mini_me

:cry good to see everyone, but is anyone going to help me toilet paper the "twentysomethings" thread????:spy:?

bumping for more advice... the SIL kept calling last night. she said she was going to pick up the baby. she never would commit to a time of arrival. the couple had been in contact with cps, who would not be able to open an investigation until monday. ((figures, when you need them they are not there...but i can think of a hundred instances{maybe not a hundred} where they intervened without valid cause)) the couple asked sil to be there by 10 pm, as they had planned an out of town trip. when the sil did not show up by 10, the cop that was helping them told them to go on the trip, and take the baby. so...sil showed up at the cousins house at midnight last night...according to the neighbors...and she was banging on the door, but noone was home. called my dh who was in D.C. for the night, with a flight departure of about 4 am local time. she ordered him to call the cousin and tell them to open the door. he told her that this was her problem, handle it. so...she had her little friend take her back home...approx 100 miles...maybe more. so now CPS is going to be involved. SIL still has no place to live. she seems to think that she is going to tell CPS that she lives with her dad, who lives in a 16 foot airstream trailer that is about 30 years old. he has one bed in there that is about equivalent to something between a twin and full. i do not think she realizes that CPS will NOT deem that appropriate housing for them...2 adults and 2 small kids in one bed? i dont think so. so, who knows what tomorrow holds. dh and i have bowed out of it all. as much as i want to help, i have my own family to worry about. there is a family member to worry about the baby(cousin) and SIL is going to have to fight her battles WITHOUT me or my support on this one. we will just wait and see what CPS does. if the kids are safe with her, then, well, who am i to say anything else...as long as i do not have good evidence or knowledge of anything other. i am still VERY upset with her for putting the cousins through this, i may never be able to forgive her for this.

Roni here... 32 yo with three kids...boy 13 boy 7 girl 4....married for about 90 lbs(or 14 years in layman terms) banded march 13 2006. slow going right now, but i just started seeing some action. 17 lbs so far, which was 23% of the weight i want to lose, so i am 1/5 of the way there...almost 1/4 of the way there. funny that you started this thread...i was thinking the same thing when the twentysomethings rung their bell. maybe we should go toilet paper their thread!!

i got mine a couple of weeks ago. i love chris, but there was too much screaming on there...way too much. too much of a good thing...way to much..((haha-had enough yet?)) also, the acoustics were poor. there are times that i cannot hardley hear chris over the instruments. this cd DOES demonstrate talent. i cannot wait to hear what they put out with the help of true professionals in the field. Chris Daughtry for President!!

this poor couple has been through so much, and bonded so deeply with this baby, that i am not sure that even a miracle pregnancy would offer FULL salvation for all they have been through. but i am praying that by the grace of God that she will turn up pregnant. They have tried for years and finally gave up trying and focused their efforts on adoption. they do not have the resources for fertility assistance. thanks for everyone's support, keep praying for this little baby!

hey tidge, thanks for the response. i am not just terribly offended by your posts. it is simply frustrating because there is no way i can convey all of the intricate details of this ordeal. i cannot equate drug addictions to food addictions. i could/would/ and have surrendered food to my children when God knows i wanted to eat that treat myself. my food addiction does not hurt anyone but myself. food is not illegal. food does not impair my judgement. food does not induce a state of mind that is psychotic at times(at least not for me). the grocery store manager is not going to do a drive by shooting at my house because i decided to shop at HEB this week. i do not miss work because of my food addiction so while i understand your sympathy for my SIL, i do not completely agree with your comments about not understanding how this community does not have more sympathy for SIL and her addiction. i have worked diligently for almost three years to help this girl as much as i possibly could. i never turned my back on her emotionally or financially, no matter what happened or how bad things seemed. she gave this baby up. she called me up and told me to come get her now. tonite. or she was going to leave her with a stranger(CPS). she handed the child over. she called and said come get this baby, i can't take care of her. when she was forced into therapy, it was a sham, and she mocked it. she refused to take things seriously and she refused to acknowledge that she had a problem. i understand that this is all stuff that she needs help with, and i understand those who would be sympathetic to her plight. but at some point you have to take responsibility for your own actions. you cannot let your problems be the sole responsibility of other people for your whole life. the bottom line is...the baby is not best served with SIL. this isn't a contest to me to see who is the best mommy. it is about the welfare of the child. if SIL choses her addictions over her child, she should not have the child in her custody. if she refuses to accept the help that is offered, she should not ever have the child. as much as i understand your point that this girl needs help, and i agree that she needs help, i hope that you understand that there MUST come a point in a persons life where powers must intervene and start some damage control. sil is ruining the lives of everyone she comes in contact with, most of all, she is disrupting the baby's existence. regarding your comment about if my child had a baby, etc. well, regardless of her being my child or not, my #1 priority would be keeping the baby safe. then i would make sure i could get my child the help she needed. i am against ripping a child from a mother's loving arms. but SIL did not have the baby ripped from her, she gave the baby away. she perpetrated this fraud for weeks, allowing this couple to keep, love, and bond with this child when she knew she had no intention of allowing the adoption. the cousin now loves this child as her own...and she has no children, cannot have children...and sil is ripping the child from her arms. in essence, sil is now ripping this baby from her mother's arms. so, in conclusion, i am not vehemently disagreeing with you. i knew when i asked for advice that there was a distinct possiblity that i would read some things that i did not want to read. but i wanted that to happen, it makes me think of other perspectives. it makes me rationalize every aspect of this horrid scenario. tidge, i am grateful for your comments. i hope that if we still disagree, it can be a peaceful disagreement. this is not the thread for ANY type of flaming. emotions are running high for me, and i am dealing with enough drama in real time life. i do not need any extra drama on this thread, a thread that i check each day...for support.

Amen, Sarah... I talked to SIL again today, and I reminded her of this. She would not even acknowledge the issue. She acted surprised that the cousin was upset. I did not know she was that stupid!! I told her(SIL) that she gave the baby away, the cousin is having her child RIPPED from her arms. Cousin would NEVER dream of allowing this child to go to someone elses home to live. My DH has decided that we are not to be involved anymore. CPS has been contacted and they have all the info that i know. I do not know if what i said will make any difference. I am so helpless in this situation. All I know to do at this point is to be a shoulder for this poor woman to cry on. She loves that baby every bit as much as i love my own children...that i birthed and nursed. ((emotional wreck to be continued some other time)) thanks everyone for the support!

a similar situation occurred with my best friend. it was her adult child who hit one of the younger kids. this was reported to cps, and cps monitored. it was never established that the children were in danger. they concluded through interviewing the kids and adult acquaitances of all involved parties, etc. if the wife calls, then i do not think there would be danger of the kids being removed. cps here would probably mandate that dad not be left alone with kids until the investigation was over. in my friends case, the adult child could not be at home alone with the younger kids.

hey wheets, they should have to eat the cigarette while it is still lit....

Jenna, I agree with your sentiment, but DH is very interested in his heritage. that is why i chose to do this.

thanks Dody, i need people telling me to do that so that i do not feel like i am doing something that is wrong. you're right, i would NEVER forgive myself if anything happened to that sweet little girl, and let me tell you, she IS SO SWEET(makes my teeth hurt!)

RE: She tested positive for THC when she delivered the baby...prematurely. RIGHT THERE WA STATE WOULD HAVE TAKEN THE BABY AWAY ASAP!!! I HAVE A FRIEND THAT FOSTERS DRUG BABYS. THEY GO FROM THE HOSPITAL RIGHT TO HER HOME. the state stepped in, but did not take the baby away from her. they required that she and the baby be in the company of a responsible adult at least 21 years of age with no criminal history. my mil stepped in and let her stay with her until the state cleared sil to have the baby without supervision. they sent her to two counseling sessions that lasted about 20 minutes each, and drug tested her on each of those occassions. well, the drug tests were planned, so she just stayed clean for a couple of weeks. btw, i am in texas and there is a LOT of bad publicity about cps right now, but i am not really seeing any changes being made. RE: She had written out a statement that she was handing over legal guardianship of the baby to the cousin, and that she intends to allow the adoption. DID SHE ACTUALLY WRITE "INTENDS"? yes i think it said something like she was doing this with the intention to allow the couple to adopt the child. MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU THIS EVENING Thanks!!

Oprah is a ZULU??? i don't even know what that means...if Oprah does it then i am going to do it!!

carlene and kathy i feel both of you with my heart. kathy, i did not see what carlene said as a direct attack on SIL. She is right...love is not enough. and i am very sad for my SIL. i am not sure that her problem rises to the level of addiction, but it is a problem. I do not know how extensive the problem is at this time. i want to help her, but i no longer know what to do to help her. i think that to send the baby back to her now is NOT in the best interest of the baby. i have no idea if she should EVER go back. I just don't know if SIL will ever be fit. BUT--she has ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT TO DISRUPT EVERYONE'S LIVES, INCLUDING THE BABY'S. off the soap box... NO FLAMING IN HERE PLEASE. THIS TOPIC IS TOO SENSITIVE TO ME.

well, i went ahead and bought the Y-Clan analysis. There is a father's day special right now...180 pounds, currency exchange is approx $330. it comes with a certificate, book, and some other goodies. get this, the book is about women outnumbering men...eventually extinguishing men...ROTFLMFAO...

pier13-thanks for the words of encouragement. i held on to every word you typed. lisa-you may be very right. i guess we will see what tomorrow holds. i am still wandering if abandonment is an issue. she has changed her mind, yet she has made no effort to go get the child. i am not even sure that she has called the cousin to tell her that she is not signing the papers.

bumping...for the evening crowd's advice

thanks kathy...i DO believe that she loves this child, but you are right, she chooses her addictions over the baby. the baby was 8/9 months old when she went to the cousins and could not even sit up unassisted or crawl. my sil would strap her in her little swing and leave her there all day. within a week, the baby was sitting unassisted and crawling...even pulling up on furniture. SIL loves the baby, but does not know how to handle loving and providing. she does not SHOW the baby love. oh, i wanna scream. this is so painful.

Donna I appreciate your response, that is how I felt when i read the post, but my energy is consumed with my own thoughts. I was offended by the comment that perhaps the cousin was not interested in the best interest of the baby. I am against the baby going back to mom, and NOONE can argue that I do not have the baby's best interest in my heart. I never got a good night's sleep when SIL had the baby. Since the day that precious little girl was born i have worried about her welfare. Pier13-you are SOOO right. We should have handed the baby off in a courtroom. i guess we were complacent because it was family on the giving and recieving end of the matter. everyone trusted that everyone was secure in their decisions. the cousin has a lawyer already. they had already paid the $3000 to get the adoption process started. Tidge, thanks for your input, i DID solicit opinions and info. I DO believe that you were thinking of the baby. I just have a very different opinion. I would not let my SIL babysit my kids for an hour, much less have a defenseless little baby depending on her. Wheetsin-close call was another baby(not baby in question), my baby neice is currently with the cousin. SIL does not have the resources to go get the baby. I think that if we ignored her, she would NEVER go pick up the baby, but she won't sign the papers. she has not called to check on her not once. btw, on the day she called and told me to get the baby, i tried to get her to come home with me. she refused. she was in the process of moving out of one of her houses, and she was with her boyfriend. they seemed like they had plans. the next few days, everytime i called to check on SIL's state, she was high or something...did not make any sense, either elated or dead sleepy. i have called her regularly to check on her mental state and to discuss if she was still ok with this. Just two weeks ago she told me that she was good to go and was certain that she was going to sign the papers. i just don't know anymore. if i thought there was any chance that she could provide a loving/stable life for this child, it would be so different. she is just so friggin...nomadic, emotional unstable, irresponsible, and i do not even know what else to say. i wonder if she will do this again next time she gets tired of the stresses of parenting.

Kathi, please do not misunderstand my position. i am fully in favor of my husband's cousin and her DH keeping the baby. i am just afraid that they will have no rights to the child to be able to fight this, as NOTHING had made it to a court/legal level in the process. All that was done was dropping off the baby and writing an informal letter saying that the cousin could make decisions for the baby's welfare. (not notarized or anything) My SIL is definitly being VERY selfish in this ordeal. She keeps saying she can't live without her and she doesnt feel right, and she wakes up looking for her, etc...i asked her "what about the baby?" what is best for her? She had no answer. she just kept saying oh, well. i am sooooo upset by this. she just wanted a little break from the responsibilities of motherhood and took advantage of the cousin in their time of need. Wheetsin, i know you are looking. you always have good advice...what do you think?

yes, the baby is with the cousins. i do not thing there is any danger of SIL going to get the baby, she has no idea where they live, and has never asked for us to give her an address, etc. she has no transportation, and no sense. i think she is just going to let them hang on to the baby and think that she will get her back at her convenience. i sure hope the judge makes her fight for the baby, because then she would surrender because she won't want the hassle of the ordeal. she is a quitter.

thanks for the advice. i am waiting for the cousin to call. i am hoping to stay out of this as much as possible. i do not want to take sides and be overly involved in the intricate details, as i do not want anyone to question my bias if the time comes to tell a judge what has transpired. maybe THAT does not even make sense, but i am going to tell the cousin the things that you have suggested and i am going to start writing everything down. thanks, and if anyone else has advice...please offer.

thanks mia!! i can't wait to see your pics!

good luck and congrats!! where are you being banded??

kristin, thank God you are ok. i bet i have checked this thread a hundred times today!! you stay tough!!