First off, Im so sorry youre having such a hard time!! Im waiting for approval for my surgery currently and everything you have written about are all things that scare me! I cannot say I understand how you are feeling because I don't yet, but I know you can do it! You've gotten so far already. Also, it totally caught my eye that you had surgery by Dr. Machado....that's who I am having surgery with as well. Its been a long road for me, I have been seeing her since April.