justmetj

I haven't checked in for a long time. Thought I'd give an update. So after getting within 15 pounds of my goal, which was 167 the last time I posted, which was approx 16 months after surgery, I little by little started to slide into some old habits - using food for comfort, not eating enough protein, filling up on carbs, etc etc.  As of 3/31/19 I hit another bottom. I'd gone back up to 213 (my top weight was 241) and I was physically miserable and it was impacting my mental and spiritual health. What I was eating was NOT feeding me in any way. My mother had passed away and I found myself avoiding grief by eating anything I wanted.  As of 4/1/19 I began by doing a month of Whole30 to eliminate foods that were causing me distress and inflammation. It was a wake up call I needed. My skin cleared up, my inflammation is in check, my eyes are clear, my body feels more energetic and I don't feel the need to nap everyday due to fatigue, I can take the stairs without dread, and I feel freedom from the effect of food - even peace - for the first time in my life. I did not get to this place of paying REAL attention to nutrition until I hit a bottom. I was one month from turning 55 and I knew if I didn't do something, I was going to really plunge into a despair I might not come back from.  I completely threw myself into learning how to cook from a place of health, not putting butter and cheese on everything to "flavor" it (including salad).  I've eliminate dairy, sugar and flour from my diet almost 100% and I've got a primarily Mediterranean diet at this point. My spiritual/mental/physical health is so much more important to me now. I'm feeling so grateful.  I am 178 pounds - and figure my body is going to find it's stopping point when it's ready. I feel committed to my health in ways I wasn't when I had the sleeve surgery. I thought I was ready to change, I really did, but I was not willing to admit that some foods not only trigger me, they plunge me into addiction and it's very hard for me to find my way back to peace with food once I jump off track.  So I make it my intention to stay clear of processed foods, junk food, fried food, the things that make me not only in full addict mode, but enhance my feelings of low self worth and depression.  If I don't have the first one, I don't have to eat the last.  It's doable. One day at a time.  If you had surgery and gained weight back - DO NOT DESPAIR - you can find your way to health. It may take time and it will surely take effort, but once you get to that place of being done hurting yourself, you will want something different so you'll do something different and find a path back to wellness. It took me a little over two years to feel "ready" to change. I have no more shame for being someone who gained weight after surgery (I sure did though...and it was painful), I feel open and willing and I know that my experience was mine to have.  If I can help anyone else feel hopeful that it's not too late, no matter how many times you've tried to heal yourself and better your health, then it will all have been worth it. I'm 55 and I can tell you from the bottom of my heart...it gets greater later. xoxo
PS I've attached some before and after pics. Some are before gastric sleeve surgery, some are from March of this year and now (before and after getting back on track).

Time for a status update:  
Yesterday marked my one year anniversary on Bariatricpal.com.  What a year it has been and I am so grateful for all the people here that have helped me along the way.  I'm also so grateful for @Alex Brecher for creating and maintaining this site for all of us.  I hope that my ongoing purchases of calcium and multivitamin supplements are enough to express my gratitude.  I'm a huge fan of the BariatricPal Multivitamin One 45.
I kept a journal starting in July of last year starting the 2nd day after I was serious about considering bariatric surgery.  Reading all the entries is very therapeutic to me. 
Looking back, I probably wouldn't have changed a thing about how I started and went through this process.  Almost everything has gone well in this journey for me.  Sure I've had my low points, but I seemed to have come out the other side very much in-tact. 
There's still a long road ahead once my real hunger returns, but I'm going to keep on the straight and narrow path of eating well and exercising every day until that happens and then some.
In celebration of my 1 year on this site, I thought I'd share one of my early personal journal entries:
 

So it's been a while since I posted - but progress has been amazing.
My VSG was 5/1/17.  I dropped to 220lbs and stayed there for some time.  This was a huge win for me - so I decided to take the next step and I met with an amazing plastic surgeon who helped me with the next step - excess skin removal.  There were three things that needed to be addressed 1) abdominal hernia's 2) panniculectomy and a 3) abdominoplasty.
First, talk to your plastic surgeon - I spoke with several, and these are expensive procedures - but I finally found a surgeon that advised me that the panniculectomy could be covered by health insurance - and it was - saving me nearly $5000.  Overall I still paid $7k out of pocket - but way better than the $12 - $14k that I had been quoted by others.
I had my reconstructive surgery 1 month ago - the surgeon removed 14lbs of skin and fat - and I dropped a few more pounds - and am now weighing in at 195.  My highest weight was 445lbs.  I way less than when I started high school - and I feel amazing - I am still recovering from the surgery because it is fairly invasive - so pics to follow - but what an amazing journey - I never thought I would get here. 
My journey has been almost 14 years - a failed lap band, massive complications from that, weight gain and then struggling to gain the nerve to try again with the VSG - but my care team has been amazing - and I cannot thank them for giving me my life back.  At 52 I am the healthiest I have been since I was 14.  
Please remember, the journey can be tough, the struggles are real, the pain is there - but it's your life you are fighting for - and there is nothing more important than that.

Watching Dan + Shay on a Citi concert series ... Favorite song : Tequila 💜

I was sleeved February 15th at a weight of 228, I had lost 10 pounds the previous week while on a low carb pre-op diet.  By mid-March I was around 215, mid-April I weighed around 210, mid-May around 205 and mid-June around 202.  So I have been losing very slowly even though I have been very active and watching what I eat.  The last 2 weeks has been really odd as I was in Singapore for work and lost .5kg during the week, usually I gain on work trips.  Then since being home the last 6 days I have lost 5 pounds.  I have not seen this consistent weight loss since the first 10 days of surgery.  I am thinking my body is finally giving up on holding onto the extra weight.  I kept telling myself that at some point my weight has to go down, my calories are regularly around 900-1,100 calories per day.         
The good thing about this slow losing - no one has questioned my weight loss since it appears very slow and natural.  Other than my husband no one knows I had surgery and I intend to keep it that way.  

Never thought I would say this, but I think I've lost enough weight.
My goal was originally 120 lbs, and I think I'm going to stop where I am (127.3 lbs).  I'm about to size myself out of the smallest of sizes of women's clothing and I really don't want to sport a wardrobe from Gap Kids (which, btw, I actually wore this morning...my jacket felt so loose on me and its just a little too cold today to go jacket-less, so I put on the Kid's old windbreaker that she wore 2 years ago: Gap Kids size 12. Seriously.  I'm wearing my kid's hand-me-downs.  What is happening??)
I don't really understand though why when I was in my 20's, when I weighed less than I do right now, was I actually bigger than I am right now.  I still have clothes that I wore in my 20's that I am swimming in these days *scratches head*.
...and since I plan to get some PS done in August, I figure whatever skin they chop off of me will get me down closer to 120 without having to lose any more fat and/or muscle and/or overall bulk.
Soooooo....now I have to figure out how to do the maintenance thing.

home from GA. grand-daughter HS grad - she was the best! are you surprised?!! good to be home and back to you guys - missed you all!! - kathy

Tomorrow is the big day!

The count down is on! 10/1/19 here I come.....

May 8th, get ready for me!