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I think this is why I'm hesitant to even go through the process of WLS. I have my first consult in a couple weeks and if I'm still struggling with cravings after wls, I'm going to struggle with this, big time. I know it's a complete change in behavior, but I am very much scared that this will be a waste of time and money for me, not to mention all the "I told you so's" i'm going to get after I fail. I'm very weak when it comes to coping tools, I have an alter-ego (I'm not crazy, I swear) that likes to sabotage me. How many people actually lose their cravings by having wls vs how many don't and struggle with this beyond? I've read a lot here and I'm seeing both. How do I know if it's worth it for me?

My first surgeon appointment is in September. I'm getting very anxious. My wife is a very supportive person, but is also the type that wouldn't even consider something like WLS for herself, let alone a regular Dr. appointment. (Check that, I think she goes every five years or so). Things like this, for her, are more of the "elective" nature despite my own PCP asking me to pursue this. I think I'm afraid that she's going to talk me out of it, but I won't have an inkling of this fact until we both go see the surgeon next month for my appointment. I asked if she would come too, but not for her, GOD NO, the day I tell her that she should consider WLS, I might as well get a shovel and dig my own grave....lol. I have spent the last several days, hours on end, researching almost anything I can find on WLS and I'm pretty convinced that I want to do this if all the stars align, but I think the most difficult hurdle wont be insurance, nutritionist, psych eval, or the surgeon, it will be how my wife feels about this. The problem is that no matter how much time I've put into researching, she will not hear any of it if her mind is set otherwise. Don't get me wrong, our relationship is great, its just stuff like this we don't tend to agree on. To give you an idea, she's quite stubborn in her ways, but at the same time, she suffers from the same thing I do when it comes to trying to lose weight; we get started on a diet and/or exercise plan, then next thing you know we're drying sheets on that elliptical a month later instead of using it.. I'm past the point of wishful thinking anymore and I'm ready for something radical to help kick my butt into a better way of living. Anyone out there have a hard time convincing their SO that this is really worth doing, even after a licensed surgeon said so as well?

@FluffyChix very solid advice, I think this is my best option because debating (as well as getting too emotional) has never worked for me. I will quietly let this happen organically and hope for the best. thanks!!

Thanks for the nice words Sue.

I tried searching for this question in the forum, but I want a more recent answer, if possible. My PCP said that she would write me a letter of medical necessity for the surgeon/insurance if need be to help me get qualified for WLS as well as provide any records of mine where she was monitoring my use of prescription appetite suppressants. Does anyone think the insurance would accept this instead of needing to spend 6 months trying another failed diet again? I know insurance companies will always err on the side of not having to pay for surgery, but I'm just curious if anyone got past that 6 month supervised diet with a note from their PCP before.

This is a great idea, I will do that. Thanks MM

I will definitely prepare myself for this. I probably need to not put the cart before the horse and see what happens during this process. Once again my anxiousness about all this is probably clouding my judgement of the situation a bit too. Thanks GT

thanks @AshAsh1 I really appreciate the feedback. I really don't think it has anything to do with jealousy or potential jealousy, she's never been the type, which is one of her best qualities. I think she just needs someone in an authoritative position to let her know more about it. That's my hope as to what happens next. thanks again

So.......I tried testing the waters this weekend and I brought the subject of WLS up with my wife. I might as well have asked for the Red Ryder BB Gun from a Christmas Story because she basically gave me the "you'll shoot your eye out" response I was dreading.....ugh I started by telling her that I had done some research on the options, the surgeon, the recovery and looked at a WLS forum to get patient experience information as well. I approached it very "matter of fact" explaining what our insurance required, how long the different surgeries took, the recoveries, the pros/cons, etc. When I got to the part about insurance requiring psych eval, gastrointestinal exams, and visits to a nutritionist with a 6 month diet, I was basically told, "well, if you have to do a 6 month diet first, you might as well not get the surgery because you will already have changed your ways and can lose the weight naturally." After that, there was no more convincing or facts or anything I could say except, "lets talk to the surgeon next month and see what he has to say". I didn't say much about it after that because I was stunned and upset, but I didn't want to show it in an emotional way so I just said nothing and changed the subject. I'm not sure what to do at this point except wait for my initial consultation and go from there. Maybe 6 months from now I will have been able to show her why I need this and why WLS is not "elective" for someone like me with my eating behaviors.

I thought about doing this, but every time I call my insurance I get the most useless people that don't seem to want to help or just don't even know. I may still give it a shot, though, thanks.

Thanks Chris, I'm just a little eager to get going now that i'm in the mindset where I'm ready to do this.

So is it 6 months for most folks altogether or is it 6 months of the diet, then a month to get approved, then 2 more months to get scheduled?

I certainly hope so, thanks GT. I can give up the sugar, carbonated beverages and I don't smoke, but boy o boy, giving up caffeine is going to be a killer...

Looks like I just need to strap in and let it happen how it's supposed to. thanks Wanda!

UGH.... thanks Chris!

Thanks Ashash, your encouragement and words are very appreciated by me.

Yes, definitely will ask without "guilting" her into doing so. I don't think it will be a problem, at least I hope not. She's a very logical person, most of the time and she'll listen to others with expertise more than me and my online research. thanks AshMarie!

Sadie, thank you so much for this story, it seems to fit what I'm going through now. I don't even feel comfortable talking about it again with her until we go to the first appointment, then I feel we can both be well informed enough to talk about it logically (and emotionally). I don't think this will cause a major issue to our marriage, nor will I let it. I hope things continue to stay great between you and your husband, this is very encouraging to me. I know she will support whatever I decide, but I want her to be a cheerleader 100% because I don't plan on telling anyone else about this outside of her and my kids. It's nobody else's business and I like to stay private with work acquaintances and any other family because they all love to gossip way too much. And maybe, if she sees this work for me she can decide for herself if its an option for her as well. And if not, I'm in full support of that too. I just want her to be around as long as possible for our kids and me too. Thanks again

This is all very good advice and I'm trying so hard not to have this come off as a selfish move in her eyes, even though it's the total opposite. I'm doing it so I can be around longer for her and the kids. Thanks for all the kind wishes, the next 32 days until my appointment are going to be killer...

The thing that I want to be able to do the most and the thing that might actually make me stick to a pre-op plan is that I really want to ride go-karts with my kids. It was one of the most shameful moments of my life a couple years ago when I took them both and I couldn't tandem ride with my daughter because she was too young to do it herself and I was too large to fit in the car. I had to turn around and walk back past that line of folks just glaring at us.

Ah geez, where to begin. Without divulging my entire story that probably sounds like everyone else's, basically, I've struggled with eating, my weight, my physical activity, diets, depression, etc for the longest time. I'm in my mid-40's and I got the diabetes 2.0 diagnosis after being "pre" for a couple years now. I have scheduled my first surgical consultation in September. I know there's a long road ahead including pre-scheduling dieting, etc. I guess what I'm struggling with is that since the "wheels are in motion" with the whole thing, my food-addicted self is saying that since I'm probably going to get the surgery that it's ok to eat whatever the hell I want and to not even try to help myself prior to even meeting the surgeon. I can't help myself and if something doesn't give soon, I'm going to have to be brought into the first appointment by forklift i think. Any advise before I start this journey? Thanks all, you guys all seem real nice and helpful based on the 100's of posts that I lurked in before deciding to post myself...

Thanks J, by the way, love the Punisher skull avatar, very cool. I'm so worried that I'll get to that first appointment and they're going to say things that I really don't want to hear like it's going to be another 6 months before they can do anything. I realize this is part of the process, but I'm scared that in 6 months, it's going to be just another failure in a long line of other attempts to change my ways. Every time, its like, "this time will be different". I really need something that is going to make me stick with whatever i have to get done in order to get the surgery. Not sure what that is yet though.

Dang it! I'm not supposed to tear up at work like this. Then again, I should probably be working instead of browsing this site. Thanks so much Frustr8, what a great story.

I have Dad guilt but it's for the opposite reason. I'm starting this process because I want to see my kids graduate, get married, have kids, etc. I feel guilty that I've been so selfish while slowly killing myself with food and laziness. I'm doing this so I can be a more active, longer living father. Maybe think of it that way?

Thanks Matt, duly noted. That is definitely a big red flag. I appreciate your response.