KatW

Congrats on being preggers. There is no way to get through it except to get through it! I remember no tired like first tri tired. DH says I slept 15 Hr a day. He thought I was going comatose. Take it easy! It will all be worth it.

Well, you're kind of right Kat, although I'm not so egotistical as to think that *everyone* wants and needs my help.

But yes, its frustration. The biggest thing about losing weight is realising that only you can do it. No, its not fair. Yes, its awful to be burdened with this cursed appetite/metablism/depression (insert your own afflictions here). What's the choice? You live with it and learn to manage it or you dont.

For those that dont, the agression and hatred poured onto those who have had success is quite astounding at times. Rather than think well this person's had some success, maybe what she's saying is worth thinking about. I can decide to use it or not, but perhaps its worth listening.

Or then again, maybe that would make me really LOOK at myself so why dont I just turn it into a fight instead. That way I can make her look bad and continue feeling OK about my own choices.

Frustrating is right!

I dont mind a bit of a whinge session. I can even be helpful when people have eaten 3 chickens and their cat whilst still on liquids. But the endless pity parties, ugh.

Goodness, Certainly never meant to imply that everyone wants or needs your help- not sure I used that word! Sorry if you took that from my post.

You are right that not every comment needs to turn into a fight. I do know that every fight that I have been in, I chose to be in it. At a certain point it never mattered who started it. If they kicked first, I kicked second and so on...

Anyway, different strokes and all that. I think on another post you ask if one needs the understanding???(something like that) or if you can just change the behavior. Good for you if you don't need the understanding. Me, Understanding has always preceded change. I am an introspective, introverted over processor. Without asking why, sometimes for years on end, I never get where I am going. I have a sister more on your side of the fence and I have driven her crazy and she has driven me crazy with her dislike of what she calls my "beating a dead horse". The good news is that she can do it her way and it works for her, and I can do it my way and we can still meet for coffee and agree that other one has it all wrong.

Susan, I am so glad to hear you say that about that particular thread. I was really bothered by it. I posted nothing on it. i thought that would only feed the flames. I hope that it dies a death of neglect.

Oh My God! Are you serious? Thank God you noticed. I am amazed you finished the race. You have got to finish this story. Is he OK? Are you OK?

I don't know, but I think it is possible to be happy with oneself, and still acknowledge that losing weight is what would be best for your own health.

My sense of self before surgery, was not wonderful---I was ashamed of how I looked---but I liked the PERSON I was before losing weight. I was kind to others, I was an honest person, a loving wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister and friend. I still strive to be the same---those qualities do not hinge on size.

There were days my weight depressed me, mostly when I realized something else I was unable to do (ride my bike or horse, or play on the floor with the kids kind of things). But as a general rule, I was a happy person.

It is the old glass half full vs. glass half empty. I had "full" days way more often than "empty" days. I still do, but even at an almost normal weight, I do still have the occasional empty day.

You have to choose to be happy....regardless of size, and if you cannot make that decision, regardless of size, then maybe it is time to evaluate and decide how you can make yourself able to choose to be happy, or seek professional help to do so..... providing that is what you strive to be.

I read this recently in a Ladies Home Journal article---it is a story about a Cherokee elder talking with his grandson. He is telling him about the battle that goes on inside people's heads. He said the battle is between two 'wolves' that live inside us all. One is Unhappiness. It is fear, worry, anger, jealousy, sorrow, self pity, resentment, and inferiority. The other is Happiness. It is joy, love, hope, serenity, kindness, generosity, truth and compassion.

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then ask his grandfather---"which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply answered......The one you feed.

Too often we ourselves are the ones feeding the wrong wolf. We have to feed the wolf regardless of our size.....we just need to make a concious choice of which one to feed I believe.

Kat

Kat, This is the other Kat. I think from now on when I want to say something, I will refer them to you. You say it so much better than I do. I don't know where I read the indian story, but I think about it all the time! It has helped me so much when examining my motives for doing something.

I'm staying on plan today, because I like myself better when I do.:ohmy:

I am going to copy you. You said that perfect.

I am a "clean" eater. i have never heard it called that, but it describes my family perfectly. We don't eat any processed foods and as much organic and "natural" (kind of a loose term) as we can. I once got into a debate with a nutrtionist about the relative merits of "sugar free" foods with chemical sweeteners- he thought that they were great and I think that they are satan's creation.

I have eaten this way now for about 6 years and I love it!

I just got banded on the 13th. I did a ketosis liquid diet for the required 2 weeks. I am still on liquid, buT I have added back fruit and vegetable juices, spirulina, wheat grass etc, and I feel so much better than on the Protein binge! So much nutrition in those carbs that come from nature!

Terrible to me to go through all of this and still be consumed by my disease -ie. compulsive eating. I am shocked by some of the things people do once they are banded. I just see them as sick, not stupid, lazy, other negative words. I see them as still trapped in the throws of a life threatening disease. All my scorn, anger, disregard, sense of superiority because I have found some recovery that they have not, will avail them nothing. When others did it to me, I never got better, I got worse. Healing is never found with harsh and derogatory behavior. It is no different to me than berating a person with the stomach flu for throwing up. I try to give understanding, because I do understand-I was once there. I try give support- Because I needed it to get better. I try to refrain from judgement- Because when i was judged, I was filled with shame when what I needed was compassion.

I get the frustration- I have it too. i can see the path that I have taken and know that if this person found some of what i have found they would do better- but my frustration that they are not there doesn't help them at all.

I want everyone to succeed, but we all do it in our own time, and some of us never make it. But I believe that we are all the same on the scale of imperfect.

I know the thread that started all this. I have a post on it as well. I can relate both ways.

Jachut, I admire your no BS approach to your life and the energy and disipline you give to everything that is important to you. I really understand your point of view better from reading this thread. Instead of angry to me, you seem frustrated with your attempts to help people that you see as not wanting your help. Funny thing, I wish that these words were what was on some of these other threads. You have a great deal of compassion and understanding about this struggle.

Am I right when I say that a major aspect of this thread is the feeling that your efforts are unappreciated by some of these other people on this forum? I get what you are saying in that regard. It ain't easy for any of us. What's true is that every one has to find their own answer in their own time and in their own way.

Please let me know if I am off base. You have learned some lessons that others have not. Kudos to you!

IOW... we dodge truth in favor of, "You go girlie!!"??

I don't understand what you are asking. Are you asking if the truth and supportive behavior to others are antithetical? I need some clarification to your question before I answer. i don't know what IOW means.

Yipee! You have gotten the bug and it is a lifelong disease. i can't wait to hear the details.

Brandy,

i am going to bypass all the back and forth and address your original question.

I believe it is possible to be overweight and have healthy self esteem- I would characterize it for myself as self love. Whithin that love I can still be aware and addressing my character defects. They will always be there whether I am fat or thin. I will always be able to act from the best of myself or the worst.

I have lived my life as both a fat person and a thin person. When I was young and fat, I hated myself for what I saw as my hugeness. When I was thin, I indulged in a smug arrogance that I was somehow superior to my former self because I had conquered my weight problem- really I replaced that weight problem with an exercise problem. In reality, I worried constantly that I would lose it all (ie be fat again and therefore without value) I was unable to enjoy my hard work. In fact, my hard work became a prison. Instead of being a food addict, I was an exercise bulimic. I was not so different at all, only the package was different.

When I was young and fat, I was filled with self hate. When I was young and thin, I was filled with self hate that I directed at others. i was so afraid I would lose control. I hated anything that reminded me of my former self. Eventually, I did lose control- as we all do when we are acting from outside ourselves. ANd it was the best thing that ever happened. I was still the same person, different package. I had to learn a different way of being. Now here I am, years later- still fat but healthy and happy, with a husband who loves me(I never would have allowed him in my life until I learned to love myself first. I wouldn't have been able to tolerate his positive and unconditional regard.) i have a life that is full, rich and overflowing with more abundance than i could ever have thought I deserved as my younger self.

And I have all of it fat. I think you are very couragious to put these questions out there. It isn't easy to be on a quest- which I think you are. (Know that sounds corny).

To conclude my long winded post. I think that fat people's choices and mistakes are written on our bodies in a way that other peoples are not. But I believe that our mistakes are no greater than any one elses. If they are worth something, so are we all. We are all the products of our choices. We tend to focus on the bad, but we are all a mixed bag. Look at your good stuff. Work on those and the bad will diminish in comparison. What grows in us is what we feed- no pun intended.

Julia,

i have also suffered from compulsive overeating. I believe the band is only as effective as your recovery from overeating. Compulsion says it all. It is a behavior that if we could easily stop doing we would. I would suggest that you find some recovery from the compulsion before going through a life threatening surgery. You are very brave, thoughtful and honest to be able to acknowledge your problem. I know that whatever you decide to do, you will make it work!

Good Luck,

Ok. Maybe I had to have a bad day. Major pain in my left shoulder for the first time. Couldn't sleep on my side. Little nauseated, but otherwise OK. I think I am over the worst and I know tomorrow will be better.

THanks for the Soup info. The only problem is I have milk allergies, so I will have to add Water or soy. Will will try the other Soups though! Thanks!

There is a brand called Imagine Soups and they are incredibly good and soy based. You can find them at some supermarkets and most natural stores. I stay away from dairy and they have been a godsend!

By th eway-Banded the 13th! Doing great. Walking has made the biggest difference in how I feel. i walk, then I crash for 2 hours.

It has been one week since I was banded and all is well. I go to the hospital today to begin an exercise program. I have not had any vomiting or sliming. Today I get to start on oatmeal, cream of wheat, cottage cheese, applesauce, mashed potatoes, pureed meats and peas along with the full liquids. What a "gourmet" menu but it sounds good to me.

My left side is still quite sore and I cannot decide where my port is yet. the other three incisions have never hurt at all. I seem to have some internal burping when I think I am full. It is all so new that I really don't even know what I am feeling most of time. I also have some coughing after I eat that I take as a sign to quit eating or drinking. I am anxious to get on the scale at the hospital this afternoon to see what I have lost. My scale says I am down 9 lbs.

Jill,

I am with you on the full thing. Holy s***! I have no way to interpret the signals my body is sending me. Last night I kept wandering around my kitchen looking for? I have no idea. i suddenly realized-I'm thirsty, not hungry. Weird. So I drank Water. Amazing. It worked. I am 5 days postop and I think I have gone down the rabbit hole. I haven't weighed in yet. I think I am a little scared to.

4 days postop.

I have stuck to my guns and walked everyday.

Longest was 4 miles. Shortest was 2. DR won't let me WT train for 2 weeks. Not sure I would want to any way.

Today I am shooting for 4 again.

I train on all 4 strokes. I race with free, unless I am sucking. Then I do whatever works. Sorry about the shoulder.

And YES I did it WO a wetsuit. I was very cold, but I think my layer of fat stood me in good stead.

Recovery wasn't bad - ya surgery hurts - Woke up saying wtf have you done but after a few hours was better - next day bad gas for a minute but the last pain shot too it away -- I was banded on a Tues back to work the following Monday (Desk Job) Port site was uncomfortable for the longest about 2 or 3 weeks but not bad I wore dresses for a few weeks nothing tight around my waist.

I have been on a lot of diets programs - and for me the band was the tool I needed to help me put to use all I had learned from like weight watchers (I am a ww girl)

During my mushie stage I came home from work tired and hungry - started to make cream gravy (bacon fat flour milk) to put over my mashed potatoes - I looked at it while it was cooking and said ya it's a mushie -but is it healthy - did you have major frickin surgery so that you could / would continue to eat unhealthy - I said NO - threw the crap away - didn't eat it..

I have read alot of self help stuff - We eat to sooth our feelings to self medicate - I now think before I eat - am I really hungry (99% of the time I am not truly hungry) I eat healthy 98% of the time allow for treat about 2% of the time - but they are within my calorie budget for the day.

I count calories - Protein grams keep a food diary and exercise.

Thanks for the feedback. I am definitely still sore from the surgery, but doing pretty well for only 4 days out. I am with you when you say why did I have major surgery if I am going to bleep it up.

I have already started feeling hungry. The good news is that a glass of Water will usually fix that- today-not expecting that to last.

I also have an assortment of soy based cream Soups that taste amazing and fill me up for a long time.

I feel like I have entered a new universe. 1/2 cup and I am full to bursting? I have seen people eat like that but I have never been one of them. I wanted 3 hamburgers when I was 6 YO.

I love this thread.

That's all I got.

Thanks! Here is my first question(s)-

How did you get through your recovery period? How did you feel? WHat did you focus on?

I am also a recovering food addict and I would love to hear aout how your understanding changed as a result of the band.

Hi. I was banded on the 13th and I am looking for a mentor as well. Is your plate already full? If so, do you have any thoughts on where to look?

Kat W

Hey. I was banded on the 13th. I feel ya! I am tired and light-headed too. I made a batch of 1/10 Oj to 9/10 Water to drink. I get a litte sugar with each drink- just enough to keep my BS stable. It seems to be helping.

Also, I need to listen to my body when it asks for rest. In my case, it is a nap every 2-3 hours. I drop like a rock!

We are in the healing mode! When I had my gall bladder out, I felt pretty bad for about a month, so I am asuming it will be the same for this.

Good luck!

KatW

I agree that this site seems plagued with a lot of negativism. I have said this on a number of threads here. I can understand frustration when other people write negative things that upset me. What I can't get my head around is that the "I hate xyz" threads spawn more negative threads- like this one. This is another negative thread. How does this change the climate here?

I have never found negative words to lead to positive consequences.

Perhaps my reply will lead to another round of attacks and personal criticisms. That would be very sad to me.

How about instead, we turn this around to a gratitude thread, or a joke thread, or a "you go girl" thread, or a how can we reach out to others who are struggling thread, instead of a "I hate people who don't feel like I do thread?

KatW

A great friend of mine told me recently that what other people think of me is not my business, what I think about myself is. I no longer discuss my weight or any other aspect of my appearance, my actions, my thoughts with others. It has helped alot to get rid of all the people who think that their opinion of me is my business. We live in a culture that has very few boundaries. I used have very few and I was always getting hit with lots of information, "advice", etc that I didn't want. All these people with opinions about what you should or shouldn't be doing need to look away from you and your life and focus their razor gaze on themselves. If you are busy critiquing someone elses backyard, I guarantee you haven't had time to mow your own!

KatW