LadyHermit

Okay, so....I've posted very little here. First post was in....January I think. Long story short, I spent a year and a half being bounced around by the clinic and my insurance. Finally got the approval in June, and I got sleeved on Tuesday the 9th. 80% of my stomach was removed, and I was told by my surgeon that I had a lot of scar tissue removed caused by my old lap band. I won't lie. It's been...rough. One incision gives me pain because it tugs when I move. The hospital stay sucked, but amazingly, I haven't puked once. When I first woke up post-op, the gas pain was *horrific.* And I think the nurses are sadists for making you get out of bed the day of. So that sucked. But I can get around well enough. I've done remarkably well. I had to do the liquid diet for three days pre op. It. Was. Torture. No solid food. I went insane. Fantasized about onion rings and mozzarella sticks and other random food. Now in the full liquids stage for about another...week and a half or so, roughly. I have to do Baricare three times a day, and let me tell you. It's disgusting. It tastes like...watered down sugarfree Nesquick, but worse somehow. I don't know if I can do this for the rest of my life, especially the supplements. I know the Baricare is temporary but I *hate* it. What I wouldn't give for a cheeseburger or any real food, really. And soda. Caffeine. I want the things that are "bad" for me. Well. I will want them. Nutritionist says I can never have pizza or fried foods or fast foods or....salami, bacon, pepperoni, corned beef....nothing I actually like, basically. The post op diet SUCKS a lot. I can basically never enjoy food again. No compromise. Nothing with salt. Nothing that makes anything taste well...good. I know, I know, complain, complain, complain but I regret doing this. It's....worse than I thought it would be. This all feels like nothing short of torture. Yeah, this might add decades to my life but for what? I can never eat anything I like ever again because mean nutritionist lady put it on the never again list. It's everything I liked. No more visiting my grandma, no more participating in family holidays, no more going out to eat...and damn, the grocery store is going to be downright depressing from now on. I'm going to miss out on a lot it feels like. I may be glad I did it someday, but boy am I feeling buyer's remorse in full effect. I knew what I was getting into but did it anyways because my endo badgered me into it because my Diabetes was...pretty bad. I am just...depressed and want to go back to some of my old bad habits because this just....doesn't feel worth it.

Full disclosure: I am going through a lot of emotions with this and well...a bit like an alcoholic, the world is full of temptation. My nutritionist and surgeon have an all or nothing approach. Now I very well KNOW that I will never, ever be able to eat at the same level I used to, nor should I be able to. But it was the lack of compromise that got me. It being all or nothing. Black and white. Like...I can't have the things I like in *some* moderation as long as I behave myself? And there may be things I avoid because I can no longer tolerate them. It just feels like I'll have to miss out on a lot if I want to stick to this diet faithfully. I live in the south, land of chicken fried steak so....yeah. I may feel differently as time goes on, but I just had to whine and vent. I signed up for this. I knew what I was getting into mostly. But I know the nutritionist won't be sympathetic to my struggles and will be a hard@$$ about it. What's the point of missing out on one of life's greatest pleasures, which is food? I feel like I will barely want to leave my own house without the promise of a treat like Taco Bell or a burger anymore. Just feeling bitter that I had to do this. Wish I'd postponed or...I dunno. I just...don't know.

Hey, I was done on the 9th too! I won't lie it's been a huge challenge. This BariCare stuff they have me on is gross and I have to force it down three times daily. Blergh. And protein powder....noooot a fan. Cheers from the depths of liquid diet hell, lol.

Thanks guys. Just...the idea that my stomach's gonna be cut on makes me squirm. Painkillers. Netflix. All the sugarfree popsicles and water I want. Protein drinks. My cats. First week is gonna be rough, no lie. Eating some snacks tonight as a last hurrah before I go on liquid sabbatical. Gulp.

Tuesday July 9th for me. Tomorrow is my last day of solid eating....then I go on clear liquid sabbatical on Saturday. I won't lie. I'm scared. I try not to think too much about it. Just...getting through it. I can do it.

Was unsure how to title this but well...I'm a newbie here, but a long time lurker. Thing is, I've been going through this whole process for over a year. Jumped through all the hoops. Have to go for another meeting with the nutritionist on Monday. Insurance hasn't approved me yet, so kind of in limbo. Full disclosure, I'm also experienced with WLS. I have a failed lap band that I'll be getting removed. I also have a hietal (sp?) hernia that causes me to choke and vomit food up that I'll be getting fixed. Plus, I need my gallbladder removed. That's a proud family tradition of mine, lol. So I'll be getting about....four procedures rolled into one. My type 2 Diabetes is kind of a wild card, along with other myriad health issues. I know that this is the best for me. I need to lose around a hundred pounds. But I'll be perfectly honest. I'm terrified. My emotions swing wildly and I feel...ambivalent. Yeah, I've got emotional eating issues. I'm addicted to soda (that's especially tough to give up) and the nutritionist is just....I basically have to give up EVERYTHING I like, it feels like. No more pizza. No more burgers. No more salami or sausage or anything with starches like potatoes or pasta. Well...you get the point. I'll be consigned to boiled vegetables and chicken. That's what it feels like. I mean, I have to give up everything I like, basically. It's a hard transition. I'm hoping to be approved in February or March at the latest. I have started drinking the protein shakes, and found I like Atkins best. Premiere protein shakes have a weird after taste that I don't care for. I guess I'm looking for...I dunno. Encouragement. Support? Courage? Someone to tell me that it'll all be okay? I feel like I just...need a little hand holding. My emotions are....all over the place. Mostly it's terror of all I'll have to give up. It feels like such a big sacrifice.

Hah, thanks. Yeah, I was supposed to get this done back in oh...November or December, but things got kind of held up. The holidays rolled around, I was mentally prepared to do it but then...well. New years's came and it felt like I lost my nerve. Part of me wants to chicken out. I tell myself it won't be so bad and that I can do it. I talk myself up thinking how miserable it's gonna be and how bad it's gonna suck but really it's....not so terrible. I can do this. I guess it's normal to have some mixed feelings about it. I've never seen anyone that regretted it in the long term. I'll probably regret it in the SHORT term, but that....will pass over. But see what I mean by the swinging emotions? I can't do this, I can do this....lol. This is also why I got a therapist. 😛 To help me...navigate some of this post-op.