danieocean

I had a gallbladder attack suddenly last month, had no idea my gallbladder was full of stones. I chalked the pain I had up to constipation or dehydration. I had felt the pain several times before, but it would always resolve itself pretty quickly. One day last month though, the pain came on and didn't go away. Like a constant burning in my stomach right below my ribcage. The pain was also in my back and there was no comfortable way to lay or sit or stand. I drove myself to the ER where they did an ultrasound and saw the stones were present. They proceeded to admit me and do a CT scan where they found stones blocking the ducts to my liver. It was told the extreme pain that compelled me to got the ER was pain from the blockage and subsequent infection. Had the blockage cleared and gallbladder out in 2 procedures over a 5-day hospital stay. A quick ultrasound would tell you if you had stones...I hope you don't have to go through all that nonsense and you feel better soon. Could be a bad bout of gastritis?

You are so sweet! Thank you for the kind words ❤️ Keep up the amazing work yourself gorgeous!!!

A bit late posting my one-year post-op pics. The left is at my highest weight of 299 and my current and lowest weight of 131lbs. All this hard work over the last year paid off. Looking at pictures it's crazy to see how high I allowed my weight to get. This year has FLOWN by and so many changes have happened. I bought my first home, went to Europe, split from my fiance, went from a size 24 to a size 6 and had emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder week before last and moved out of that home I worked so hard to buy. While it's been a wild ride, I'm happy. I'm grateful for all the positive and necessary changes that have happened in my life. In the beginning, I had no idea what losing all of this weight would entail...positive and negative. The good most definitely outweighs the bad. This journey is not for the faint of heart. Keep your chin up and a stiff upper lip and you'll make it through. Hugs and love!

I’ve never been a “rule follower”. Conversely, I have never been considered a “rebel”, I simply follow the beat of my own (albeit unique) drum. I am unapologetically myself and raw. My writing reflects this rough-edged quality: in that, I have no formal training in writing anything. I have favorite authors from whom I would guess I take inspiration. When I do take the time to try and explain myself out using the written word, I almost feel as though my sentiments can not be fortified. Like a composer sending his sheet music to a person incapable of understanding the notes on the staff. Not that I think so highly of myself as to compare myself to a composer…but more like I am so full of words… that to get them out into a coherent and readable piece without meandering on for several paragraphs as I madly type in no particular order or style, is difficult for me on a good day. It’s almost as if I need to be reading this aloud for the reader, in order to try and feel comfortable that my cadence is understood. Maybe that entire paragraph I just wrote just shows how deeply and annoyingly insecure I am about everything…right down to what I write that may never even be seen by anyone. All that being said, in a sense, you’ve been forewarned. I’ve clung to an archaic idea of what romantic love should be. The kind of love you hear about online, in stories on your newsfeed of the couple who had been married for 67 years and wound up dying hours apart…so distraught the thought of living without the other inevitably and literally kills them. The kind of love that is so often depicted in Disney movies and romantic dramas…is this concept just that? A fairytale? The feelings you get from a new relationship hearkens back to this kind of “ romantic love”: Giddiness, anticipation, want, hope. Are these feelings doomed to fail and decay with time? Have we been tricked by the warm glow of Hollywood’s manipulated portrayal of romance? By the writings of so many authors, poets, and songwriters? Is romantic love only a momentary feeling? If that be the case, then I guess I’ve experienced true romantic love. I dream…constantly. A nuisance to say the least. Wild and vivid dreams, weird, chaotic and nonsensical. Most of these dreams are irrelevant regurgitated scraps of the days prior. Of course, there are nightmares. The typical frightening dreams most people have. But of all these dreams, to me, the worst are the ones in which I feel this deep “love”. These dreams don’t revolve around any man in particular. It could be someone in my waking life that I would think to myself “No chance in hell!”. On an ‘easy to relate to’ level, it feels like the celebrity you’ve idolized and drooled after for so many years has come to your front door and said “I’m here to take you away” (cliche…I know…forgive me). But on a complicated and very tempestuous level, I can quite literally feel this “love” in my heart, a heaviness, as if my heart had suddenly found a new, deeper, undiscovered rhythm. Once I become conscious, open my eyes and come to the realization that my dream was just that…a dream, I end up feeling hollow. Confused….and deep bitter sadness. I would liken it to grieving for someone that never existed. Strange, but very real. I’ve been in 2 serious long term relationships. They always start out the same…those same early romantic glow-y “Hollywood” feelings. The first ended unceremoniously. I spent nearly a decade trying to prove a point to myself, I guess. One day, I just woke up, clear-headed and exhausted by the whole thing. He was surprised. I wasn’t. I had been mourning our relationship for almost 2 years. I barely cried when it ended. The second, I’m currently still involved in. I sense a similar pattern, however, in this relationship. It started beautifully and, in the beginning, we would dream of what together we could accomplish. How we’d be like the old couple I mentioned earlier. Playing with our grandchildren someday and telling them the sweet story of how “Nana and Pappy” met. As my relationships have evolved, I have too. The problem is, I pick men who don’t evolve. I do everything in my power to fix them and get them on the right path. I encourage, uplift and mend what can be mended. The rest is up to them, which, thus far has been an impossible undertaking for any man. Meanwhile, I ask for no help, I’ve never needed it. I’ve always been innately self-sufficient. I then go on to resent them for something they never even asked for. Once the newness wears off, aside from the obvious grievances I’ve shared above…every relationship I have personally seen ends up in the same hum-drum state eventually. So, it’s not just me. I can not recall any couple that has been together for a long period of time that doesn’t either hate each other and/or just tolerate each other’s existence. From what I can see, a long term relationship can be summarized very easily in this day and age…you sit in the same room as the person you’re in a relationship with. You don’t really communicate besides a brief chat about some garbage show you both want to watch. You argue about what to eat for dinner. You eat. You sleep. You work. And you do it all over again day after day. Add or subtract children depending on the relationship. I truly believe life itself is hum-drum and dull and only punctuated with moments true unbridled happiness. I believe unconditional love is truly extraordinary and exceedingly rare. I’m lucky enough to have that with a few people in my life; My parents and my brother. There is nothing they could ever do or say that would make me not love them. They are, to me the most vital source of love in my life, which without, I would be severely crippled. Is unconditional love unattainable and therefore incompatible with romantic love? If the person I’m currently with were to stray, I would leave him. If he were to make a bad decision and get arrested, I would leave him. He has a substance abuse problem and if he can’t get it under control, I will leave him. ****, even if he does…I’m not even sure I want to stay. What I do know is: unconditional love is a real thing. I feel it on a daily basis. It’s there even when I don’t want it and feel like being left alone. I’m moody, you see, but I’m working on it. Romantic love…well…I just don’t know if that’s realistic. Is caring about someone’s well being romantic? No. Does buying a house together make it a home? No. Is this dreamy romantic love forever possible with someone else? Anything’s possible. Will the next man be just as or more so difficult than the last? I don’t know. Frozen. Fear seems to have overtaken my wit. Fear of being alone. Losing the things I worked so hard to obtain. Losing the time I invested with the purest of intentions. As my biological clock ticks, each tick seems louder than the last. And what to do about that? Wait. Is the problem me? Is the problem just down to the men I pick? Or is every romantic relationship headed for the same vapid, boring existence given the right amount of time? I don’t know and I’m almost too scared to find out.

YOU LOOK AMAZING!!!! YOU GO, GIRL!!!! ❤️❤️ ❤️

OMG thank you, girl! You are SO sweet!!! My mom told me the same thing! LOL, Funny, before I lost weight, I always got compared Adele. ALL THE TIME. I get a lot of random celebrity comparisons since the weight came off too...Keira Knightly, Julia Roberts, and Catherine Zeta-Jones??? LOLLLLL While I appreciate it...I'm like.....ehhhhh I don't see it! We all have to let our inner dork out, girl! It's what makes us FABULOUS.

OMG Thank you so much!!!! ❤️❤️❤️ My arms were never that big to begin with, the parts on my body where there were stretched out and laden with stretch marks, the skin just hangs. Like my inner thighs, breasts, and belly and now, I'm noting my butt too. But it's not the worst thing in the world. Clothes cover it up for now. Fitting in Smalls and Mediums now is TOTALLY WORTH the loose skin. My health is overall just so much better, I try not to let the skin bother me as much as I maybe should? LOL I literally just lift my 5 lb weights every day and do about an hour of yoga a day. It helped define my arms within weeks which was really cool.

LOL!!! Yes, I am well over 18!!!! You wouldn't know by looking at my saggy skin underneath my clothes. I probably look well over 60 naked. SO CUTE. ha!

OMG, do not feel embarrassed! I was skeptical about posting this in general, myself. It's not easy to be vulnerable and speak your absolute truth. Thank you for your sweetness and support. This next chapter of my journey will start out rough, I'm sure. In the end, I know it's worth it. I'm being selfish for the first time in my life and being honest about who I am and what I want. It's exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. Thank you again!! ❤️❤️❤️

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I'm seriously grateful you took the time to read my never-ending mind vomit LOL! And, right? I feel like all I do is look for my next project. Something to look forward to, to keep me occupied until the next "exciting" thing happens.

What an incredible compliment!!! Thank you for your support and kind words. I'm looking to start writing more. I feel I may have found an outlet for all these chaotic feelings/thoughts that course through my mind every second. Perhaps not the proper forum, but...I'll figure it out. I really appreciate the feedback ❤️❤️❤️ I always see you on here, being so encouraging. There should be more people like you in this world!

What a sweet thing to say, thank you very much!!! I don't feel like a model, but my head is still catching up with my body. I have no ZERO plastics since post-op. I definitely want my breasts done and basically, a whole-lower-body lift. I don't feel "pretty" naked. But that's my own mental hang up. I'm waiting to do any plastics until I know I can have a baby or not for sure...Been trying for over a decade with no success. The only work I ever had done were my lips, I had Juvaderm but in them over 2.5 years ago and it's still there! So...I had that when I was still heavier. They told me it'd last 6 to 12 months and it's STILL THERE lol.

Time will FLY! I promise!!! You got this!!! It's so worth it

THANK YOU!!! ❤️

OMG Girl!!!! Thank you so much, that is so nice of you ❤️❤️❤️ Workin' my butt off!! Literally...LOL

I am 10 months post-op, down 158 pounds. Starting BMI of almost 45 and now my BMI is right about 20! Under my ultimate goal by 14 lbs! I went to my very first club over the last weekend and felt so confident!!! So happy and excited to be here. I never thought I'd be here and it's all gone by so quickly. proud of my fellow weight loss warriors for all. your success. I figure I'll hold off on posting any more pictures until I hit that 1-year mark. Working out, maintaining and getting to my healthiest me. Sorry for the lack of "before" pics. I avoided the camera for an entire decade. Now I'm an obnoxious selfie queen! HA! Love and happiness to everyone. This is just to show it CAN BE DONE. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!

RIGHT?!! LOL

This cracked me up! OMG! Agreed, we need to uplift each other big time. And seriously, these men when an attractive woman walks by, it's truly comical. "You're going to break your neck, dear". HAHAHA!

This is so true...NEVER thought I'd be a selfie person. Now I'm obnoxious and constantly ask people to take my picture. LOL We're proud and showing off! Flaunt it ladies and gents!!!!!