StrawartS

Oh my god. I had gone almost 3 months post-banding without what you people so lovingly call a "PB," and let me tell you, those two little words do not do the deed any justice. I kept reading about people throwing up and I wondered what the hell was wrong with you all. I would almost rather die than vomit, as I have a very sensitive gag reflex, and once I get started, I can't stop. I thought you had to be crazy to eat so much or so wrong that it came back up. Oh, little did I know. Now, I've had the golfball. I get the golfball, in varying intensities, several times a week. I figured it was just first bite syndrome, and it would always pass by walking around or trying to wash it down. Until last night. I was on the San Antonio River Walk with some friends, and we were having some appetizers and margaritas. All of a sudden, I got the worst golfball ever. No warning. I went to the bathroom to try to walk it off. I paced the bathroom for about 10 minutes, and my mouth was filling up with slime. And then I threw up. It was mostly slime, and only a tiny amount of food. The most impressive part to me was that the slime came out in a 9 inch diameter BUBBLE! Like when you're using that string and wand thing and blowing bubbles! Crazy. If I didn't feel like such total shit I would have examined it more closely. I thought I was better, and someone was trying to come into the bathroom, so I returned to my seat. I still had pressure in my chest, but nothing too bad. A few minutes later, the excrutiating golfball returned. We got up to leave, and I thought the walk back to the hotel would clear it. But no. The more I walked, the more painful it became, and my mouth continued to fill with slime. Finally, I couldn't stand it, and I ran into the nearest restaurant to use the bathroom. Or, what I thought was a restaurant. It was actually some sort of bar that was checking IDs. I tried to hurry past the guying yelling "Ma'am!" until he manhandled me. I was at once flattered that I looked younger than 21 and terrified that I might vomit on this lovely young man. I turned to him and urgently whispered "I'm going to vomit. Please let me use your bathroom." If I have learned anything about men, it is that they are most afraid of a crazy bitch...especially a crazy bitch about to throw up. I found the bathroom and immediately began vomiting. Another HUGE bubble. (Could I make money off this talent?) It is this vomiting session that I now consider the OFFICIAL WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE. It was so painful, both in my chest and my pouch, and not at all PRODUCTIVE, like vomiting before the band was. Little chunks of food were coming up and getting stuck on the back of my tongue, making me gag and heave more. Eventually, everything that was going to come up did, and I was left sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. And trying to rinse foot long slimes out of my mouth for the next five minutes. Ok, so if you're still reading, a few observations: 1. Are you fucking kidding me? This has happened to you people more than once? My mom was banded a month before me, and I know that she has had this kind of episode on MANY occassions. I do not comprehend. Last night's situation has scared the pants off of me, and I have been eating VERY carefully today. I can honestly say that I would rather die than go through that again. 2. Are you telling me that I PAID for this? I should start another thread about the GIANT SCAM that is the lapband, but I'll be brief here. This was NOT in the power point presentation. The golfball was NOT ever mentioned to me. The imaginary feeling of fullness that doesn't register with your head was NOT ever acknowledged pre-banding. 3. Productive Burp? How about Excrutiatingly Painful Gagging Sliming Heaving Feels Like You're About to Die Vomitation? (EPGSHFLYADV) Seriously, the acronym is EXCEPTIONALLY deceiving. I had no idea what I was in for. And, no, I'm not too tight. I've had this fill for a month, and have eaten much worse than I did last night. In fact, I ate half a pizza last week with no problems. Please don't judge me and tell me to eat Protein. So, basically, I'm pissed, and I'm getting more pissed as I write this. I'm terrified of ever going through that again, and I'm angry that I was misled. I am convinced that this procedure is entirely experimental and will be contraindicated in about 10 years. And physiologically, it makes no sense. How can my pouch hold half a pizza one day and just a few bites another? I need a scientific explanation beyond "the band is finicky." I know this isn't the right forum for I Hate My Band discussions, but maybe there are a few others like me lurking. Anybody?

Hey guys - I don't post much anymore, but this picture was too weird not to share. Can you see that circle on my stomach? There was nothing on my sweater last night - I think that's my port! Am I crazy? Or is this some freaky xray camera? June 2007 Bandster Calender.doc

Haha...good thing the speck of dust didn't land on my boob - I would have been freaked out that my nipple was showing!

Now I'm sitting here thinking about how much trash these people generate on a daily basis. And not to be gross, but these prude ass people probably don't use any flushable hygiene products, either. Just imagine the piles and piles of refuse.

Sunta, you'll love this. I'm watching the Duggars' show on A&E right now. They use PAPER PLATES.

Sorry I missed this one! I vote no to both outfits and vote for the panties/santa hat from the other night.

Hehe...love it! I didn't realize your granddaughter was half-grown! I thought she was much younger. I bet she has the coolest granny in school!

Yes, but did you see the article on CNN.com? Apparently the "fundies" are not happy with her! They're actually condemning her for having babies in a homosexual relationship. Too sad. WASHINGTON (AP) -- Conservative leaders voiced dismay Wednesday at news that Mary Cheney, the lesbian daughter of Dick Cheney, is pregnant, while a gay-rights group said the vice president faces "a lifetime of sleepless nights" for serving in an administration that has opposed recognition of same-sex couples. Mary Cheney, 37, and her partner of 15 years, Heather Poe, 45, are expecting a baby in late spring, said Lea Anne McBride, a spokeswoman for the vice president. "The vice president and Mrs. Cheney are looking forward with eager anticipation" to the arrival of their sixth grandchild, McBride said. Mary Cheney was an aide to her father during the 2004 campaign, and now is vice president for consumer advocacy at AOL. She and Poe moved from Colorado to Virginia a year ago to be closer to the Cheney family. Family Pride, which advocates on behalf of gay and lesbian families, noted that Virginia last month became one of 27 states with a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. "Unless they move to a handful of less restrictive states, Heather will never be able to have a legal relationship with her child," said Family Pride executive director Jennifer Chrisler. The couple "will quickly face the reality that no matter how loved their child will be. ... he or she will never have the same protections that other children born to heterosexual couples enjoy," Chrisler said. "Grandfather Cheney will no doubt face a lifetime of sleepless nights as he reflects on the irreparable harm he and his administration have done to the millions of American gay and lesbian parents and their children." For years, Mary Cheney's openness about her sexual orientation had posed a dilemma for conservative activists who admire Dick Cheney's stance on many issues but consider homosexuality a sin. Janice Crouse of Concerned Women for America described the pregnancy as "unconscionable." "It's very disappointing that a celebrity couple like this would deliberately bring into the world a child that will never have a father," said Crouse, a senior fellow at the group's think tank. "They are encouraging people who don't have the advantages they have." Crouse said there was no doubt that the news would, in conservatives' eyes, be damaging to the Bush administration, which already has been chided by some leaders on the right for what they felt was halfhearted commitment to anti-abortion and anti-gay-rights causes in this year's general election. Carrie Gordon Earll, a policy analyst for the conservative Christian ministry Focus on the Family, expressed empathy for the Cheney family but depicted the pregnancy as unwise. "Just because you can conceive a child outside a one-woman, one-man marriage doesn't mean it's a good idea," Earll said. "Love can't replace a mother and a father." The vice president's office declined to elaborate on the circumstances of Mary Cheney's pregnancy. The news was welcomed by the president of the largest national gay-rights group, Joe Solmonese of the Human Rights Campaign. "Mary and Heather's decision to have a child is an example that families in America come in all different shapes and sizes," he said. "The bottom line is that a family is made up of love and commitment." http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/12/06/cheney.daughters.ap/index.html

Speaking of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (or North Korea as it's known to all us ugly Americans), I'm planning a trip there in August! According to my Lonely Planet, if I manage to make it, I will then be the most interesting person I know. :eek: For anyone who is interested in the DPRK, there is a beautiful movie called A State of Mind. It's about the Arirang Mass Games, a national celebration that occurs on holidays, sometimes several times a year. It's am amazing gymnastics spectucular with about 100,000 gymnasts and tens of thousands of school children performing. The gymnasts work together in a mass synchronized routine (a physical representation of socialism) and know that if any one of them messes up, the entire performance is ruined. Behind the stadium floor where the gymnasts perform, thousands of school children flip colored cards in synchronicity to create a giant mosiac picture. Americans are only granted visas during the Mass Games, and there are some performances in August and September. I am currently dealing with a Korean travel agency to schedule a trip. The trip is completely chaperoned by two guides at all times, and everything you get to see is highly regulated by the government (hence, no poverty, starvation, etc. are shown). I don't mean to hijack, Sunta! (I agree with everything you've said and more . ) I just take any opportunity I can to talk about my favorite "axis of evil."

I'll answer for myself, because I am also a Christmas-loving atheist. I think the Christmas season is beautiful. Everything, all the way from the nativity story to the godless commercialization that the holiday has become. I think the Jesus story is very lovely, and I have a nativity scene in my home. I love the aestheticly pleasing parts of the season, and I can even get behind people feeling more generous at this time. I don't feel like I need to believe in god to take advantage of this really wonderful time of year. Also, Christmas is my birthday.

Sorry, Wheetsin, I didn't mean to jack up your thread. It's a slow day. Come on y'all, come up with some better advice.

Since you weren't really intending to collect on the camcorder anyway, I defer to one of my original suggestions. Profusely insist that Friend compensate you in any way he finds fair. Maybe it's my own idiosyncracies, but the idea of explaining a complex reimbursement formula to Friend is contradictory to the notion that you're not all that concerned about being compensated for your loss. The conversation, in the StrawartS Telenovela, would go like this: Friend: Wheetsin, I deeply regret losing your camera. Please tell me how I can repay you. Wheetsin: Oh, Friend, as I've told you before, you don't owe me anything. I know that you didn't intend to lose the camera/sit on the camera/drop the camera in the bathtub/sell the camera for condom money. And anyway, it's so hard to estimate a value for the damn thing since technology changes so quickly. If you really feel obliged to do something, I'll gratefully accept any amount you think is fair. *Wheetsin and Friend look passionately into each others' eyes and move closer together. The music swells in the background. Friend reaches for Wheetsin, but the time-traveling machine with which he is to embark on a secret government mission to search for alternative fuel sources is about to leave. Friend gives Wheetsin one last longing glance before Voltor, the leader of the secret mission, closes the door to the time machine. Wheetsin is left alone, sad, and camcorder-less.*

Only if you use it to buy some less revealing clothing. You're making the rest of us look bad.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/05/us/05liberty.html?ex=1309752000&en=633335bb68bac96a&ei=5088

How does one lose a camcorder? Honestly, I don't think you are the one responsible for coming up with a fair price. Friend, if he was well-versed in etiquette, wouldn't be trying to bargain. He would be telling you to go to bestbuy.com and pick out a new camcorder. But that's in a perfect world. I personally don't feel comfortable asking people for money, even when they owe it to me. If Friend doesn't do what I suggested above, I would leave the amount up to him. If he asked me again what I wanted, I would just say "whatever you think is fair." But I'm not that assertive when it comes to accepting money, so my answer might not suit your style/preferences.

Because of certain familial and political circumstances, both my grandmother and mother had several abortions. People always say to me, "what if YOU had been one of those aborted babies?" Who cares!? How would I know if I had been aborted? Wheetsin, I'm with you. I'm not about to start having babies willy-nilly on the off-chance that one of them might end up changing the world. Mine are probably more likely to infect this country with godless corruption.

Mr. Carlene would be correct about you falling off the deep end. It's 28 degrees outside - put on some pants, grandma! I am, however, impressed with your ability to combine the holiday spirit with your hot granny cleavage in the ass crack middle of the night.

Oh my. I think you missed a button. Or four. Carlene, you are HOT!

My chickens are not foolish enough to sue an admittedly broke woman. They would much prefer to engage in nonsensical arguments over the internet. And since we are now all supposed to modify our behavior out of respect for those whom it offends, Carlene, would you kindly post a picture of you wearing something other than mustard yellow? My sense of fashion is seriously affronted.

Carlene, as a raiser of chickens, I want you to know that you have offended my flock by comparing OJ Simpson to their shit. It will not matter to me how many times you explain yourself or how ridiculous my outcries may be, my chickens remain offended and demand an immediate, groveling apology.

Re: hair analysis - per information from the Innocence Project website, microscopic hair analysis (that faulty junk science) resulted in wrongful convictions in 21 out of the first 130 DNA exonerations of the wrongfully convicted. http://innocenceproject.org/causes/

In regard to the coincidences, the Peterson jurors were instructed that where two reasonable explanations existed, they were to accept the explanation that pointed to non-guilt (because the state has the burden of proof). A lot of answers to your questions can be found on Scott's family's website here - http://www.scottpetersonappeal.org/Newsletters.html But I'll try to explain based on my recently-gleaned information. 1. Dumping the body where he was fishing that day. First, I think it's pretty unlikely that Scott would lead the police to where he had dumped the bodies. I think it is more likely that the bodies were placed in that location after Scott had revealed his whereabouts. Also, the defense produced a re-enactment video showing that attempting to dump a 150-lb. body off that little boat would have caused it to capsize. The video was not admitted into evidence. The prosecution introduced a video which was admitted showing a living pregnant woman curling herself up into a ball and climbing into the boat to show that Laci would have fit. Except that Laci was supposedly already dead when she was placed into the boat, rigor mortis had likely set in, and the killer didn't have the advantage of a living woman being able to twist and turn to fit into a compact space. 2. He told Amber that Laci was dead. Score 1 for Carlene...but I just think this points to his character (or lack thereof). I am not proud to say that I have "killed" my grandma to get out of taking an exam in college. But should that statement be used against me in her murder trial? 3. The hair. I don't know any details about the hair. But I would like to take this opportunity to offer a general insight into hair analysis. Old hair analysis has been proven to be junk science, and resulted in the wrongful conviction of many innocent people. Unless the root of the hair found was DNA tested, then I have doubts. 4. Injuries to Scott's hand. Scott was at his warehouse earlier in the day putting together some sort of equipment and cut his hand. Again, there are two reasonable explanations for a bloody hand, and one supports a not-guilty verdict. I really urge anyone with a strong opinion on this case, or any case for that matter, to do some outside research. I personally think media accounts tend to be biased and one-sided and can result in unfair outcomes.

In regard to the original topic, Mandy suggested that the victims' families be offered the profits. In fact, this did happen. The publishers offered the Browns and Goldmans the profits from the book, but the Browns and Goldmans regarded it as hush money and promptly refused. I'm disappointed that the book got pulled, because like any good train wreck afficionado, I was very curious to see what he possibly had to say. I mean, how did he explain this one to his kids? Look guys, I didn't do it, but if I had intended to murder your mother, here are the bloody and gory details of how I personally would have done it. Edit - reminds me of the time during my parents' divorce when my dad told me that my mother wanted to have an abortion and only went through with her pregnancy because my dad threatened her with divorce. Uhm...thanks for sharing, but is that information really appropriate for a 12-year-old?

Hence why I said "not guilty." It's definitely a sketchy situation, and I'm not convinced that he had nothing to do with it. But from my cursory investigation, it appears that he got sent to death row for having an affair. I believe the prosecutor even said in his closing argument that he didn't have to prove to the jury how or when Peterson did it, just that he did. To me, the how and where are pretty entrenched in the act. One of the defense's major lines of reasoning in the appeal is that the case went from the state having the burden of proof to the defense being forced to prove that he DIDN'T do it. Say what you will about him as a person (and I'll whole-heartedly agree), but it looks like he didn't get a fair shake procedurally.

I'm enjoying having the Top 5 back. It makes me feel less like I've ODed on crystal meth than the Top 10.