Born in Missouri

So rather than you people patronizing me or any other bullshit prove me wrong. The phrase “she can weight train” is pointless unless you show proof. Cause I can’t find **** on it and the people at the docs office say the same ****. So if you’re reading this and you have a personal story and can show proof rather than just words then come at me. Otherwise you’re just an emaciated person that’s trying to accept yourself and trying to chew on someone with real questions. So now we're all "you people" who just want to patronize and come at you? So if you’re reading this and you have a personal story and can show proof rather than just words then come at me. If that's an invitation, it's not very inviting. We're not a bunch of scientists wearing lab coats and writing on clipboards ready to hand you a report proving anything. And to label all of our well-meaning responses as "just words"... well, didn't you use "just words" to reply? You have a lot of anger inside of you and you're so defensive that you are incapable of hearing any other points of view. Is this the attitude and tone you use when contacting the doctor's office? If so, that might be why they are "ignoring" you. I'm moving on. I see no point in any kind of hostile back and forth with you.

I see a slender young woman determined to get out of your BEFORE pic. You did it! Be proud. All your hard work paid off.

You said you weren’t happy that your wife went forward with this from the beginning. Is it possible that you are unconsciously looking for physical changes in your wife to support that feeling? Maybe even a “I-told-you-so” feeling because you’re not happy with her appearance now or maybe because she proceeded with her surgery despite your feelings? I’ve come to accept what she has done… I don’t think you’ve accepted it at all. Why were you opposed to her decision to have this done in the first place? Is there something deep inside of you that resents her for having this surgery even though you were opposed to it? (I don’t know you, but some men have a problem with women making their own decisions, including decisions about their own bodies.) She used to be… she is now… she is starting to look… She also looks like…. These sound like mourning words. You’re in mourning for the body your wife used to have. I’m starting to worry… Starting? No, you're in full-blown worry mode, except it’s not really worry. I still think it’s mourning for what was. I’m afraid I’ve lost my wife… Afraid? No, in your mind you’ve lost her. But have you lost her? Really? Your wife is happy. And the doctor’s office doesn’t seem worried. His office pretty much ignores my concerns… Are you sure that they’re just disagreeing with you and not ignoring you? This surgery killed my aunt…. WLS is not a murderer with a sawed-off shotgun. Your aunt had a rare and unfortunate complication. I hope you didn’t bring up your aunt's complication as one of the reasons for not wanting your wife to have her surgery. Or did you? If I come across as terse, it’s only because men tend to understand things better when those things are presented bluntly or in black and white. Lastly, it’s only been 10 months. Your wife's body is still trying to find a happy balance. Has your sex life changed? Is that something you’re also unhappy about? (My husband has always enjoyed my big, soft body.) Please do not interpret anything I’ve said above as lecturing or patronizing because that is not my intent. This is just my take on things from a woman's point of view. Not every woman's point of view. Just mine. We're not all the same, you know. You sound like a loving and caring husband. No one here wants you to be unhappy, including me. Your wife, I’m sure, doesn’t want you to be unhappy. But guess what? It’s okay to be unhappy sometimes, except you need to figure out if your unhappiness and fears about your wife’s new body are rational or irrational. If they are irrational fears, and you still can’t come to terms with it all, maybe a therapist might help. Maybe joint therapy. And there is, of course, absolutely no shame in that. None.

When did you plan this trip? Before or after you knew you'd be having surgery? Just curious.

to missouri-lee: I GET IT. but really? @nevertoolate You took a big risk. That's it.

@PopsFury My surgeon said that I didn't need to worry about taking calcium until at least one month out. The wafers I take aren't horrible. I don't like orange as a flavor, though. That's really my only complaint. (Then again, I actually like the taste of Pepto Bismal, so maybe my suggestion is not to be trusted.)

@PopsFury Ox bile mixed with all that parsley leaf makes me SuperBypass Woman!! I am faster than a speeding ___________________, more powerful than a ______________, able to leap tall protein shakes in a single bound. Help me fill in the blanks!

@wishful.shrinking Have you had any more unpleasant doctor encounters since posting this topic?

"The best anti-aging advice I've ever received? Drink a lot of water and have a plant-based diet. I also do mindful meditation with my daughter every day. It takes ten minutes. I think reducing stress plays a big part in anti-aging." (Carolyn Murphy) . "Your bones are not just made of the last meal you had, but the meals that you've had across many years. By looking at the composition of those teeth, researchers can say that something was a large component of the diet. This tells us a lot about how hominins lived and what they ate." (Hope Jahren) . “It’s one thing to lose weight, but it’s another thing to eat healthy.” (Jennifer Hudson) . Whether you're six or sixty, if you go on a diet and lifestyle program and feel constrained, you're likely to go off it sooner or later. Offering a spectrum of choices is much more effective; then, you feel free and empowered. (Dean Ornish) . "Books should be right up there with exercise and diet as something that don't just entertain us but heal us. They tell us we are not alone and fix the pieces of us that can be shattered by reality. They are teachers, and they are friends, and we should never contemplate a world - or a life - without them.” (Matt Haig)

"Because the biological mechanisms that affect our health and well-being are so dynamic, when people change their diet and lifestyle, they usually feel so much better, so quickly; it reframes the reason for changing from fear of dying to joy of living.” (Dean Ornish) . "The human body is a miraculous self-healing machine, but those self-repair systems require a nutrient-dense diet." (Joel Fuhrman) . "The choices you make each day in your diet and lifestyle have a direct influence on how your genetic predisposition is expressed - for better and for worse. You're only as old as your genes, but how your genes are expressed may be modified by exercise, diet and lifestyle choices much more than had previously been believed - and more quickly.” (Dean Ornish) . "I think cooking is really key because it's the only way you're going to take back control of your diet from the corporations who want to cook for us. The fact is, so far, corporations don't cook that well. They tend to use too much salt, fat, and sugar - much more than you would ever use at home." (Michael Pollan)

"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments." (Bethenny Frankel) . "The more colorful the food, the better. I try to add color to my diet, which means vegetables and fruits." (Misty May-Treanor) . "Pasta doesn't make you fat. How much pasta you eat makes you fat." (Glada de Laurentils) . "Diseases happen in acidic environments, so it's very important to keep your body alkaline. Keeping a diet high in leafy greens, spring water, fresh air, raw almonds, lemons, grapefruits, and warm water with juice from half a lemon helps lower acidity levels.” (Valentina Zelyaeva)

"Stay positive and happy. Work hard and don't give up hope. Be open to criticism and keep learning. Surround yourself with happy, warm and genuine people." (Tena Desae) . "Infuse your life with action. Don't wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your own future. Make your own hope. Make your own love. And whatever your beliefs, honor your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen... yourself, right now, right down here on Earth.” (Bradley Whitford)

"The mind’s first step to self-awareness must be through the body.” (George Sheehan) . "Each individual woman’s body demands to be accepted on its own terms.” (Gloria Steinem) . "Over the years our bodies become walking autobiographies, telling friends and stranger alike of the minor and major stresses of our lives.” (Marilyn Ferguson) . “I finally realized that being grateful to my body was key to giving more love to myself.” (Oprah Winfrey) . “Our body communicates to us clearly and specifically, if we are willing to listen to it.” (Shaki Gawain) . “It’s also helpful to realize that this very body that we have… with its aches and pleasures…is exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive. (Pema Chodron)

1. Spectro (Solaray) Multivitamin, 250 capsules, 6 capsules daily. Full spectrum with whole food base, herbs, antioxidants, enzymes. I specifically needed a vitamin that included these micronutrients: zinc, copper, and selenium. This vitamin also includes (how did I ever exist without them?): alfalfa juice; carrot and yam extract; barley grass; aloe vera gel concentrate; parsley leaf; ox bile extract; royal jelly; and bee pollen! 2. Magnesium Citrate (Solaray), 90vegcaps, 400mg, take 3 capsules daily. Also includes other vital(!) ingredients: watercress leaf, dandelion root, alfalfa leaf, and parsley leaf. Oh, no! What should I do!? I hope I'm not overdosing on alfalfa and parsley leaf! 3. Calcium Citrate (Solaray), 4 chewable wafers, orange flavor, 1000mg. Take 4 per day. Also includes: orange juice powder (Vit C). 4. a: Nature's Way, Iron 18mg, Iron gluconate (Heme iron) 4. b: Vitamin Code raw iron, 22mg. (non-Heme iron) Also includes: apple; beet root; broccoli flower and stalk; carrot root; spinach leaf; tomato; strawberry; tart cherry; blueberry; green bell pepper; Brussels sprout leaf; blackberry; ginger root; garlic bulb; green onion bulb; raspberry; parsley leaf; cauliflower flower and stem; red cabbage leaf; kale leaf; cucumber; celery stalk; asparagus flower and stem. Oh, no! More parsley leaf! 5. B12 sublingual (Superior Source), instant dissolve tablets, 5,000mg B12 as methylcobalamin. 60tabs. 6. Vit D-2 ergocalciferol, (doctor's prescription). 50,000U (1.25mg) capsules, 2x/week. *I alternate the two types of iron (above); Calcium and iron are not taken together.

Thank you, James. It seems you lost a lot of weight, but gained it back in humility and kindness.

And you were right, myfanwymoi. We did need to know. I for one am grateful to you. Thank you!

I think the mesh problem was mostly with hips. I was going to say with hip people, but that would have carried a double meaning. NetFlix has a documentary about medical devices that hit the market before they're ready. One device was the DaVinci robot which is used in many laparoscopic surgeries, including mine. That said, the problem was mostly with doctors who practiced on fruit for a few hours and then tried it on patients. I know that my own doctor taught other surgeons how to use the DaVinci robot and has already performed hundreds of procedures using it, so I felt safe.

@myfanwymoi An incarcerated umbilical hernia doesn't play hide-n-seek. It hurts. You can't sit. You can't stand. You can't dance The Funky Chicken. You are in painville. I'm going to research Petersen's hernia some more. Thank you for some basic details, though. Let me guess. The incision that hurts is the furthest one on your left side.

Vent away, mckenzie. This is one of those irrational frustrations that you understand but you don't want to accept. That intermediate goal of "under-200lbs" is one most of us have dreamed about, and here you had to see your weight go above that goal. I'd look at it this way: the first time you drop below 200lbs is a happy day... and so, when you drop below 200lbs again, you get to enjoy another happy day. Two happy days are better than one happy day, right?

@macadamia Did everything work out okay? How long did you have to wait (after the procedure) before your friend's son got off work? Hope the procedure and the doctor's findings were good, too. I was impressed with the number of great suggestions you received. Something I figured out about this site from the beginning... the advice or someone's suggestion might not help the person asking, but someone else on the board is bound to benefit from the post.

@myfanwymoi. Thank you for posting this alert. I posted something recently (with similar warnings) and received a snippy reply from the poster. The person in question ate a big meal on day three of his post-op. He went on to justify his eating by saying that he had a stomach of steel. I hope that someone else will read my post and decide not to advance their diet. Rupturing one's suture line is serious business. I suppose some people are overly-sensitive when septicemia and death are mentioned. Then again, maybe I did come off as a tad preachy, but this post-op act wasn't something to be "proud" of. Made of steel indeed. Superman doesn't even have a stomach made of steel. I had an incarcerated umbilical hernia. It was not discovered during my surgery but it was every bit as critical to treat surgically posthaste.

Wow. I had an umbilical hernia, but it was an incarcerated umbilical hernia. I had to have surgery (a laparoscopic mesh repair) a couple of hours after I arrived in the ER. Incarcerated hernias can turn gangrenous if untreated. My husband is all about the "silent treatment". I've been married for 38 years.

@IveGotThePower If you're serious, please let me know how they tasted, how much they cost, etc. Millions, probably billions of people around the world rely on insects as a major source of protein.

Tell them that you're having metabolic surgery. They'll probably be too embarrassed to admit that they don't know what that is. And include that one of the "side effects" of your surgery is losing weight and maybe some hair loss. (The hair loss is for a little shock value). The best part is that this is all true. You are having metabolic surgery.

I'm post-op. I had my bypass on June 16, 2018. I've lost almost 44lbs so far. The rest of my stats are under my user pic.