welterrn

As I noted under "My Surgeon", my biggest downfall has been not preparing mentally for the LapBand BEFORE I had it done and no emotional support AFTER the surgery. Once I had the surgery done, I thought I was "fixed for good". Within 6 months, I lost 65 pounds and was feeling and looking great. Approximately 9 months after my surgery I became seriously ill with Pneumonia and subsequently had a doctor insist that my band should be unfilled completely because it was so inflamed from coughing and vomitting that I was seriously dehydrated. Since that time, I went for a couple of fills with Dr. Spiegel, but have just not felt any realistic support. When I mention my struggles or when he would tell me my pouch is enlarged, he would simply suggest their support group again, visit with our dietician (which I found out was another $400-$500). Basically, I felt like I was being "herded like cattle" through their process and no real concern for what I was going through. In addition to my illness, my husband had to have several abdominal surgeries due to complications of a gastric bypass surgery which subsequently left him with a hug open abdominal wound that took about 7 months to heal. My youngest daughter who was born with a severe Cleft Lip and Cleft Palate, required a major surgery which required her lips to be stitched together for two weeks and required a follow up surgery to re-open her lips (this was her 16th surgery at the age of 14). My oldest daughter (20 years old) also suffered a life threatening blood clot in her entire left leg, extending into her abdomen and into her inferior vena cava. With these events, I still maintained a full time job as a Director of Nursing in Long Term Care.
I have realized many times over that eating is my comfort. I joke often that if I was the type of person that did not eat when stressed, I would be a toothpick!
I have been feeling really down and frustrated with myself lately, hopeless that I would ever be anything but a fat person with little or no self control. I received an email from this site in my email inbox and feel rejuvenated to see others that have struggled with their LapBand. I saw that I actually enrolled on this website in May 2008 shortly after my surgery, but never visited it again. That is more evidence to me that I did not think I needed anything besides the LapBand, I thought it was my "quick fix". I am going to get this under control because I want to believe that I am worth it and I know that if I don't take care of myself, I can't take care of others that I need to.
I want to find a doctor office for fills, education and support - hopefully, one a little closer to me to be more practical.