singermama

Old habits die hard, dont they?
Before I had the surgery I was, and I kid you not, up to a half gallon of ice cream a night. It was my thing at night. why? I think becuase it was the only way I could treat myself after busting my ass all day working, taking care of three kids under the age of 5 and husband and a house, so after everyone went to bed it was my way of unwinding. Instant gratification. And I havent ALWAYS done that ritual- just when surgery was getting closer. And I think it was because I knew I wasnt going to be able to to do that after, so it was feast or famine.
My social worker at my Dr. told me to come up with three 'coping skills' to replace the ice cream, such as 'kitting', and I nearly fell out of my char becuase I would rather poke myself in the eye with the knitting needle than actually knit. EASIER SAID THAN DONE.
However I did find some things - first I picked up sketching and atwork- again. I went to a prestigous art college right out of high school, but never finished because I though I wasnt good enough to keep up with all these other students- and for the first time I was PROUD of my work. I figured - hy Im 30 years old, no one is here to scrutinize or judge my work, and if I mess up SO WHAT? Ill start over!
Then I started writing. Letters to each of my parents and stepmother about how unfair it was of them to never let me have a childhood because of their immaturity and selfishness ect. Way too much to get into on here, however letters that I dont send, just write it down and DEAL with the anger.
And finally I took up amateur photography which takes up the most of my time.
Easier said than done, beleive me I know. Give yourelf some time to find YOUR thing. Try to figure out why the ice cream makes you feel so good. I still would down a half gallon of it was put on front of me too, and dont think for a min that I havent thought about stopping and buying some. Something stops me, and I know someday maybe Ill give in and buy it. But its OK. We are human beings and we all 'screw up ' sometimes. Its OK- I think not beating yourself up and feeling guilty is a good first step in stopping the process...50 pounds is a small child so make sure you are giving yourself the kudos for that. I beleive you can do this and I think you do too...
Hang in there!