KatW

Congrats on being preggers. There is no way to get through it except to get through it! I remember no tired like first tri tired. DH says I slept 15 Hr a day. He thought I was going comatose. Take it easy! It will all be worth it.

Goodness, Certainly never meant to imply that everyone wants or needs your help- not sure I used that word! Sorry if you took that from my post. You are right that not every comment needs to turn into a fight. I do know that every fight that I have been in, I chose to be in it. At a certain point it never mattered who started it. If they kicked first, I kicked second and so on... Anyway, different strokes and all that. I think on another post you ask if one needs the understanding???(something like that) or if you can just change the behavior. Good for you if you don't need the understanding. Me, Understanding has always preceded change. I am an introspective, introverted over processor. Without asking why, sometimes for years on end, I never get where I am going. I have a sister more on your side of the fence and I have driven her crazy and she has driven me crazy with her dislike of what she calls my "beating a dead horse". The good news is that she can do it her way and it works for her, and I can do it my way and we can still meet for coffee and agree that other one has it all wrong.

Susan, I am so glad to hear you say that about that particular thread. I was really bothered by it. I posted nothing on it. i thought that would only feed the flames. I hope that it dies a death of neglect.

Oh My God! Are you serious? Thank God you noticed. I am amazed you finished the race. You have got to finish this story. Is he OK? Are you OK?

Kat, This is the other Kat. I think from now on when I want to say something, I will refer them to you. You say it so much better than I do. I don't know where I read the indian story, but I think about it all the time! It has helped me so much when examining my motives for doing something.

I am going to copy you. You said that perfect.

I am a "clean" eater. i have never heard it called that, but it describes my family perfectly. We don't eat any processed foods and as much organic and "natural" (kind of a loose term) as we can. I once got into a debate with a nutrtionist about the relative merits of "sugar free" foods with chemical sweeteners- he thought that they were great and I think that they are satan's creation. I have eaten this way now for about 6 years and I love it! I just got banded on the 13th. I did a ketosis liquid diet for the required 2 weeks. I am still on liquid, buT I have added back fruit and vegetable juices, spirulina, wheat grass etc, and I feel so much better than on the Protein binge! So much nutrition in those carbs that come from nature!

Terrible to me to go through all of this and still be consumed by my disease -ie. compulsive eating. I am shocked by some of the things people do once they are banded. I just see them as sick, not stupid, lazy, other negative words. I see them as still trapped in the throws of a life threatening disease. All my scorn, anger, disregard, sense of superiority because I have found some recovery that they have not, will avail them nothing. When others did it to me, I never got better, I got worse. Healing is never found with harsh and derogatory behavior. It is no different to me than berating a person with the stomach flu for throwing up. I try to give understanding, because I do understand-I was once there. I try give support- Because I needed it to get better. I try to refrain from judgement- Because when i was judged, I was filled with shame when what I needed was compassion. I get the frustration- I have it too. i can see the path that I have taken and know that if this person found some of what i have found they would do better- but my frustration that they are not there doesn't help them at all. I want everyone to succeed, but we all do it in our own time, and some of us never make it. But I believe that we are all the same on the scale of imperfect.

I know the thread that started all this. I have a post on it as well. I can relate both ways. Jachut, I admire your no BS approach to your life and the energy and disipline you give to everything that is important to you. I really understand your point of view better from reading this thread. Instead of angry to me, you seem frustrated with your attempts to help people that you see as not wanting your help. Funny thing, I wish that these words were what was on some of these other threads. You have a great deal of compassion and understanding about this struggle. Am I right when I say that a major aspect of this thread is the feeling that your efforts are unappreciated by some of these other people on this forum? I get what you are saying in that regard. It ain't easy for any of us. What's true is that every one has to find their own answer in their own time and in their own way. Please let me know if I am off base. You have learned some lessons that others have not. Kudos to you!

I don't understand what you are asking. Are you asking if the truth and supportive behavior to others are antithetical? I need some clarification to your question before I answer. i don't know what IOW means.

Yipee! You have gotten the bug and it is a lifelong disease. i can't wait to hear the details.

Brandy, i am going to bypass all the back and forth and address your original question. I believe it is possible to be overweight and have healthy self esteem- I would characterize it for myself as self love. Whithin that love I can still be aware and addressing my character defects. They will always be there whether I am fat or thin. I will always be able to act from the best of myself or the worst. I have lived my life as both a fat person and a thin person. When I was young and fat, I hated myself for what I saw as my hugeness. When I was thin, I indulged in a smug arrogance that I was somehow superior to my former self because I had conquered my weight problem- really I replaced that weight problem with an exercise problem. In reality, I worried constantly that I would lose it all (ie be fat again and therefore without value) I was unable to enjoy my hard work. In fact, my hard work became a prison. Instead of being a food addict, I was an exercise bulimic. I was not so different at all, only the package was different. When I was young and fat, I was filled with self hate. When I was young and thin, I was filled with self hate that I directed at others. i was so afraid I would lose control. I hated anything that reminded me of my former self. Eventually, I did lose control- as we all do when we are acting from outside ourselves. ANd it was the best thing that ever happened. I was still the same person, different package. I had to learn a different way of being. Now here I am, years later- still fat but healthy and happy, with a husband who loves me(I never would have allowed him in my life until I learned to love myself first. I wouldn't have been able to tolerate his positive and unconditional regard.) i have a life that is full, rich and overflowing with more abundance than i could ever have thought I deserved as my younger self. And I have all of it fat. I think you are very couragious to put these questions out there. It isn't easy to be on a quest- which I think you are. (Know that sounds corny). To conclude my long winded post. I think that fat people's choices and mistakes are written on our bodies in a way that other peoples are not. But I believe that our mistakes are no greater than any one elses. If they are worth something, so are we all. We are all the products of our choices. We tend to focus on the bad, but we are all a mixed bag. Look at your good stuff. Work on those and the bad will diminish in comparison. What grows in us is what we feed- no pun intended.

Julia, i have also suffered from compulsive overeating. I believe the band is only as effective as your recovery from overeating. Compulsion says it all. It is a behavior that if we could easily stop doing we would. I would suggest that you find some recovery from the compulsion before going through a life threatening surgery. You are very brave, thoughtful and honest to be able to acknowledge your problem. I know that whatever you decide to do, you will make it work! Good Luck,