Tormentus

So a little background: I am a 6'3" male who had my "Sleeve" done in July and ran into a small Pulmonary Embolism which kept me at the hospital an extra week. I have to take blood thinners for at least 1 year but thank god they have moved me off of the Lovenox injections (I hate and fear needles) and onto a pill so it's not that big of a bother now . A month before surgery I was 500lbs but got down to 455lbs on the day of my surgery. I honestly forgot what my weight was 3-4 months ago on my last surgeon visit and any scales I have had access to since then top out at 300-350lbs. I vaguely recall one doctors scale saying 375 almost 2 months ago but it could have been in error since it really wasn't built for that. I have a few concerns that you guys probably heard a billion times so please excuse me but I just don't want to screw up too bad. Despite access to a usable scale I know I am losing weight because I have had to buy smaller clothes. I wore a 5XL shirt pre-op and now wear 3-2XL, some other articles too small 30 days ago now starting to fit little by little as time goes on etc etc. I have also noticed loose skin and I keep getting told I have a noticeable reduction in my face. I am having a few issues that I can't tell if I am ruining my surgery or what but hopefully you guys can help and sorry for the novels worth of words ahead. Firstly I am worried that I may be stretched out too much. I am VERY picky eater and don't eat vegetables, but before you go on with the lecture let me say: "YES, I have "Re-tried" them all several times to appease people and in various different preparations but no matter what whenever I eat most vegetables the taste literally makes me sick" anyway, I knew this was going to cause some challenges .Once I could eat normal foods my diet was pretty much occasionally scrambled eggs for breakfast, 2 pieces of grilled chicken for dinner every night and fruit anytime before and after that. Mostly oranges but also apples, banana and the occasional grapes. Now that the weather has changed grilling enough for most of the week is not as easy so I have had to mix it up. I know it is shameful but a few days during the week I stay at my gf's apt and she has no way to cook in her apt so I try to bring as much "pre-cooked" food from home to microwave but often we have to order out and this is where being a picky eater runs into some problems. It's hard to find any healthy dishes I enjoy with most of the places mostly because most of them are vegetable based or vege heavy. I tried doing grilled chicken from halal place but it is hard to order food for 2 people when 1 person is not on a diet and the other does not eat most of the healthy options. Naturally I have had to get regular non-diet foods like an occasional burger, italian/pizza, chinese rice/soup and mexican. Obviously I am not able to consume the entire portion of whatever I get and it is a bit of a waste of money with all the leftovers not eaten again but I was always taught that moderation was the most important thing no matter what you eat and it has not seemed to interrupt the weight loss this entire time so I thought it was ok but I am often wrong. I only have this delivery stuff a couple times a week at most and I don't order out the rest of the week when back home but I have noticed lately that no matter what I eat I am able to eat larger portions than I did a few months ago. I am not talking about eating an "overstuffing binge" amount but def a bit more than I could eat a few months ago. For example I ate 2 decent sized chicken breast cutlets tonight with no problem when a few months ago it was a struggle to eat 1 and a 1/2 drumsticks. It seems to be inconsistent too, in other words some days I can only handle a smaller portion and then the next day it could be a larger portion and it will just randomly switch between the 2 all week. This has me worried I have done something wrong to my stomach with my eating. Recently most of my diet has consisted of eating yogurt, I will have a "fruit on the bottom" cup multiple times a day either as a meal or as a snack and other than that I only eat fruit or some "Popcorners" (they are popcorn somehow shaped into a "potato chip" shape) but the nutritional facts state they are not a junk food chip with the bad stuff. OH, I also forgot to mention that even way before my surgery I only drink water. I DO NOT drink any kind of high sugar drinks, carbonated drinks or even anything with caffeine like coffee, soda or tea. I may have a glass of orange juice once in a blue moon but aside from that it's nothing but water all day every day. Does it sound like I screwed up and ruined this whole thing? My other issue I have noticed is my hair started coming out in worrying amounts when brushing and in clumps during a shower. I do have long hair and it seems to be getting thin in some spots and much more scalp is showing through if I pull my hair into a ponytail. I never had this issue before and it is scaring me a bit. I take a daily "complete" multi-vitamin along with an extra pill of Iron and I know my protein intake is probably not ideal but I don't think it is low enough to warrant the hair falling out like this. Is this something anyone has experienced? Lately I have been experiencing some body dismorphia where some days I will look in the mirror and notice my weight loss but some days my head starts to tell me I am either "gaining weight", "not losing anymore weight" or just a general lowering of self esteem and I swear that I start to see these things in the mirror when logic tells me it is not possible. One other thing that has been really messing with my head is the whole loose skin situation. I feel like the loose skin is going to make me look disgusting or undesirable when all is said and done but also it's kind of like "what was the point of losing all the weight if I will only look as bad or worse than I did when I was obese?" It kind of makes me think I will be trading in one type of depression for a new one and still be in the same boat I was before and I really don't want that. I feel like all the positive aspects of the surgery will only be physical in it's results but still leave me in the same low self esteem state of mind I was in before. Any of you run into this? Did you figure out how to get past it? Thanks in advance and again I apologize for the long post but I just want to get everything out in one shot. I look forward to any replies.

Thanks for the replies guys. As far as the food thing goes you guys are right in that I need to figure out what I can eat that will make those away from home days lean on the healthy side. I think it may be some laziness and I also think it might be some unwillingness to stick to the small and dull list of stuff I actually eat that will make it onto a more "healthy" list but I will just have to deal with it. I am not too worried about the take out stuff mostly because even thinking of the greasy, fatty foods I used to consume now makes me queasy so I don't see myself going overboard but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to screw up stomach size or anything but again I will get on the task of fixing it. My gf is still plus size and not on any plan or diet to change that so it kind of makes the take out control part of the process harder but I think she will support me if I tell her I can't be eating what she is anymore. So you guys suggested taking photos and I have been doing that since August. I would do it standing sideways in the mirror at work since I don't have any mirrors big enough at home. While I can def notice a difference between day 1 and now it is the more recent photos I have the biggest trouble with. The last couple months a photo 1 week has me thinking I am bigger than the previous and then a newer one will look like im smaller and then back to bigger again. Maybe it could be because I am wearing different types of clothes in the pictures? I try to stand in the same spot/stance as much as possible but it isn't always exact so could this be a factor? It is just hard to stay positive when your brain is your worst enemy and always planting seeds of disappointment at every chance it gets. I just ordered a scale that has a 500lb limit so maybe that is the only way to be 100% about my progress although I do fear seeing numbers increase instead of decrease (thanks again brain) but I don't think I am to truly see what is going on in the pics so it is the only way. It's good to know the hair issue isn't a huge problem. I really was worried that going permanently bald on top of all my other issues at the moment could really cause my self esteem and depression to spiral out of control. I will def purchase some vitamins as suggested. I am aware that plastic surgery is an option for the loose skin but the issue is the cost. Insurance covered my sleeve surgery so that is the only reason I was able to get it. My surgeon says that under certain circumstances insurance MAY cover the surgery for loose belly skin but it is not definite and that would not include any loose skin elsewhere on the body like arms and legs etc. I honestly don't really see the point in just getting the belly skin fixed if the rest of the body will still have loose skin so I am not sure about how this will all go. I have also been told that the surgery to fix loose skin all over the body is very painful and I am not able to take any kind of narcotic painkillers after surgery so that will also factor in. I knew a person who had the surgery but had to keep all the loose skin and their mental health and self esteem took a pretty big hit from looking that way and that's not even including the intimacy issues she deals with from mean because of it. Seeing all that has made me scared to think about what impact my mental state could have from living with obvious and excessive loose skin. Thanks again for all the guidance and advice I really do appreciate you guys taking the time to hear me out and address my concerns it is truly a kind gesture.