When people say something mean or insulting to someone and then say (or act like) it was just a joke, that is their way of relieving themselves of the guilt of insulting that person. In their mind they know they mean it, but if you take offense, it is your problem -- since they said it was a joke! Don't let your husband or children do this to you. It not only affects you, but even more it sets a stage for how your sons will treat their wives. Stop this abuse now for your future daughter-in-laws sake if not your own.