mjsprague1017

Hello, yesterday i posted my dilemma about my husbands friends birthday party on saturday. Everyone thought that when i said my husband doesnt want me to get the surgery bc he loves me the way i am....well i kno that came out wrong:unsure:. We have had many discussions about the surgery and he TOTALLY supports me but he also wanted me to know that he loves me anyway i am..wether i have one leg or twelve fingers:tt1: lol. I just didnt want anyone to worry i dont have support. :grouphug:Thank you all for your concerns and i really appreciate all the suggestions. i plan to use some of them for the party.:biggrin2: Mandi Jo

Well everything has been going pretty good since i had my sugery (june 2). I have been having a hard time with my brain...It keeps telling me that im not eating enough and i want something realllllly bad to eat. I have not cheated tho and i dont plan on it. My body needs to heal itself and im not going to get it its way. So i went to see my dr yesterday and i have been having really bad diarhea and he gave me a recipe and tells me if you cook cauliflower till its really mushy and then put it in the blender ...it tastes like mashed potatos. Well i had to come home and try it....It tastes like light mashed potatos lol It was the weirdest thing i have ever heard of but it was pretty good. I didnt believe the doctor when he told me bc i am from the south and southern home cooked mashed potatos is what i am used to...so it was pretty good compared to my southern mashed potatos. Life is pretty good, but im really bored since i cant eat very much anymore lol! Mandi Jo

Well everything has been going pretty good since i had my sugery (june 2). I have been having a hard time with my brain...It keeps telling me that im not eating enough and i want something realllllly bad to eat. I have not cheated tho and i dont plan on it. My body needs to heal itself and im not going to get it its way. So i went to see my dr yesterday and i have been having really bad diarhea and he gave me a recipe and tells me if you cook cauliflower till its really mushy and then put it in the blender ...it tastes like mashed potatos. Well i had to come home and try it....It tastes like light mashed potatos lol It was the weirdest thing i have ever heard of but it was pretty good. I didnt believe the doctor when he told me bc i am from the south and southern home cooked mashed potatos is what i am used to...so it was pretty good compared to my southern mashed potatos. Life is pretty good, but im really bored since i cant eat very much anymore lol! Mandi Jo

Hi All, Well monday was my surgery day and everything went pretty smooth except i had a haitel hernia. I am still pretty sore, i just feel like someone beat me with a bat. Im still using my hydrocodone. Thank you everyone for your encouraging words, it helps alot. Well im goin to go nap, i hope everyone has had a good week so far...tomorrow is FRIDAY YAAAA!!! Mandi Jo

Hi All, Well monday was my surgery day and everything went pretty smooth except i had a haitel hernia. I am still pretty sore, i just feel like someone beat me with a bat. Im still using my hydrocodone. Thank you everyone for your encouraging words, it helps alot. Well im goin to go nap, i hope everyone has had a good week so far...tomorrow is FRIDAY YAAAA!!! Mandi Jo

Errr Im soooooo FREAKIN NERVOUS about my surgery tomorrow, its driving me crazy!!! I have to be at the hospital at 5:30am so that means i have to leave here by 4:30.... I have so much going on in my head right now. I hold my house together and leaving that for my husband to do is gettin a little nerve wrecking. :cursing:I can just see the dirty dishes, laundry, and well the whole house really gross. Today i am going to be a super cleaner. :thumbup:I woke up this morning at 7am and i can not go back to sleep. I keep thinking well maybe i shouldnt have to surgery...maybe i should just try it alone again...but if i could of done it before i wouldnt be in this position today. :thumbdown:I am just going nutz. I asked my husband last night if we needed to go to get some groceries for him and he told me just make a list and i will go when u are asleep on monday:bored:....WHAT i started to freak out in my mind and think i cant let him go to the store by himself...I think i maybe a little control freak:blushing:! Well im going to go lay on the couch and see if i can go back to sleep for a little bit:closedeyes: and see where this gets me.. Mandi Jo

Errr Im soooooo FREAKIN NERVOUS about my surgery tomorrow, its driving me crazy!!! I have to be at the hospital at 5:30am so that means i have to leave here by 4:30.... I have so much going on in my head right now. I hold my house together and leaving that for my husband to do is gettin a little nerve wrecking. :cursing:I can just see the dirty dishes, laundry, and well the whole house really gross. Today i am going to be a super cleaner. :thumbup:I woke up this morning at 7am and i can not go back to sleep. I keep thinking well maybe i shouldnt have to surgery...maybe i should just try it alone again...but if i could of done it before i wouldnt be in this position today. :thumbdown:I am just going nutz. I asked my husband last night if we needed to go to get some groceries for him and he told me just make a list and i will go when u are asleep on monday:bored:....WHAT i started to freak out in my mind and think i cant let him go to the store by himself...I think i maybe a little control freak:blushing:! Well im going to go lay on the couch and see if i can go back to sleep for a little bit:closedeyes: and see where this gets me.. Mandi Jo

Hi Mary, I am having my surgery on monday too! Thank you for commenting and letting me know im not the only who feels this way about food. Food is my addiction and i have to give it up to be able to live the life that i want. Mandi Jo

Well i have been thinking for the past week that this surgery is not going to fix me, all the damage and baggage of being overweight my entire life will NOT just go away. This surgery is not a quick fix and i am pretty sure im going to want to give up at some point or wonder why i am torturing myself, BUT this blog is for me (or anyone else) to read when i am feeling insecure and discouraged. I got a little emotional when i wrote this letter to myself. I think its b/c i have to let mandi come out and not hide her behind the fat anymore. Mandi, You had this surgery b/c you can not diet on your own. Dieting has always made you lose weight but you have no idea how to keep it off. The band is there to help you with portion size. It is not going to fix your cravings or emotional stress. You promised yourself that if the insurance approved your surgery, you would be more than willing to learn to live with food in a different way. Today is probably a bad day and you wished you could eat something really bad and it would make you feel better, but it doesnt make you feel better. It makes you feel guilty for eating it then you decide well i already messed up, ill eat something else bad. You are way more important than any stupid dessert or carb.This is not how you want to live the rest of your life! And even more important reason you needed the band is b/c you have PCOS and this will help you get rid of it. The band is not your enemy it is providing you a chance to start over with food and learn to appreciate it, not abuse it. You will have your good days and you will have your bad days but the band will always be there to help you make wise choices. If you want to eat b/c something is wrong, GO DO SOMETHING, talk to someone, work out, play a game. DO NOT let this addiction rule the rest of your life. So suck it up, put on a smile and take it day to day. Life sucked fifty times more gaining weight then it did losing weight...so im sure it is not that bad. I love myself and i need to take care of myself for me. I Will Always Love You, Yourself

Well i have been thinking for the past week that this surgery is not going to fix me, all the damage and baggage of being overweight my entire life will NOT just go away. This surgery is not a quick fix and i am pretty sure im going to want to give up at some point or wonder why i am torturing myself, BUT this blog is for me (or anyone else) to read when i am feeling insecure and discouraged. I got a little emotional when i wrote this letter to myself. I think its b/c i have to let mandi come out and not hide her behind the fat anymore. Mandi, You had this surgery b/c you can not diet on your own. Dieting has always made you lose weight but you have no idea how to keep it off. The band is there to help you with portion size. It is not going to fix your cravings or emotional stress. You promised yourself that if the insurance approved your surgery, you would be more than willing to learn to live with food in a different way. Today is probably a bad day and you wished you could eat something really bad and it would make you feel better, but it doesnt make you feel better. It makes you feel guilty for eating it then you decide well i already messed up, ill eat something else bad. You are way more important than any stupid dessert or carb.This is not how you want to live the rest of your life! And even more important reason you needed the band is b/c you have PCOS and this will help you get rid of it. The band is not your enemy it is providing you a chance to start over with food and learn to appreciate it, not abuse it. You will have your good days and you will have your bad days but the band will always be there to help you make wise choices. If you want to eat b/c something is wrong, GO DO SOMETHING, talk to someone, work out, play a game. DO NOT let this addiction rule the rest of your life. So suck it up, put on a smile and take it day to day. Life sucked fifty times more gaining weight then it did losing weight...so im sure it is not that bad. I love myself and i need to take care of myself for me. I Will Always Love You, Yourself

Well my scale is about 4 yrs old and it is a weight watchers digital scale. I have been weighing myself through out my two pre op diets and it been saying i lost 19lbs:smile:. Well the battery started fading out so i went to walmart to get a new battery and they didnt have one. So i went and bought a new digital scale...that says its so great b/c doctors use it. WELL i get home and i get on my new scale and it says i weigh 345.5 (that means i have on lost 5lbs):cursing:!!!! ERRR i was so mad. The old scale has been lieing to me, and it hurts my feelings b/c i thought i was doing such a good job:crying:. Well thats my disappointment for today...im sure there will be a new one tomorrow! Mandi Jo

Hey, you may be right! i did not think about that! Thank you for telling me that! Mandi Jo

Well my scale is about 4 yrs old and it is a weight watchers digital scale. I have been weighing myself through out my two pre op diets and it been saying i lost 19lbs:smile:. Well the battery started fading out so i went to walmart to get a new battery and they didnt have one. So i went and bought a new digital scale...that says its so great b/c doctors use it. WELL i get home and i get on my new scale and it says i weigh 345.5 (that means i have on lost 5lbs):thumbup:!!!! ERRR i was so mad. The old scale has been lieing to me, and it hurts my feelings b/c i thought i was doing such a good job:crying:. Well thats my disappointment for today...im sure there will be a new one tomorrow! Mandi Jo

Hi, Its my last weekend to eat whatever i please...Then i have to start the pre op diet on monday. I am feeling good about the protein drink...it was actually good and made me feel really really full. I got a tattoo last night and that was fun. Ill be posting my tattoo in my picture album. If anyone reads this how do you post the TICKER?i want one on my page but im so confused on where to put it so it shows up. Blah im only 20 and i feel like im getting old cuz im asking technology questions lol :confused2: On sunday i will be starting my birth control so i dont get pregnant bc i hear that after obese women start losing weight they become fertile and i would rather lose weight then have a baby...AND i dont want to mess up my band!!:w00t: Mandi Jo

Well, i have figured out that if i eat a large breakfast im not as hungry and i dont snack during the day time.:w00t: But i was kinda bad today....i am not going to be bad anymore tho! :fish:I am fully comitted to the band and that is how its going to have to be.:thumbdown: My mother on the other hand sent my grandma a text message saying that she was hungry and didnt have any money. So who gets to send my mother money...ME.:sleep: As much as she fucks up and doesnt take care of her responsibilities i still cant tell my mother i wont give her money for food when she says shes hungry and doesnt have any money to buy something to eat. :confused5:Intervention just doesnt work in my case, i dont have any family except for my mom(who is a alcoholic/drug user), grandmother and my aunt (who is a alcoholic). Today i was thinking i dont think i have even met my real mother bc the only mother i have ever known has always been on drugs and alcohol.:thumbup: So how do you tell family no when we are all that each other has. :angry_smile:ERRRR i wish they would both get better! Mandi Jo Today I ate: -3 scrambled eggs, 3 turkey bacon, 1 wheat tortilla and 1 f/f peach yogurt -apples and peanut butter -2 burritos from Taco Bell :thumbup: -Protein Drink

I have decided that i am going to strictly do chicken, fish, veggies, and salads for my last week of the pre op diet. This will for sure seal the deal that ALL the fat is out of my liver:thumbup:. I am not really looking for it but hey i dont really have a choice. I am going to get healthier and its probably going to feel like im killing myself but it will all work out. Iv been thinking about buying a elliptical machine for my guest bedroom. I feel like i get the best workout on a elliptical. It kicks my ass and thats how i know it works:wink2:! I started bleeding Saturday, which is good b/c i havent bled since February (i have pcos) but i hope that i do stop bleeding by next sunday (sometimes i dont stop bleeding for weeks). I got back on my birth control so it usually stops in a week if i take my birth control like im suppose to :cursing:. Im trying to set my mind that i am going to be as positive as i can be about everything. I am sooo privileged to be able to have this surgery. I pray this is my answer to losing weight and getting rid of my PCOS so my husband and i can have children:blush:. Mandi Jo

I have decided that i am going to strictly do chicken, fish, veggies, and salads for my last week of the pre op diet. This will for sure seal the deal that ALL the fat is out of my liver:thumbup:. I am not really looking for it but hey i dont really have a choice. I am going to get healthier and its probably going to feel like im killing myself but it will all work out. Iv been thinking about buying a elliptical machine for my guest bedroom. I feel like i get the best workout on a elliptical. It kicks my ass and thats how i know it works:wink2:! I started bleeding Saturday, which is good b/c i havent bled since February (i have pcos) but i hope that i do stop bleeding by next sunday (sometimes i dont stop bleeding for weeks). I got back on my birth control so it usually stops in a week if i take my birth control like im suppose to :thumbs_up:. Im trying to set my mind that i am going to be as positive as i can be about everything. I am sooo privileged to be able to have this surgery. I pray this is my answer to losing weight and getting rid of my PCOS so my husband and i can have children:blush:. Mandi Jo

Ya in 1 week and it will be the night before my surgery...im really excited! Im sooooooooo glad i am now a texas girl too. Oklahoma is hot and dry...hmm and a lil boring. Well have a great day! Mandi Jo

I stayed up pretty late with myhusband. I think i finally feel asleep at like 5am. Well i wake up at 6am and all of our lights and fans are off and its getting pretty hot in the apartment. :ohmy:Then i get up to try to redo the breakerbox and i hear the fire alarms going off outside. Long story short...something happened to the WHOLE apt complex and none of us had electricity. They did turn the electricity on pretty fast tho...it was back on at 7:10 am but now i cant go back to sleep:thumbup:.... i am tired..but my mind is running and i cant turn it off. I just took some benedryl so that will relax me in about 30-40mins and maybe ill fall asleep.:thumbs_up: I guess ill quit ranting. Mandi Jo

I stayed up pretty late with myhusband. I think i finally feel asleep at like 5am. Well i wake up at 6am and all of our lights and fans are off and its getting pretty hot in the apartment. :ohmy:Then i get up to try to redo the breakerbox and i hear the fire alarms going off outside. Long story short...something happened to the WHOLE apt complex and none of us had electricity. They did turn the electricity on pretty fast tho...it was back on at 7:10 am but now i cant go back to sleep:thumbup:.... i am tired..but my mind is running and i cant turn it off. I just took some benedryl so that will relax me in about 30-40mins and maybe ill fall asleep.:cursing: I guess ill quit ranting. Mandi Jo

I have found that the busier i stay the less i eat and the happier i am:thumbup:! But i just cant stay really busy everday...theres not enough to do. Today my husband and i went to a make it yourself stir fry place in downtown houston called Pang Tai. We met his cousin and wife there. It was really awesome. In my stir fry i had beef,shrimp, brocoli, fresh green beans, baby corn, portabella mushrooms and spicy sauce. :drool:It was sooo good!! Then afterwards we all went to IKEA i would like to get a new bed frame for our room and a new tv unit for our living room. So today was fun and kept my mind off of food. i weighed myself this morning and it said 331!!!:thumbs_up: so hopefully i am getting closer to being able to play my Wii Fit. Hope everyone is having a great memorial weekend!!! Mandi Jo Today I Ate: Stir Fry W/ 1 cup of brown rice:wink2: