I’m 2-1/2 years post Rny and in the past year I’ve gone from 120# to 152#. ☹️ It all started last year after my husband came home from a 3 month stay in the hospital, needing full time care at home plus the pandemic. I do great during the day, but after I go to bed I binge on Cadbury milk chocolate bars. I know it’s an emotional/reward treat for myself but it’s gotten completely out of control. I’m the one who buys them, I keep them in my bedroom and eat while I’m half asleep! Having my husband home is like having a 6’2 baby (260#) to care for, and my life is one big rut. I don’t mind caring for him at all, in fact, I’m extremely grateful that he’s here! Since we’re in quarantine though, I stay in my comfy pjs every day unless I need to run to the store for supplies. I’m fortunate that he’s on a feeding tube so I don’t need to cook much, but I don’t like to eat when he’s awake since he’s unable to eat by mouth and misses it. So I simply wait until he’s asleep at night and “treat” myself to the milk chocolate. I’ll even eat it after I get up during the night to take care of him. It’s not as if I’m hungry at all, just searching for pleasure. I fooled myself as I started to gain the weight saying that I would lose it as soon as I can get outside for a walk once the weather gets warm. I’ve tried to ask myself if I feel happier eating the chocolate, or was I happier weighing 120#? I don’t feel like I’m addicted to sugar because I only want the Cadbury milk chocolate. At first I didn’t mind weighing 130-140#, but I see it creep up and I realize it’s going to be harder to lose. It’s so hard to give up, and harder to find pleasure in anything else these days! Even if I can stay busy during the day, my mindset looks for pleasure at night. I’m on antidepressants, and my husband likes me to sit with him during the day and watch television. How do I find the strength to give up my Cadbury milk chocolate pleasure?! Pray?
