BrighterSide

I understand to some extent (no-one has walked in your shoes obviously). I cried beforehand too asking myself who was I to subject my family to the risk of major surgery and my potential loss just to lose weight I should have moved more and eaten less to lose... ...then I looked back at each of my attempts and attempts by peers that ended up worse than useless. All the cyclical guilt and progressive chipping away of ability and heart to try again. Then I looked back at the stats that said it's not just me. 90% of dieters regain. Then the stats for serious heart, bone, and blood disorders I was suffering or almost certain to suffer soon. Would I catch some mysteriously different wave, despite the painful joints and crushing self loathing that kept me in the house whenever there was a choice? Would I get enough weight off to counter those almost certain ill effects? How many more years with my family would I lose before I got there, if I got there? Then I looked at the success rates currently known and the safety record for these surgeries for my surgeon and his team because I had managed that risk pretty hard with research. Then I reckoned, even if I had moderate regain, it would like be 2 or so years going in the right direction. 2 or so years not going another morbidly obese BMI data point higher. 2 odd years to reset and regain some mobility and motivation even if I'm only as successful as the 30% who struggle the most to lose. It all added up to a good choice. A brave choice. A kick start and a tool to gift to the strong, resilient, courageous me that has been hiding from a world too stupid to see the help you needed. Then I did look at the identity I'd forged since being a fat five year old. I'd never been 'normal', never been classically 'attractive', but I'd mostly enjoyed not having to compete on the modern beauty playing field...it always looked an utter waste of money, time, and energy. Not chuffed at the prospect of being involuntarily judged on that yardstick in future if I'm booted out of the fat pigeonhole. I was comfy telling folk to f-off from my cosy corner of the fat pigeon hole because I was usually better than them at my job, and generally at being a worthwhile human. So that will be interesting, but hey, 5 weeks post sleeve I'm already ready to tell them to bring it on. Plus thanks to folk like Jamilla Jamil and many others it's a far leveller playing field. A long, long, long and flowery way of saying it is of course your choice, but I suspect you didn't make it lightly and all the reasons you are here haven't gone away. I hope you find your peace soon. xxx

@bajansleeve Your post also, apparently, put a rocket up my behind. A real fists clenched 'NO MORE' moment. Found my closest consultant member of the British Menopause Society. Called and found out they take referrals from outside their local NHS catchment area, called my GP and asked how best to get a referral. Threw myself on receptionist mercy to identify a sympathetic doctor Vs the first one they could find, now have a phone appointment in 10 days to get that referral to consultant gynaecologist. Whoohoo! Here's hoping GP doesn't fob me off Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

Thanks for that. Your reply made me cry. I have been going to my doctor about what I saw as perimenopausal symptoms for 5 years. The response every time was that there was no point testing me and there was nothing they could do and anyway it was probably because I was fat or stressed so until I had that under control a referral was a waste of time. One of my key drivers for weight loss surgery has been to go back to the doctor and say...look, I still barely drink, I quit smoking over a year ago, I work from home 4 days a week now (largely due to being too broken to do otherwise), and I just dropped X stone. Refer me or I will chain myself to your desk and report wilful medical negligence leading to cardiac and bone problems to everyone I can reach with my not inconsiderable social media presence linked to my day job.Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

Thank you both for simply acknowledging the post. I've got pre-surgery problems to solve work-wise and have always tended towards the bi-polar. Calmer tonight. Not least cos my fabulous other half just let me sob for 20 minutes while keeping kids clear. I've been such an odious PMS-like hair-trigger mess on and off and last couple of days family got it in the neck as couldn't vent at boss or clients. New routines. All about new routines. And decent bed times. Must get back to that. Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

Thank you :-). It's more arranging than cooking, but I'm a sucker for good looking food. Why puree stage was such a nightmare!Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

I might well do that :-) Ta for the invite :-) Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

Thanks for that. Will search out the powders. Heading back to gym in the next couple of weeks and want this under control. Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

So glad it might help :-) Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

If it's not added processed sugar then I wouldn't fret. I get 40-50g sugar daily, but it's primarily lactose from fortified (added milk powder) milk drinks I drink in preference to Protein Shakes. Average about 800cals total for all food and drink, 65-75 Protein. I don't knowingly eat any processed sugar and losing on track. The milk was drs orders. Guessing they were concerned about Calcium too. Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

I hate that whey protein flavour too. Have very sensitive taste. How do you get on with milk? I had 300ml semi-skim or 1% with 30g skim milk powder and no added sugar milkshake flavor or decaf coffee espresso shot. Sipped over time That combo gives approx 22g protein and counts towards fluid intake. At this stage sounds like any way to keep you nourished is the right idea. Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

First NSV - Looked at my poor bruised (blood thinner injections), scarred, and stretchmarked stomach and apron and felt sorry for them instead of angry with then for the first time. Reclaimed them as part of me rather than the disgusting traitors and have begun moisturising and looking after them along with my other overlapping and swinging bulgy bits. Accepted they'll still be there albeit deflated, so may's well be at peace with them :-) HW: 263 SW: 256 (21st Jan) CW: 238 Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

Sleeved 21st Jan, approx 7kg down. On soft foods, getting 650-820ish calories on board. Hitting av. 68g protein and 1.75litres fluid a day. Walking almost every day (missed one). But of an afternoon/evening I just cannot get warm. Sat here with OH and kids in T-Shirts and I'm in a ski jacket with legs cold in jeans, feet cold in socks, and nose/fingers really cold. Do I need to worry? What should I do differently? If 'No' and 'nothing', will this go away? Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

To those who have said they look forward to summer it has given me some hope for many things including not sweating my way through everything in summer and not sweating when I am asked to do presentations for work. Part an anxiety flop sweat cos it involved standing up in front of a 90% male dominated group of peers to be judged, and part a fat sweat cycle as venues were always boiling and knowing how bad the sweating fat woman optic was made me sweat more, and so on. If that cycle gets broken it will be worth every gas pain, pureed meal, and frozen extremity. Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

Liked then unliked cos...well what's to like about being fffing freezing (typed jitterily fully clothed and under a fleecy blanket in a house I'm assured is 21°C)Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

I'm so sorry you have that to cope with too [emoji853] Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

Thank you for that heads up. I don't see my team until 7th March so may well call. No signs of DVT. Went home with 30 days of self injections of thinners, but very carefully to look out for any symptoms (OH has a clotting disorder diagnosed after 2 saddle PEs, so we're hyper vigilant anyway).

You really need to call your surgeon and/or your doctor if the pain doesn't pass or if it comes with a temperature. Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

Thank you for that! The silver lining sounds like bliss after years of balancing the bingo wings Vs boiling alive equation for work every heat wave. If it's 3-4 weeks of teeth gritting then binning that trauma as trade off I'll be fine :-) Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

Thank you for the solidarity. I felt like I was being a wuss, but I've always been very sensitive to texture with food. I've survived since doing similar to what you proposed. Had the family recipe Pasta Sauce whizzed up with veg, but very very finely chopped very soft chicken breast and had a few bits of grated cheese with. Did the same with some salmon and a low low fat soft cheese with teeny tiny bits of chopped up Cucumber in it. Then chicken and gravy. All total mush when chewed a couple of times and no stomach complaints. I know that's kinda cheating Vs just blitzing the heck out of it all, but did reckon Drs try to protect those who perhaps aren't cooks or can't afford the great tender cuts of meat and fish fillets I'm lucky enough to be able to. Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

Smoked Salmon Salad Light, fresh, and with a much needed crunch. 50g Any smoked salmon chopped fine. 30g Cucumber peeled deseeded and chopped small 1 Cherry tomato deseeded and chopped fine Salt Pepper Tiny touch crushed garlic 2 Tsp Lemon juice (fresh best, but meh) 2 - 3 Tsp Lightest cream cheese (I use Philadelphia Lightest. 3g fat per 100) Get half this quantity down right now, but save for later. Could pair with crispbread or crackers if on solids, or whizz, like me, for purees. Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

I've been big since I was a child. 7st 7yr old 10st 10 year old, but lived life in spite of it. Was never inactive by any stretch of imagination, but puberty coincided with starting judo (10yrs), and playing club hockey. Slimmed to 10.5st 5'2" 15yr old. Always got called or treated like I was fat sometimes. Crushed me when someone that mattered did it or was done in front of someone like that, but mainly ploughed through and became very good at jobs while still avoiding teambuilding paintball, golf or clubbing type stuff. Generally didn't do party clothes and parties. Actually had benefits. I was the curiously confident big woman who knew her technical stuff, could write incredibly well, and inflienc decision makers. I got judged, more generously (ironically), than traditionally shaped attractive women in my overwhelmingly male dominated field BECAUSE I was an anomaly. Felt attractive when confident and fat when not. Did the shocked at unmatched image in Windows thing, and inability to fit through gaps in restaurants despite head telling me I was narrow enough, but all within bounds of considering myself 'big'...because I had never been anything else. Big ramp up to morbid obesity since DD2 9yrs ago and working from home more (blessing and curse). Hit me fully and destroyed ability to put on the game face when I became constantly mortified at overlapping train and airline seats, hearing grumbles when folks had to sit next to me. I also couldn't attend or speak at industry events without getting red and flop sweating (part unfitness, part heat at all such events, part spiralling anxiety at sweating, knowing how bad a visual fat woman sweating is, then sweating more). When I became a virtual recluse and depression/anxiety threated my livelihood and arthritis started in knees cos of both weight and apparent early menopause (42), enough was enough. Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

Just had a clear out of clothes. Only 3 weeks post op, but this was overdue. Was at the stage of having to empty overfull draws every time I wanted to find the desired black item among other black items, delving past stuff I hadn't worn for ages. OH helped do the Keep/Bin/Donate routine. Then part way through I began to cry. He's put up so kindly with enough waterworks these last couple of weeks and was concerned, but I explained it was happy tears. I was keeping smaller clothes with the very real expectation I would be able to wear them, binning ragged old faithfuls that were beginning to get loose, and donating huge misguided attempts to fill holes in my work or social wardrobe that never got returned. Very necessary. So glad it's been done. First time in my life the hope has truly begun to creep in. Very fragile hope, but stronger every day I put the work in :-) Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

Planning to eBay my way through spring/summer on a kind of rotating buy/sell cycle :-) Don't expect to break even, but you never know. Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

Posted that I was a tearful mess at the exact same point as you. Sleeved 21st Jan and had my meltdown couple of days ago so you're right on schedule for the come down off all the drama and hormonal rollercoaster. Be kind to yourself and hope things steady soon. I have evened out today, but not relying on it. Folk here really helped. Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk

This seems incredibly low. I'm not a medic, but I'm aware of calorie intake recommended for patients on complete bed rest. It's much higher than even the 800kcal pre-op diet too. Also thinking of the range of physiologies this covers if it's standard. Fascinated to see other opinions. Sent from my ONEPLUS A3003 using Tapatalk