 8 weeks after surgery, avoiding specific high carb and high fat/sugar foods. Also, no carbonated beverages (not b/c of the lack of tolerance so much as the detrimental affect of bloating the stomach, and stretching it out). Also, no alcohol for at least a year for me. Are you following up with your dietician to make sure you are eating foods that will help you lose the weight you want? After all, the surgery is just a tool, but will not work if you go back to old eating habits. My calorie intake is limited to about 800 calories a day, and I am struggling with weight loss even then.

Looking for an update--how are you feeling now?

I had my surgery in February, so I'm not that far behind. I'm not gonna lie. The first week is awful. I remember texting my family telling them I had "buyer's remorse," and that I thought I made a really bad decision. I seriously thought I'd made a big mistake. Much of it was getting the anesthesia and pain meds out of my body, which took about 4 -5 days. But it gets A LOT better, I promise. After about a week or two, I felt pretty good, still sore, but not so miserable. And now, about 8 weeks out, I feel great. I lost a good amount of weight, am back to eating normal texture food, and exercising without restriction. 8 weeks may seem like a long time, but it goes by before you know it. I feel 100% myself, now--but that first week or so...UGH! Have patience, follow your doctor's advice and don't worry. You're body just underwent some major internal revisions and it will take some time to get used to it. Most people I know were in the hospital for two nights following surgery, so if you got out after one, your doctor must be happy with how your are doing, even if you don't feel so great. In the meantime, take small, frequent sips of Gatorade or Pedialite, or try a sugar-free ice pops (they were my salvation!). Watch some Netflex, read a good book, and allow yourself to heal. You will get there

How is everybody doing with the quarantine situation? For those who must stay at home, are you finding it easier/harder to stick with a healthy eating plan? What particular challenges are you facing?

I am eating regular food now, and one thing I've noticed is that I get full very quickly, but I also get hungry again very quickly. I am spacing my eating/drinking as the doctor told me, but about an hour after eating, I find myself hungry (like, hunger pangs) again. Anyone else have this experience? Any tips? Thanks!

S I get that with Crystal Light lemonade of any kind. I think the sourness of it kind of shocks my stomach and it takes a few sips to get through the rest. The fruit punch for me is a lot more tolerable. I've found that plain water with a splash of cranberry juice makes a great, more easily tolerated, alternative to Crystal Light. Good luck

Oh wow! What an awful thing to have to go through, especially so soon after surgery! I hope you improve quickly...I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers ❤️

Apparently, according to my doctor, the problem has been with not chewing enough. Now that I have graduated from "soft" food, to food with more substance, I have to focus more on my chewing the food thoroughly. Otherwise, my tummy gets overwhelmed and sets a signal to stop eating so it can cope with the bigger bites, before the pouch actually gets full. So I stop eating, but the pouch is not full, and I feel hungry again right away. This makes a lot of sense, and I've been much more satiated for a longer period of time now that I'm back to the 30 chews rule GreenTealael, you were absolutely right on the money!