I_Said_NO

I really want to go back to school and do something completely different... the prospect is scary... another thing that keeps me up at night. Thanks for your input.

Oddly I did not face much of this in the early banding months... I seemed to have such satisfaction in the scale moving that that was my 'drug' of choice. But once the scale stopped moving, I had to start facing the demons that caused me to overeat in the first place. I'll get there... but it would be nice if the scale would move at the same time... there is something about having results for my efforts that helps get over the tough times.

It sure does... hence the 6 kids. LOL... I LOVE holding babies... my dh always sez, "ought oh" when he sees me holding a baby. He grins and knows what a joy it is for me. Thanks for your advice. Today has been a rotten one ... not food wise, just in general, and facing it head on and not numbing myself just makes it more intense... I can get through it. peace

I've been struggling to get over this hump. In the process I've developed awful headaches. I had my face turn numb and I thought I was or had had a stroke. I panicked a bit and went to the doctors. Turns out I have stress/tension headaches. I have been holding my neck, shoulders and teeth so tight that I caused this numbness. The cure? Stop stressing out. blah. LOL Here it is 2 weeks later and they have lessened but they are still here. I have some mental stress that is really not a big deal when you think of the nation as a whole... the economy, the swine flu, etc. My 'stress' right now is that my life is going through so many changes. I've been married for 25 years and our oldest is about to graduate from college, and my oldest son is about to go to college, my youngest, my little premie is about to start kindergarten. This would be the last to fly the coup. I'm struck with wondering what I should do. I've been a stay at home mom and a working mom. Neither is better than the other for the mom.:smile2: LOL. The kids do better with the first, and in some ways I did better with the later. :wink2:I was struck with an epiphany during all of this. I got fat by turning to food for EVERYTHING. Especially stress. There is something soothing and calming that happens when I eat. Numbing. And here I feel like with the band, I was dropped on this stressful island with no other way to cope, or at least all the other ways did not compare to the way a big mac and fries with a tall diet coke could. And there are countless other combination's that sooth the beast inside me. Now I have to cope, to learn more ways of dealing with whatever life throws me. It has not been easy. And perhaps these "stresses" are rather low on the stress-scale but heightened with the lack of stress-relieving-foods i have coped with for years. Even in my thin years I was using food to cope. Without the food to cover up my thoughts and my memories, past things are coming up and haunting me. Draining my confidence. But I can get through this. It is the past. I am the future. I am not losing, however, I am not gaining. And though it may not seem 'great' to most ... it has struck me recently, thanks to prayers and Gods mercy, that this is all part of the messy process. I want this to be a lifetime 'loss.' I've seen so many gain the weight back. (not just lapbanders, but GB, and others who did it sans surgery) ... That thought is scary. Just thinking of that now, makes me feel nauseous. Deep breath. I'm on my way. So I'm hanging in there. Facing anger, depression, stress, disappointments, and all without the food, not because my willpower is so great, but because my band is so tight. :biggrin: So thank you lap-band. And to you, reading this, thanks for being there, and for reading this far, it is a lot to expect strangers to stop their busy days and read my thoughts ... strangers that are sharing this same process. You've helped me in ways you do not even know. ty:thumbup:

Thanks so much for your replies. I took advice and went and bought some. I am really tight and Protein ... the thing that helps me lose the best... is very hard to digest. Especially tuna, salmon, chicken... so last night I intentionally ate tuna to see how it worked. It was wonderful and I did not over eat. ty ty ty:thumbup:

That is so true... 'eating around the band' ... I am v. tight right now and I'm kind of mad that I didn't just plan and work with the previous fill. This has limited me so much. Before I could eat egg for breakfast, and maybe 1/2 slice of toast. I could have a salad for lunch, etc. Now I have to have liquid for morning and lunch and then something soft for dinner. But I am not going to fight it. It won't hurt me to eat this way for a while, and then once I lose more, it will adjust and I'll be able to eat more. Also you mentioned PLAN ... this is so true!!!! I have been waking up, sitting on the edge of my bed and planning my day... eating and exercise. Then to back it I'm entering my foods at sparkpeople.com. At first I was like this is ridiculous all this time spent on this losing weight then I decided to allow myself all the time I needed... because this is the 'project of my life.' Everything else can wait.

I found some 'carb' friendly candy... but it did a number on my tummy! I had 3 pieces as my snack before bed. I could not get to sleep... turns out that one needs to be careful with those sugar free candies. I too am a candy monster... always have been. Somedays it is total white-knuckling

OK, I've avoided buying the papaya enzyme because I've been afraid I would 'depend' on them and not slow down or watch what I ate. Did any of you notice that taking them slowed your weightloss progress? I know really lame :scared2:... but I just don't want to find ways to 'fight' the lapband... not saying you all are, but I think my mind is too warped. ty

is it possible that some people are just wired wrong and that they will be drawn to food like a cat to a mouse no matter what?!?

LOL! You are so right! I picked that name because I feel like I say, NO, all day long.... I guess I need to take my own advice! :smile2:

AMEN! :smile2:

Does anyone else try to fight the lap band? :cool2: I know that sounds very lame ... but I sometimes find myself doing that!!! STUPID ... I KNOW. :smile2: When I first got the lapband, I stuck to the program. I was motivated by results. The weight came off, slow, but it was consistent. Then I hit a plateau, that seemed to go on forever (more than 8 months). I went for fill after fill, and when I did get restriction, I still did not lose. Instead of turning to our nutritionist, or upping my exercise, I eventually ate around the band. I think I was using it to cope. Dipping my pizza in oil, or anything in oil, making candy bars a MEAL! You get the idea. STUPID STUPID STUPID. I think the food addiction is stronger than I realized, but I've decided to STOP!!! I promise. I've been planning my daily intake the night before, or the morning off, depending on my time. I just pull out a small notebook and jot it down. I am finding that if I plan, and IF I don't let myself get too hungry. And learning to deal with life without turning to food is the real challenge. Going to go search the boards for more on that. I'm done whining.

Amound you sound just like I did a few short days ago. I think i've dropped about 3 pounds... not coming off as fast as when I FIRST had the band, but it will. We can do this! I do load my foods, everyday, into spark people. I am thinking of putting them somewhere here on LBT... do any of you post your daily log on a thread somewhere?