kteminem

Hey everyone,
I just thought I would introduce myself and tell ya'll a little about me and my journey. So I have been severely obese my whole life and when i was young my mother and grandmother had gastric bypass surgery. When i was about 16 my mother decided that i needed to have the surgery. I went through the process for several months before they realized i was too young for the insurance to cover the surgery. They approached and asked me to wait a few more months until I was almost 18 and then continue the program where I left off. Upset i left and waited coming back to the program a few months before i turned 18 i again attended the appointments as instructed. I was about a month or two away from the surgery and then my private therapist told me that he had gotten the information back from the clinic and they had included their notes. He told me that they didn't think I was dedicated enough to the surgery . I was heart broken what did that even mean I wasn't dedicated enough I had done so much to prepare for the program driving hours away jumping through hoops trying to do everything they asked of me. The only explanation i could come up with that fir the description was that they expected me to lose weight when doing the things they had asked and I had instead gained about 25 pounds. Devastated I gave up on the thought of losing weight through that method and just continued my life as I was ...
Here I am 24 I have now gained about 50 to 75 more pounds from what I was at that time and hardly able to move. I dont know if I want the surgery but I feel I have no real choice in the matter. I am terrified that I will put in all the work and just be denied again. If it doesn't happen this time I dont know what I will have left. I'm almost 25 years old and i weigh about 415lbs and in 5'4". My BMI is over 70 my body is giving away and everyone wants to tell me what I need to do as if I dont look in the mirror and see it clear as day. I just want things to get better I want to have a life . Be able to have kids and go to theme parks and be some kind of normal. 
I called and scheduled an appointment with roller weight loss program in Fayetteville Arkansas today. And in about a week and a half I should have some answers. I am scared! I just want to know if anyone has been in my situation. And what kind of advice anyone has. I will try to post updates on what is going on.