chameleon

I was just missing you all and thought i would post just to say im still alive. I started chemo a couple of months ago. I have just finised the second round and today i feel pretty good...actually almost normal with the help of some friendly pain meds. Most of my hair has fallen out again, but I just can't stand to wear a wig so I go around wth a do rag on my head. Actually I am developing quite the collection of do rags with the help of my friend Judy who has been creative enough to make me a bunch of them with sparkly sequins and all! Anyhow, I was just thinkin, maybe I shouldn't totally give up on the band yet. Maybe after Im done with chemo I will think about it again. No need to die fat huh?? ttyl Love, :kiss2:me

I was just missing you all and thought i would post just to say im still alive. I started chemo a couple of months ago. I have just finised the second round and today i feel pretty good...actually almost normal with the help of some friendly pain meds. Most of my hair has fallen out again, but I just can't stand to wear a wig so I go around wth a do rag on my head. Actually I am developing quite the collection of do rags with the help of my friend Judy who has been creative enough to make me a bunch of them with sparkly sequins and all! Anyhow, I was just thinkin, maybe I shouldn't totally give up on the band yet. Maybe after Im done with chemo I will think about it again. No need to die fat huh?? ttyl Love, :kiss2:me

Yep, very very bad news. The pain is not arthritus or a herniated disk, it's bone cancer. I started radiation 2 weeks ago and I will start chemo on April 12. The prognosis sucks..2-3 years maybe up to 5 if I'm lucky. I pray for 5 as long as I'm not in excrutiating pain. I need to see my 15 year old son graduate High School. I need so much more than this..... I'm sorry to be writing about this on here, but I am so sad and I try not to cry too much at home because I don't want my kids to remember me like that. My family is very supportive but its just hard to get a death sentence. I wanted you all to know that I love you and I appreciate all of the wonderful help and support you have always given me. I'm gonna ask for one more thing though. Please put me on your prayer chains. I believe in the power of prayer and the power of love and of human compassion and I know that if a miracle could happen that your prayers might bring one on. Here's my info: Donna Cartwright 11696 New Buffalo Road North Lima, OH 44452 Love, Donna:help:

Yep, very very bad news. The pain is not arthritus or a herniated disk, it's bone cancer. I started radiation 2 weeks ago and I will start chemo on April 12. The prognosis sucks..2-3 years maybe up to 5 if I'm lucky. I pray for 5 as long as I'm not in excrutiating pain. I need to see my 15 year old son graduate High School. I need so much more than this..... I'm sorry to be writing about this on here, but I am so sad and I try not to cry too much at home because I don't want my kids to remember me like that. My family is very supportive but its just hard to get a death sentence. I wanted you all to know that I love you and I appreciate all of the wonderful help and support you have always given me. I'm gonna ask for one more thing though. Please put me on your prayer chains. I believe in the power of prayer and the power of love and of human compassion and I know that if a miracle could happen that your prayers might bring one on. Here's my info: Donna Cartwright 11696 New Buffalo Road North Lima, OH 44452 Love, Donna:help:

Well, I haven't been on here for awhile. Just as I was about to get insurance approval I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in my hip bone on Jan 23rd after about 2 months of unexplained pain. Yeah...sucks, but it has really made me realize something. All my life I have worried about being fat. Now I worry about living long enough to see my son graduate from High School. I could care less about this extra 120 pounds that I have on me. It used to be 145 but I have lost 22 pounds in the last 8 weeks due to pain meds that make me sick to my stomach so that everything except ginger ale and soda crackers come right back up. I started radiation 2 weeks ago and have had 10 treatments so far. It has shrunk the tumor that had grown through my pelvic bone and was preventing me from walking without extreme pain. I can now walk almost without pain, but only for short periods of time. I don't want to go on abou this, just wanted to let some of you who read my journal whats going on. I Love you all and good luck in your quest. I know that God will do what he thinks is best for all of us.

I finally got my MRI done on Thursday. No results back yet but at least the Orthopaedic Surgeon gave me a perscription for darvicet which has helped. I have not heard back about whether or not Cleveland Clinis is ready to resubmit to the insurance company or not and they seem to be too busy to call me back....well I won't give up. I am in better spirits today and I am still very hopeful Thanks to all my buds out there!

I finally got my MRI done on Thursday. No results back yet but at least the Orthopaedic Surgeon gave me a perscription for darvicet which has helped. I have not heard back about whether or not Cleveland Clinis is ready to resubmit to the insurance company or not and they seem to be too busy to call me back....well I won't give up. I am in better spirits today and I am still very hopeful Thanks to all my buds out there!

I am still in terrible pain with what they are calling arthritus in my hip. I am unable to sleep without taking pain pills, vicodin to be exact and the Dr's are so afraid of getting in trouble for perscribing htem that they don't want to write a prescription for me. I don't know what to do about this though! I just took the last one which I have been metering them out and trying very hard to make them last at least so that I have something available to take some of the edge off this pain so I can fall asleep for awhile at night. The pain doesn't seem so bad in the morning and in the early afternoon, but as the day gets later I get more and more miserable...and mean. Chronic pain makes a person mean and crazy I think. I am not this person! Ifeel so helpless and the Dr's just say Oh we'll see how you are in a couple of weeks and then I have to discreetly beg for medicine and they finally relent and five me a perscription for like 12 or something. 12 will last me 4 days, I know I sound like a crack whore but I am not! I do not like to have to take these but I also have to sleep and I have to go to work and I have to function! There is no position that I have found that gives me any reief...none so there is nothing that I can even do. Sometimes I am afraid because I get so crazy with pain that I will get up at 1,2 3,4,5 in the morning and just wander the house looking for anything, something that might help. I take ibuprofen by the gross, drink some vodka, take a couple of otc sleeping pills, drink Nyquil, anything to help me fall asleep and not feel pain for a couple of hours. I was watching HOUSE MD the other night and I thought..."really what the hell does a person do when they are in chronic pain like that???" I mean I completely love and empathise with his character! I cry in bed every night that I don't have any pain meds, I don't cry myself to sleep, I just lay there and cry. I do sleep for 2 or 3 hours a night just out of exhaustion but otherwise I pace the house and cry. I am sooo tired and sooo frustrated and I don't know what to do.

I am still in terrible pain with what they are calling arthritus in my hip. I am unable to sleep without taking pain pills, vicodin to be exact and the Dr's are so afraid of getting in trouble for perscribing htem that they don't want to write a prescription for me. I don't know what to do about this though! I just took the last one which I have been metering them out and trying very hard to make them last at least so that I have something available to take some of the edge off this pain so I can fall asleep for awhile at night. The pain doesn't seem so bad in the morning and in the early afternoon, but as the day gets later I get more and more miserable...and mean. Chronic pain makes a person mean and crazy I think. I am not this person! Ifeel so helpless and the Dr's just say Oh we'll see how you are in a couple of weeks and then I have to discreetly beg for medicine and they finally relent and five me a perscription for like 12 or something. 12 will last me 4 days, I know I sound like a crack whore but I am not! I do not like to have to take these but I also have to sleep and I have to go to work and I have to function! There is no position that I have found that gives me any reief...none so there is nothing that I can even do. Sometimes I am afraid because I get so crazy with pain that I will get up at 1,2 3,4,5 in the morning and just wander the house looking for anything, something that might help. I take ibuprofen by the gross, drink some vodka, take a couple of otc sleeping pills, drink Nyquil, anything to help me fall asleep and not feel pain for a couple of hours. I was watching HOUSE MD the other night and I thought..."really what the hell does a person do when they are in chronic pain like that???" I mean I completely love and empathise with his character! I cry in bed every night that I don't have any pain meds, I don't cry myself to sleep, I just lay there and cry. I do sleep for 2 or 3 hours a night just out of exhaustion but otherwise I pace the house and cry. I am sooo tired and sooo frustrated and I don't know what to do.:scared:

Ok, well I am bored so I thought I would write about my stupid ass hip and leg dilemma. In the beginning of October my herniated disk started to bother me again...it hasn't for like 5 years...so then it went into sciatica in my right leg and then my right hip started hurting with pain radiating down my leg. I have been seeing a chiropractor and my Doc for three months for this now, I have had an xray which shows the same thing as 5 years ago, degnerative disk aka arthritus in my lower lumbar region..nothing new...but this hip/leg pain is now excrutiating and constant. I will be seeing an orthopedic surgeon next week to see what he thinks but I am ready to saw my leg off right now! I told ya I was bored...why am I writing about this??? bye bye

Ok, well I am bored so I thought I would write about my stupid ass hip and leg dilemma. In the beginning of October my herniated disk started to bother me again...it hasn't for like 5 years...so then it went into sciatica in my right leg and then my right hip started hurting with pain radiating down my leg. I have been seeing a chiropractor and my Doc for three months for this now, I have had an xray which shows the same thing as 5 years ago, degnerative disk aka arthritus in my lower lumbar region..nothing new...but this hip/leg pain is now excrutiating and constant. I will be seeing an orthopedic surgeon next week to see what he thinks but I am ready to saw my leg off right now! I told ya I was bored...why am I writing about this??? bye bye

Well it's 2007 and I am still not banded. I have my last meetintg with the Dr. on Jan 8, prior to them re-submitting my stuff to insurance. I am really hoping and praying for a Feb. surgery date....keep your fingers crossed! Other stuff...I am battling a horrible cold/flu this week and spent New Years Eve in bed sick and today, New Years day I fell a little better, but still achy and fevery and stuffy...yuck. Anyhow, I think my daughter is moving back home for awhile to get her head on straight and hopefully to make college her priority rather than bf's which, as we all know, tend to complicate college and life in general sometimes. I am afraid she i just like me in that she feels that she can't be alone so she is always in some convoluted relationship or just breaking out of one as she is now. She is a beautiful intelligent girl too...she just needs to get a little confidence in herself and also to recognize more value in herself than she has in the past. When I say she is beautiful, I don't just say that as her mom but also objectively she really is a beauty. She could literally have any guy she wants but she always seems to get sucked in by loosers...Guys with no future, no ambition, selfish little weinees all of them. I don't know what to say or do except to try to help her identify patterns of behavior that put her at risk of picking up a loooooser. Oh well enough of that for now. GTG

Well it's 2007 and I am still not banded. I have my last meetintg with the Dr. on Jan 8, prior to them re-submitting my stuff to insurance. I am really hoping and praying for a Feb. surgery date....keep your fingers crossed! Other stuff...I am battling a horrible cold/flu this week and spent New Years Eve in bed sick and today, New Years day I fell a little better, but still achy and fevery and stuffy...yuck. Anyhow, I think my daughter is moving back home for awhile to get her head on straight and hopefully to make college her priority rather than bf's which, as we all know, tend to complicate college and life in general sometimes. I am afraid she i just like me in that she feels that she can't be alone so she is always in some convoluted relationship or just breaking out of one as she is now. She is a beautiful intelligent girl too...she just needs to get a little confidence in herself and also to recognize more value in herself than she has in the past. When I say she is beautiful, I don't just say that as her mom but also objectively she really is a beauty. She could literally have any guy she wants but she always seems to get sucked in by loosers...Guys with no future, no ambition, selfish little weinees all of them. I don't know what to say or do except to try to help her identify patterns of behavior that put her at risk of picking up a loooooser. Oh well enough of that for now. GTG