Phoenix

I'm so sorry. Been there. I'm going to give you the Cliff's Notes from my experience. Maybe it will help.
His affair wasn't about you. He should have been thinking about you, You were reason enough NOT to do what he did. But he was compartmentalizing "the rest of his life" away from the affair. It was selfish on his part. He did it because his ego needed the extra boost.
Why he told you after ending it is the 2nd most selfish thing he did. Unless she was threatening to tell you, he should have dealt with his shame and said nothing. Confessing just brought you pain. It didn't restore his honor. Confession was good for his soul, a crushing blow to yours. He gets no "good guy" props for causing the train to wreck.
Again, it wasn't about you. The compelling crap that took him down that pathway is his therapy, not yours. Do not blame yourself.
Most affairs last on average from 2 - 4 years. I was shocked to find that out.
The litmus test: If he takes responsibility for where he put his weiner, he just might be worth forgiving. If he blames you for his affair, he's yesterday's coffee grounds and it's time to dump him.
It sounds like he may be the type to own up and be responsible for his actions.
Typically, he honestly feels horrible for causing you such pain. He never expected this part of it. The anger, sure, but not the anguish. Again, no props for recognizing he may have totaled the relationship. He's responsible for where he put his weiner. Not you.
What therapy will do for you, should you choose to soldier on and try to learn to trust again...You'll learn to communicate better. You'll learn to recognize and hear the "I needs" that he'll learn recognize in himself to ask from your relationship. It will help to keep him honest.
If you don't go on, then continue the therapy until you get to the point where you can say "It hurts like hell, but I didn't deserve this. It wasn't about me. Every guy isn't like this."
Good luck and big gentle hugs. You'll get through this one way or the other.

I'm so sorry. Been there. I'm going to give you the Cliff's Notes from my experience. Maybe it will help.
His affair wasn't about you. He should have been thinking about you, You were reason enough NOT to do what he did. But he was compartmentalizing "the rest of his life" away from the affair. It was selfish on his part. He did it because his ego needed the extra boost.
Why he told you after ending it is the 2nd most selfish thing he did. Unless she was threatening to tell you, he should have dealt with his shame and said nothing. Confessing just brought you pain. It didn't restore his honor. Confession was good for his soul, a crushing blow to yours. He gets no "good guy" props for causing the train to wreck.
Again, it wasn't about you. The compelling crap that took him down that pathway is his therapy, not yours. Do not blame yourself.
Most affairs last on average from 2 - 4 years. I was shocked to find that out.
The litmus test: If he takes responsibility for where he put his weiner, he just might be worth forgiving. If he blames you for his affair, he's yesterday's coffee grounds and it's time to dump him.
It sounds like he may be the type to own up and be responsible for his actions.
Typically, he honestly feels horrible for causing you such pain. He never expected this part of it. The anger, sure, but not the anguish. Again, no props for recognizing he may have totaled the relationship. He's responsible for where he put his weiner. Not you.
What therapy will do for you, should you choose to soldier on and try to learn to trust again...You'll learn to communicate better. You'll learn to recognize and hear the "I needs" that he'll learn recognize in himself to ask from your relationship. It will help to keep him honest.
If you don't go on, then continue the therapy until you get to the point where you can say "It hurts like hell, but I didn't deserve this. It wasn't about me. Every guy isn't like this."
Good luck and big gentle hugs. You'll get through this one way or the other.