Carrot64

My surgeon was Dr. Laura Doyon from Emerson hospital Bariatric surgery center in Concord Massachusetts...I met her for an informative seminar in October of 18 and I just knew she was the surgeon for me.. she’s so loved and respected at her clinic and she was personable and approachable.. not one regret

Well, with all the braggadocio and confidence that I no longer succumb to my old temptations I’m here in Maine with the fam and guests and everyone is eating their celebratory vacation food and I’m in the corner ( not literally, just having a inner pity party) and the only food that is crushing me is the Cheese balls..now , I know I’m at the stage where I can try a few things but I have not cheated or tried anything to undermine my success so far but, those buttery , melt in your mouth , salty little things are taking up space instead my head . If I try some and get sick I won’t be able to be present enough for those I care about and if I give in I’m afraid of starting the ball rolling back to bad behaviors... oh Cheese balls! Help!

This is the party season and what else is there to do but be gluttonous ... I decided to mingle and talk and converse instead of hovering around the appetizers and cupcakes and it isn’t always easy.. especially if someone is messily consuming said cupcake as you try to talk to them.. I look around and see people who were never food addicted and they seem to be there for the fun and not the food. I try being like them!

The “ what if’s” turned around on me and I had to ask myself how long did I have if I didn’t do the surgery .. you may be young enough that being over weight hasn’t effected your health yet .. my co-morbidity’s were getting worse and the most I could ever lose was 20 lbs and I’d gain it all back plus some. Sleep apnea . Acid reflux and joint pain , high blood pressure and pre- diabetic .. I wasn’t huge, my BMI was 35 at surgery ... you have very valid concerns and I wouldn’t talk you in or out of it .. only you can decide, dont let anyone get in your head you’d be hard pressed for anyone here to give you the answers because it’s such a personal decision. I woke up from surgery not even sure anything was done , I felt so good . I went into it with a positive outlook but I’m sure if I had complications I may think differently.. it’s all your choice to make on your own.

So I was of the mind set because of many past experience’s in the gym that I should not go too heavy with my weights till I’m closer to maintenance because I may have some scale stalls well, I tell ya.. since I have practically NO muscle tone and a lot of loose skin I am at the point that I’d like to push myself even if my thighs and arms increase in size ( I never minded looking muscular) I’d rather them jacked than skinny and flabby... I once trained for a woman’s naturals ( ahem, 30 plus years ago) and I had to do cardio and heavy weights , I wasn’t small but very toned and defined.. i know if I start to stall I will freak... I’m torn... should I wait and get close to my goal and lose more fat with cardio? Or, should I go heavy and fill in with the muscle and look how I like to look!.. and probably take longer to get the scale down..I weigh 163 and I’m 5-4” with a goal weight of 140 ...

It comes and goes.. recently I went to a fund raiser and could only eat salad with no dressing... I was so crabby , next time I’ll bring what I can eat even if it’s just for me..these changes can make us feel resentful but I look at it this way.. at 55 I hit my quota on bad food like 20 years ago.Eating that food brought me to the most unhealthy place I could be and I view the stuff I can’t have like drugs or alcohol to other addicts and I focus on the people around me and not the food I don’t get to eat!

Put it in the past.. you are different now, no longer will a slip define you or lead to regression ... forgive yourself and get back on track and don’t look back !

Plastics are not an option for me either and I’m currently a size 8 , I guess my struggle is my proportions are off compared to the weight loses of the past( there have been many) my arms and legs are too thin in my opinion and my mid section is still thicker than it ever was even at a higher weight which makes me feel at 163 that 140 would definitely bring me to a smaller mid section but by then my legs will be sticks and I’m not liking my current shape at all.. I guess I should go for it and build that muscle in the legs and arms and forget numbers.. there is a current photo for my profile that’s a month old and I see the disproportionate shape from legs to mid section that seems new to me from any other time I have gotten this low.. now I know I’m older but it just seems different... could it be how rapidly I’ve lost compared to the past? Perhaps .

Surgery date: 2/4/19 surgery RNY HW: 240 hgt. 5-4” pre-op 226 current wgt. 163 goal:140

“If I stall I will freak” sounds silly but my thinking has been so skewed from years of indoctrination that the scale numbers mean something... if I didn’t feel accountable by a WLS team who put emphasis on numbers I might not be so torn . Add to that I’m losing rapidly and that feels soo good... all those around me seem to be numbers focused as well "how much are you down now?!”..I can be a small 140 (but flabby) or thicker but more toned... it sounds like a no brainer unless you are the Queen of overthinking (ME)... trying to explain a stall like that would not be believed by my nutritionist.. that’s 💯

Throw a handful away... brilliant, I’m on it..having them in my hand though, what if they pop up into my mouth unwittingly... could happen?🥴

I have a pair of very old gap jeans and a boho top from back in the day.. last time I rocked those babies I was listening to Joni Mitchell on a Saturday, no kids around ... cup of tea and some incense..I’m a few pounds away from wearing them and recreating that moment but, it’s coming soon !! It sounds like a minuscule goal but the last time I felt really peaceful and healthy was that day and I’m starting to feel the old me coming back and I miss her!

Can’t really move them out of my sight since they are for everyone... the huge container has significantly less than last night so people are going to town on them and I’m sure it won’t be long before they are gone... it’s not really about the Cheese balls , I think it’s about mourning the loss of a go to behavior from the past... people here are eating with gusto and I miss that.. but believe me not enough to EVER go back to my old ways.. this obsession with the Cheese balls makes me realize how easy it would be to slip back and I was over confident that I had that all behind me and I have more work to do than I thought.. Cheese balls 😪😡

That is awful , sometimes it really sux when we can’t tolerate an old food which we once considered healthy and get sick . At least you know we get it and you can vent. Good luck with the interview, let us know how You did !

I’m so sorry, good luck to you and I’m praying a dilation will occur and it is possible it might but, you need that appointment with a gastro and tests.. best of luck 💜

Yes , yes and yes... we have lots of elderly clients at my job and for the most part they are well groomed , well coifed little darlings... but then there are a few who smell like rancid depends and Avon’s honeysuckle and I am literally 🤢🤢🤢🤢But , I also appreciate some smells more.. oranges , since my acid reflux has been healed by my RNY I can eat oranges... I squeeze the skin to smell the Orange essence... love it.. maybe I’ll keep some at work for under my nose 🥴

The only piece of advice that I got from therapy is find a habit to replace the old behavior, but first you have to catch yourself not being mindful. This is a feat in itself. I listen to subliminal affirmations with music on YouTube and now beginners yoga . I still think of food way more than is healthy and although I haven’t cheated with any of my trigger foods I have great days and some days I white knuckle it through and use every tool in my box to not revert to those old stinkin thinking behaviors of days gone by.. I don’t know if I will ever win the war but I e won a lot of battles and I will never give up trying to have a proper perspective of food!

YAS!!!! This is me as well!! There are days and meals as well . One different from the next day to day . Some days I feel like I didn’t have surgery and others one bite of anything and it’s stuck or I feel the foamies approaching so I stop at 2 bites and it can be the same food effecting me differently on different days .. I believe it helps me in some weird way ???? I haven’t stalled at 4 1/2 months so SOMETHING is working so I consider the big pouch/ little pouch days as new normal!

I am the poster girl for emotional eating or at least I am trying not to be . I have been food addicted since 8 years old, old mindsets are extremely hard to break and may never be broken.. nowadays I concentrate on using food as medicine and I try to get my protein and water in and there’s not much room for more . I still think about food more than I should even as I’m inching to goal . I had a therapist who wasn’t a great fit and am on the hunt for a new one.. finding one who has training in food addiction or eating disorders is my goal and no matter my co pay I have to stick with therapy as a major tool to avoid mindless eating . I tried going it alone too long and my journey to not only feel and look better needs to include keeping food in its proper prospective.

I had lost and gained weight so many times In my life starting at age 12 with kiddie weight watchers! No matter what age I don’t feel over weight at 140 even if it has said I was on old weight charts in the past. I have been an exercise fanatic off and on as well and have always had some fair amount of muscle tone that was covered up in 100 lbs of excess fat for a long while now .. I’m determined to be at goal at 150 at 5 feet 4” even if it’s still considered over weight because at 55 years old even at 167 my face is starting to look too thin as well as my legs and even with weight training I don’t seem to be able to put the muscle back in my legs to make myself look proportionate to my 55 year old mid section of a woman who gave birth and stretched her skin out... my 4 th child will be entering college so there is nothing in the budget for skin removal as well.. if I can’t tone it I’ll fake tan it and learn to accept my progress that’s not leading to my idea of my perfection.

I have had 2 dumping experiences both with foods that were suppose to be healthy. With my protein goals to meet first and then veggies and some fruit , I don’t have much more room for starchy stuff... I try to use food as medicine. If there was a quota for unhealthy food I think I hit that amount 20 years ago.. pasta, bread , potatoes even sweet potatoes I know I can get pretty obsessed about so I haven’t tried them , not just to avoid not feeling good but if what I am doing now is getting to my goals I’m not trying anything different.. will I incorporate some of my favorite stuff down the line at maintenance, not sure yet. My daughter had the sleeve and she looks amazing and eats everything in moderation so I know it’s possible... I’m just to anxious to fail to risk going back to triggers foods and I may not ever be able to and that’s ok. I feel satisfied with what I get to eat.

Thank you, Poignant post and I totally agree!

I absolutely regret nothing. I wasn’t even sure I had anything done I felt marvelous and was the top walker on my floor as soon as I could.. I had my eyes on the prize and it was finding my way back to my true self.. I wore my heartache in ever pound I carried and I knew, though surgery was only a tool . I would make it work . I chose RNY because I had Barrett’s esophagus and terrible acid reflux . I was able to tolerate more than most and was worried from day 1 I would stretch my little pouch but I have not. Since surgery ( February 4) my daddy past , my son with autism has had 3 inconclusive tests for thyroid cancer and the hubby hit his head and got a concussion... this Saturday my awesomely autistic boy is ...wait for it......Valedictorian!!!!!!!.... right now without surgery I would be 40 lbs heavier from stress, alienated from people because I’d be home eating my feelings... not now. Now I’m grabbing life by the B&$&S. Choosing life over eating myself numb... getting the right course of treatment for my son and sending him off to college will be a challenge.. without surgery I would not be up for it..follow your heart... what ever path you need to get well... GRAB IT!

I totally understand , somehow what I thought a 70 lb. weight loss would look like doesn’t coincide with what I DO look like and obviously I am looking at how much longer I have to go instead of where I have come from. I also don’t believe it when people tell me how good I look . When someone compliments me I rattle off how much more I still have to go. I wish I could accept my success. Sometimes all I see is a wrinkly neck and sagging skin... but there are really good days as well.. is still never go back and the good way out weighs the bad. All we can do is change what we can and accept the flaws and not expect perfection .

I’d love to renew my vows in a nice boho gown on the beach... it’s been my dream but my weight stopped me... 28 lbs to goal and I’m considering it☺️